The End of the Affair
by theimpossiblegrrl
Summary: Three lives, entwined by pain though separated by circumstance. That is, until a chance meeting changes the course for two of them completely, affecting all of their lives forever ... EWE/AU.
1. Three Lives

**THE END OF THE AFFAIR**

* * *

 _I desire the things that will destroy me in the end._

 _\- Sylvia Plath -_

* * *

It's hard to explain what happens to a relationship, over time. I walked into my life with Harry with an open heart and an open mind, so ready was I to finally be able to love him openly and no longer have to worry about whether or not he was going to die tomorrow. We had high expectations of our future together, back when I was naught seventeen and he was naught eighteen years of age.

He lived with us for a little while, after the War ended and while we were all trying to rebuild our lives. He and Ron lived in his little room at the top of the stairs, while Hermione and I lived in my little room at the bottom of the stairs, my parents somewhere in the middle, separating us at night when the lights were out and the nightmares inevitably came.

None of us ever did take our NEWTs, in the end, not traditionally since the school was closed. Mum tutored Hermione and I enough to pass what we needed to in order for us to make the next steps we wanted to make in our careers, while the boys were given a free pass at the Auror office to go ahead and begin their training. I know they would have given Hermione that pass too, if she'd been interested, but of course she wanted to do things the right way before she entered Law Enforcement.

I had decided to be a Healer, after tending to the sick and watching so many people die needlessly in the Battle of Hogwarts,

 _(and some lived needlessly, too – never forget that)_

some only because there were not enough knowledgeable hands to tend to the sick an injured. When I was seventeen I began my five year Apprenticeship with St. Mungo's, and Harry, Ron, Hermione, and I moved into Grimmauld place against my parent's wishes. But we were of age, and though none of us were interested in getting married, we all knew that would happen eventually … or so we thought.

Ron and Hermione split up, though very amicably done, about a year later. They just grew apart, and realized they had no interest in each other outside of physical attraction – and at the end of the day that just wasn't enough for either of them. So Hermione moved out and found her own flat in Diagon Alley, while the three of us remained.

Then Ron left too, moving into a flat not far from Grimmauld Place. He told us we needed our own space to be a couple, and despite our protests that we wanted him there, he would hear none of it. So, for the first time ever, at eighteen and nineteen, it was just Harry and me together for the first time in our lives.

And it was wonderful. To make love in the kitchen and not have to worry about someone walking in, to not have to worry about cooking curry since Ron didn't like it, to even be able to walk about in just my knickers if I needed to and not have to hear Ron scream "My eyes!" – it was a triumph.

And Harry and I got to know each other for the first time, really, in a way we hadn't before. No longer were we "Harry and Ginny", we were "darling" and "dear", and even sometimes "Merlin" and "Morgana". We would help each other study, since we were both woefully behind in Potions, and sometimes we would just sit and watch each other while the other wasn't looking – just because we could do it.

That was five years ago – five beautiful years of listening to my mother's incessant nagging about us not being married, of waking up next to the man I love every morning, of going to sleep every night knowing that I am loved in return. I now work at St. Mungo's as a Healer, specializing in Spell and Curse Damage, as well as Creature Induced Injuries – all things that were needed on the battle field.

Even though there will never be another War

 _(_ Oh Merlin please let that be true)

it's how I've come to terms with it – by knowing what needed to be known.

And yet, sometimes in the middle of the night the nightmares still come. And Harry doesn't always wake up for them. As a full Auror now, he takes a Potion at bedtime to help him sleep as the days can be very rough and give way to sleepless nights. So I lay there, frightened and shivering again with the memories of the dead I couldn't help, the memories of the live ones I couldn't save.

The memories of the faces, the innocent faces of the children who are now just a -

 _\- memory is all he has, and all he'll ever have, at the end of the day. He fought a war based on the memory of a woman with bright red hair that he longed to stroke with the spider-like hands of his youth, now given way to long, large hands that he was once told were elegant, especially when juxtaposed against his other less than desirable features._

 _He survived the War, though only barely, and lived in a self-imposed exile at St. Charmaine's in Paris, though the Ministry owled daily, begging him to return as a hero. Their hero._

 _He could not._

 _What kind of hero was he?_

 _What kind of man was he, really, at the end of the day?_

 _A man who stood by, watching the students he swore to protect being tortured by his "friends". "Friends" who were actually his worst enemies, dressed in the same robes he wore when he was forced so that he could stand before his Dark Lord._

 _A man who mentally abused a poor child who had done nothing other than have the misfortune of being that red-headed woman's son with the Marauder who contributed to his worst memories._

 _A man who started to care so little about life that he forgot to care for himself. No, not forgot. It was on purpose – his abuse of himself mixed with the abuse he let the Dark Lord heap on him instead of Lucius, Draco, or scores of others who he didn't want to see suffer._

 _What kind of man is he? Is he a man who almost died for love, or is he malicious man who eventually dies because of the hate in his heart?_

( **Did he even care at all? Did he really?)**

 _His stay at St. Charmaine lasted much longer than he thought it would, as after he was healed from his injuries they just let him stay on in their lab, making Potions through all hours of the night. It was safe, and for the first time in his life he was very happy, doing what he loved in a place where no one really knew what a nasty bastard he really was._

(What kind of man was he then, when no one knew his name?)

 _He's back in London now, wandering through life as he does research for the Ministry. He wouldn't accept the warm welcome home – instead he returned as quickly as secret about three years ago and set up his lab in the bowels of the Ministry where no one could find him._

 _The house in Spinner's end went to Hell, finally, and he sold the land and decided to just rent a flat now._

 _It would give him the ability to leave again, if he ever needed to. And sometimes he needed to, though the allure of being home among his on people was something that he thought he wanted most nights._

 _Before the dreams came._

 _Dreams that were no longer of her face, as her face was now only a distant, happy memory. Now the dreams were of the children's faces, screaming in pain as he would not and could not do anything to help them as the Cruciatus Curse was thrown at them by the Carrows. They were dreams of the faces of the dead, always surrounding him as he saw them when his mind just tipped past the veil before his own idiot will dragged him back._

 _They were dreams of the kind of man he_ really _was. An evil man. A greasy git. A right bastard._

 _Not the great hero of legend, just a faulty man who -_

\- **dreams the same dream every night, exactly the same way, in triplicate sometimes. But what does that mean? How can it always be the same dream of work? He takes the Potion, just as asked, but he can't help but think that he's missing something.**

 **When he wakes from the dream he always reaches for Ginny, and usually she is awake, too, happy that he has joined her for a midnight cuddle. Sometimes they make love, and it's as sweet and gentle as it's always been.**

 **Always.**

 **He's come to hate that word.**

 **It reminds him of the man disappeared who fought for his Mum's memory.**

 **What a stupid thing to do.**

 **He didn't think so at first. Then it was noble and a story of legends. But now, after six years to reflect and no answers from the dead it's just … sad. Pathetic really.**

 **Always.**

(I'll always love you, from the top of my head, to the bottom of my feet, you know that don't you?)

 **It's an absurd notion that love will last forever, in his mind at least. He loves Ginny – he knows that, but what if he woke up tomorrow and it was gone, like it was when he was infatuated with Cho?**

 **Love is transient, love is fluctuant and fluid, love is a silly notion for school boys and girls.**

 **He hasn't asked Ginny to marry him. And he probably never will now. They are both happy enough, and why do they need a sheet of paper to make it official when another sheet of paper could nullify the whole thing? She feels that way to, he knows this. Although they've never spoken of it, he knows that she agrees and believes it with the same fervor he does.**

 **Love is pain, in the end.**

 **Look what good it did his Mum and Dad. Love killed them. And for what, so he could live and almost die twice? Some sacrifice, when it could have just as easily have been Neville. Just as easily another boy could have had endure the pain of being the Chosen One, being**

 _(_ the only one who ever made me feel like this, oh please don't ever stop …)

 **the one to save them all.**

 **It still hurt. Every day.**

 **Not the scar, not the visible scar that told his tale.**

 **No, the scars that hurt were the scars in his mind that no one could see, the ones that never seemed as though they would never heal properly. They were the reason why he had to take the Potion to sleep at night and dream that stupid dream. In triplicate. Over and over again.**

 **Love kills.**

 **Does he love Ginny anymore?**

 **Did he ever really?**

( _What kind of man is he?)_

(Will the pain ever end?)

* * *

 _A/N: I'll only say this once - nothing you recognize is mine. I couldn't let go of the plot of the shorter version of this story, though I fully believe it stands on its own. But, I wanted to explore these themes more. So, here we go on for a dark journey ahead._


	2. Bodies in Motion

As I do every morning, the moment I return to wakefulness (even before I open my eyes) my arm reaches out to the left of the bed to feel for Harry's thin body. It's never there, as he wakes so quickly and silently that he never wakes me, and I slumber on without knowing he is even gone. My hand meets only the softly worn cotton sheet we sleep on, now cool from being unoccupied.

It's a courtesy I know I should appreciate, and more often than not I do. But on mornings like this when the dreams of the night before have been especially bad, I wish he was with me with his arms open for a quick snuggle so that I can shake off the faces and the names of all that have appeared in my mind.

Last night was the worst I've had in a while.

Tonks and Remus were there in the dreams, their faces as still and blameless as marble angels when we came upon their bodies. I'd wept for the woman I'd fought beside – my friend – as much as I'd wept for the man who'd been one of my favorite Professors in school, up until that very day.

The memory of their faces so fresh in my mind made me ache as I sat up in bed and took a sip of water from the glass Harry already had out for me, next to a cup of tea and a fresh scone from the shop down the road. When I touched the scone, it was still warm against the pads of my fingers.

I didn't even have to get out of bed to know that he'd already gone. The house always felt different when he wasn't there. He always left first so that he could put in the hours needed so that he could continue to advance in the Auror office.

I sighed as I bit into the tender, warm scone, smiling that he'd brought me one with the little dried strawberry bits that I had become so fond of. Harry could be very thoughtful like that, when he wanted to be.

As I stretched, I thought about hiding under the warm red quilt for the rest of day and reading my back-issues of _Witch Weekly_ , but I knew that wouldn't do at all.

Tea in hand, a fragrant Earl Grey, I walked into our bathroom and looked in the mirror. The circles under my eyes weren't too bad yet, as I was only having bad dreams and not nightmares. (Not yet at least.) I just looked tired, and tired was acceptable.

A little patter of noise came from the bedroom and I froze, wishing Harry was still here so that he could investigate. I grabbed for my wand, and with a groan I realized it was still under my pillow.

 _Dammit._

"Who's there," I said with a loud, shaky voice as I put my hand on the crystal door knob and slowly began to turn it.

"It's just me, Ginny. Relax," Harry called out, just on the other side of the door.

I sighed and opened the door, putting on a cheerful smile as he leaned in for a quick snog.

"I forgot my watch again," he said sheepishly, his green eyes flashing before he walked to the dresser and retrieved the slightly battered time piece my parents gave him as a coming of age gift.

"Will you be home for dinner, do you think?" I asked, leaning in the doorframe now as he cleaned his glasses and ran his hands through his still very unruly black hair.

"Probably not tonight, dear," he said, frowning at the sad expression on my face. "It won't be much longer, though, and I'll be able to be home for all dinners and not have to go away on cases so often."

I nodded. I knew it was part of the package with being the girlfriend of an Auror at his stage in his career. I remembered Tonks telling me how trying it was for her in the beginning, since the office was still trying to weed out the weak among them. If Harry could make it past the next year, it would be considerably easier. And since he'd wanted to be an Auror much longer than I'd wanted to be a Healer, I was willing to help him in any way I could.

"Do you want me to have a plate ready for you when you come home, or – "

"No, that's okay. I'll grab something at the office, don't go to any trouble," he said quickly before he pressed another kiss against my forehead.

I nodded and smiled. "I'll see you tonight?"

"It may be late. Don't wait up, okay?"

I nodded again, trying not to wear my heart on my sleeve as I said, "Tomorrow then?"

"Yes," he said, and this time he smiled brightly, making his eyes glow. He added conspiratorially, "And tomorrow we are both off."

 _Oh yes, we were both off work tomorrow, weren't we?_

This time when I smiled, I knew it touched my eyes too. He kissed me goodbye, just a peck on my cheek that still made me blush a little from the heat of his lips against mine as they slowly moved to my -

 _-_ **mouth.**

 **"And we can do whatever we want tomorrow, can't we," she murmured against his lips when he moved away to catch his breath.**

 **He could still smell the wine on her lips.**

 **He nodded, trying not to look distracted when he said, "Anything at all."**

 **The door was only four steps away, and he counted each one before he looked back at her, standing so still in the door to the bathroom. He took in her mussed hair, her red lips, and the rosy blush that stained her skin, willing himself to feel something a little deeper than the slight warmth that ran through him at the sight of her.**

 **Wasn't it supposed to feel different? Or was this really what love felt like?**

 **Eyeing the half-drunk glass of water and the mostly eaten scone, he also caught a glance of the red stained glass under the bed, knocked over by the quilt probably. He closed his eyes and frowned as he walked out the door, shutting it firmly behind him.**

 **The walk to the front door seemed too long, and he ended up running to it, bypassing Kreacher who had lifted a hand to say goodbye. Nodding his head at the old elf, he opened the door and slammed it behind him before he Apparated to the _-_**

\- _Ministry now, don't you?" the whore asked breathily._

 _Severus tried not to roll his eyes, his automatic reflex still when someone asked a stupid question._

 _"Of course I do. It's been in the papers enough, hasn't it? Or did you just want to hear it from the source?" he asked, his voice gruff as they climbed the stairs to her room above The White Wyvern._

 _"It's just that most people from the Ministry come to see me at night, not first thing in the morning you know," she said, sounding contrite as she opened the door marked with a single red triangle._

 _"I set my own hours," he replied, and they left it at that._

 _They walked inside. The room was very small; he'd expected no less, really. The bed took up almost all the floor space. It was ridiculously large and covered in red damask silk. Such an odd luxury in an otherwise unfurnished, lonely looking space. The only other things in the room were a small dresser and a table next to the door, both made of dark mahogany and chipped beyond repair._

 _"Do you live here?" he asked, shutting the door behind him and setting meticulous wards against noise and visitors._

 _"Do you really care?" she asked._

 _Severus shook his head, but she'd already turned to remove her earrings. He saw how very red her hair was. It was too lurid to be a glamour as that would at least look real. He wondered idly if she had it dyed in a salon like a Muggle or if maybe the glamour was that bad on purpose. When she turned back around, he realized how heavily powdered her face was and how the falsely red stain on her lips had slid onto her teeth._

 _Was anything on this woman real?_

 _Touching his neck and feeling the missing flesh that no glamour could completely hide away, he decided to stop asking questions. It didn't matter, and he knew he was no catch either._

 _"Come here," she whispered._

 _Severus nodded and walked into her cool arms. They wrapped around him like twin vines of Devil's Snare, and for a minute he almost lost his breath._

 _"What should I call you?" he asked as he inhaled the nauseating scent of roses that perfumed her hair._

 _"What do you want to call me?"_

 _Severus frowned, trying to think of any name that might make sense to him, but no name came to mind anymore. Not even hers …_

 _"Let's dispense with the formality of names," he said, wrenching himself out of her arms so that he could undress himself._

 _She shrugged and began to work on the buttons of her purple robes. He caught her eyeing him with interest when he unknotted his cravat._

 _"I've heard its bad," she whispered, looking nervous as he continued his task._

 _"Do the ladies in your profession compare notes?" he asked sarcastically, working on the buttons of his jacket and shirt instead._

 _"Yes," she said, completely unashamed as she removed her clothes to show off her naked body underneath._

 _His mouth went dry as he took in her full, ripe breasts, the gentle curve of her hips and stomach, and the wet patch of curling hair between her thighs. He noted that it was as black as the hair on his own body._

 _"And yet you still desire me," he said, eyeing the thighs that were damp with moisture._

 _"Yes," she whispered. She sat on the bed and spread her legs, showing off what he would be paying for._

 _"Why?" he asked._

 _She shrugged again as she leaned against the bed, arching her back which showed off the heavy flesh of her breasts to perfection._

 _"You are the most powerful wizard in the country," she said, stroking her red hair lightly._

 _He snorted as he put his shirt and coat on a hook on the wall. The buttons on his pants were an easy task, and soon he was as naked as she, save for the cloth on his neck._

 _"Do you really want to see?" he asked, narrowing his eyes._

 _She nodded, her expression a mixture of nerves and excitement._

 _"Later," he said as he pushed her down against the bed and_ -

 _-_ climbed up the steps to the Third Floor. It was my day to cover the Potions and Plant Poisoning Unit. I was one of the few who was cross trained between areas, so whenever one area was short I just went to where I was needed – covering the clinic and spending time at the bedside with the patients who needed to stay with us longer than a few hours.

I hadn't yet taken my specialization exams in Potions and Plant Poisoning. I had been a full Healer for less than six months and had passed the Spell Damage and Creature Induced Injury tests easily. But I wanted a bigger challenge, so I had decided to prepare for a third specialty. It was the damn Potions I was still having trouble with. Professor Snape had been an amazing teacher, one of the best behind Professor Lupin really, but I'd only had him for four years. Slughorn had been more concerned with trying to increase his status rather than teach. And my mother's instruction had been good enough to help me pass the Potions NEWT, but to pass the MediHELL exam to be specialized in Potions and Plant Poisoning I needed more than what my halted education had provided.

I studied every night, usually with a glass of red wine, after dinner. Actually, I was studying everytime I had a chance to sit down. But it never seemed like it was enough.

This must be the way Hermione feels.

I smirked as I walked to the ward desk to see what needed to be done. That's when I heard the _-_

\- _screams._

 _Severus looked away and recast the glamour that the hid the worst of it while she trembled at the edge of the bed. He cast a Cleansing Charm over his body to rid it of her smell and the fluids, then cast one on hers for good measure. He donned his clothes quickly, though taking utmost care to retie his cravat before he turned back around to look at the sobbing woman._

 _"They – they didn't –" she moaned, turning green as though she may get sick. "They didn't tell me it was that bad!"_

 _"Of course they didn't. They didn't remember the worst of it," he hissed, grabbing his wand from the pocket in his coat. "And neither will you."_

 _Severus cast the spell, and she stilled as her breathing slowed back to normal. A gentle smile spread upon the lipstick smeared lips, and she closed her eyes with a happy sigh. He turned back to the door, cancelling the wards._

 _"What is your name?" he asked, not even bothering to turn back around._

 _"Jane," she murmured, just before the breathing changed to the deep breaths of new sleep._

 _He set the galleons on the table before he left, shutting the door quietly behind him._


	3. Afternoon Teas

**_Ginny Weasley's Private Pain  
by Rita Skeeter_**

 ** _It has come to my attention, writes Rita Skeeter, special correspondent for Witch Weekly, that after a relationship that has lasted almost a decade, Harry Potter has still not proposed matrimony to the poor girl who has waited for him for years. Close friend to the couple, Pansy Parkinson, reports that, "Harry will never propose to her, and even if he did Ginny would never accept now. They are too happy shacking up in that horrible hidden house of his."_**

 ** _Indeed! This correspondent can't even_** **divine** ** _the location of the house he inherited from his Godfather, famed (but eventually cleared of the charges, posthumously) murderer Sirius Black, which has long been rumored to have been placed under a Fidelius Charm to maintain utmost secrecy by long deceased and controversial Hogwarts Headmaster Albus Dumbledore._**

 ** _My question is this: with the War being long over and Black having been murdered by his cousin in the Department of Mysteries, why not lift the charm and live life without that level of secrecy?_**

 ** _What_** **do** ** _you have to hide, Harry Potter, other than the fact that you won't make an honest woman out of poor -_**

\- Ginny, I can't believe you are reading that trash. Put it down!" Hermione said, trying to snatch the magazine from my hands.

I frowned and shook my head, continuing the read the article through tol the very last word before I gave it to her.

"I can't help it Hermione. It seems like I know so little about myself, and there is much to learn from 'close friends of mine' like Pansy," I said, not covering the ice in my voice as I poured myself a fresh cup of tea.

We'd met for tea at the Tea Room in St. Mungo's, as we tried to do daily, or at least as often as our schedule would permit. Sometimes it was three teas, sometimes five, and on bad weeks one – but we always did manage that one so that we could catch up and have time just between ourselves.

"Pansy is a total cunt," Hermione said flippantly as she opened the gossip rag and read the story herself.

I blushed, but just nodded in agreement as I took a cucumber and dill sandwich from the tray and nibbled it as I watched her eyebrows work, sometimes in amusement and sometimes in worry, as she read the article from start to finish.

"What do you think?" I asked, biting my lower lip.

"Well, I think she has a source on the inside of your group of friends," Hermione sighed. "No one outside of the order knew about the Fidelis Charm. The Death Eaters guessed when we occupied the home, especially after the fiasco at the Ministry when we got the locket, and there was no way _they_ could have known that Dumbledore was involved with the Fidelius Charm, even if she got it wrong that he was the one who placed it. At least she doesn't know it's unplottable …" She tapped her teeth with her fork, very deep in thought. "Do you want me to see if I can stop her with an injunction? It may not stick, but it could be worth a shot."

"What's the point?" I said, shaking my head. "She'll just go after you next if you do that. We can take the gossip. It's not the first time Harry has had to deal with her, and I think it's funny actually," I said, giving a laugh that sounded tinny and false even to my own ears.

Hermione flicked her eyes at me, unconvinced. "When _is_ he going to ask you to marry him, Ginny?"

"Harry doesn't believe in marriage, and neither do I for that matter," I said, shrugging my trembling shoulders.

"Oh," Hermione said. "So all the doodling on your parchments in school about Mr. and Mrs. Harry Potter – that was all just a girls dream, was it?"

I looked away and blinked. _Dammit_. I'd forgotten that she had the memory of a well-tended to Pensieve.

"And even that talk last year when Luna got married to Neville, when you looked around the wedding dresses at Madam Malkin's like a hungry woman looking for bread – that was all because you don't believe in marriage?" she asked, peering at me from over her cup.

I grimaced and blinked again before I turned my eyes back to her. "They've taught you some very bad habits in Law Enforcement, you know."

Now she was the one who shrugged.

"That has nothing to do with it, Gin," she said softly, putting down her tea and taking a biscuit that looked like it was filled with raspberry jam. "I've known you since you were eleven years old. You've been my only female friend now for almost fourteen years now. I know you a lot better than you realize, and I bet you can say the same thing about me."

I grabbed a napkin from the table and dabbed my eyes as I recalled all of our late night talks pertaining to Harry, Ron, and even Viktor Krum. Of course, not all of the conversations had been about boys. After my first year … I don't know if I would have made it without sneaking into her year's dorm so that I could talk to her when the dreams and memories of Tom Riddle got especially bad.

"I love you, Hermione, you know that don't you?" I asked, trying to discreetly dab at my running nose.

"I know," she said, scooting her chair closer to mine and slipping an arm around my waist. "All that before, about not believing it – that's load of codswallop, isn't it?"

I nodded before saying, "I want to believe it, Hermione, because it's what he wants me to believe, but a few weeks ago I just -

 _\- suddenly appeared in his laboratory, like he always did after a morning dalliance._

 _He hadn't lied to the whore; they did let him keep his own hours. Some days he worked from eight to five like a normal Ministry drone, and other days he appeared in the middle of the night when he couldn't sleep, working for twenty hours plus before finally returning to his flat. His superiors didn't really care when he showed up or when he left, as long as he gave them the results they desired._

 _Staring into the cauldron bubbling moderately with lime green sludge, he tried to decide what ingredient would activate the moonstone, allowing it to bloom and give the eventual potion the dream changing properties that had been requested. He walked to his new wall of horrors, considering a cut from the hoof of a fetal pig, before glaring at the small, pickled, Blast Ended Skrewt he'd coaxed out of the Forbidden Forrest while collecting ingredients._

 _He found his answer in the precious, delicate hairs from a Sphinx. Just one, and it would help unwind the riddle of dreams for the user of the new potion._

 _Into the cauldron it went, and with twenty clockwise stirs he was satisfied with the results. Setting an Alarm charm for an hour, he sat down at his desk with his notes, updating his progress. That was an easy task done quickly, and after he littered the parchment with his spiky scrawl, he sat back in his chair, thinking about the morning._

 _It had been good, even if briefly, to feel alive in the arms of a woman just one more time. Every time he visited Knockturn Alley he told himself it would be the last time, and that in the future he needed to get familiar with his own hands and his imagination._

 _For a while it would be enough, until the nights were too lonely and the dreams made it unbearable for him to do anything other than float from place to place – just existing, not living._

 _Even after a few hours of sex and the cold embraces he paid so dearly for, he knew he still wasn't living. But it was worth it for the release and the ability just to pretend for a little while that someone desired him, had waited up for him for a midnight romp, or wanted an early morning fuck before work._

 _Severus caught just a whiff of … Jane's? … sickly sweet perfume on his coat and muttered a quick "Scourgify", ridding himself of the last remnants of her as quickly as he parted with the five galleons he left on the table. He let himself pity her, briefly, as he tugged at the too tightly wound cravat on his neck, wishing he could loosen it just a little._

 _But he could not and never would, not even at home if he could help it. He looked at the calendar on the wall and realized his check up at St. Charmaine's would be in two weeks. Arrangements would have to be made according to -_

\- **the schedule with the Ministry office is all wrong. Hello? Earth to Ron?" Harry asked, looking at the red head bent over the desk that was usually occupied by his best friend.**

 **But the aqua-blue eyes that looked up did not belong to Ronald Weasley, and the face was far too pleasing to be his best mate's mug. Harry swallowed noisily as he felt a burn in his chest that he hadn't felt since -**

 _-_ Hogwarts's good old Alchemy textbook is probably what you need to study from to get that extra bit of knowledge that they want you to have."

I stared at Hermione, trying to figure out why on Earth I hadn't realized that myself. But she was completely right, of course, as always; Alchemy was indeed a huge part of advanced Potion making – especially with the Potions that we treated the damage from. Ingredients transmutated in a pinch, reestablishing their form as the solution aged, causing more harm than good in the end.

"You are a genius, of course," I said, finishing up my next to last swallow of tea before swishing it a few times and looking down into the cup.

"You don't still do that, do you?" Hermione scoffed, tipping her cup and drinking the rest in a defiant gulp.

I said nothing as I looked at the tea leaves, trying to discern any shapes that they made. I thought I saw a hair comb, a moon, and a mask. But none of that made sense – we were happy when all was said and done, weren't we? I followed Hermione's lead and drank the rest of my tea before we stood up to go back to our respective places of work.

"Tomorrow?" she asked.

"No, I'm off tomorrow – Harry and I are taking a mini-break, but just staying at home," I said, happy to have some good news.

"Shag him rotten," Hermione said, laughing as she saw a little blush rise to my cheeks.

"Next week, then," I said, taking a few breaths that I hoped would bring my face back to normal before I had to return to the ward to face my patients.

"Monday," she said, winking at me and giving me a hug. "And then you can tell me all about it over

tea?" she asked.

Harry nodded his head and took the fragrant cup. The warmth had spread from his chest down to lower places, and he was fighting very hard to stay under -

\- control. He needed a control potion for this experiment, he realized wearily. And the only book he had on Potions this dark had been a Dark Arts tome from the fourteenth century, lost after the Battle of Hogwarts, which meant that he would have to face going out on public and getting the "oh look, it's him" looks from the customers of Diagon Alley. Flourish and Blotts carried that book, but only sold it if one was a connected to the Ministry or to Hogwarts. He sneered at his identification card that lay on his desk, watching his picture sneer back at him with equal venom. He hated using that stupid thing, but needs must, and he needed this book to finish his damn work.

"Later," Severus said to no one as he sipped on the tea that the kind little woman from the upper levels brought him every afternoon. He sighed happily as he realized she'd brought him his favorite raspberry jam biscuits, as well as a few of the crisp crackers she told him she made herself.

She was old enough to be his grandmother and reminded him of that frequently when she brought by the trolley with the little tray of goodies. Sadly, he realized that she may be the closest thing he had to a friend now, and he didn't even know her name. He sighed, and vowed to fix that tomorrow. Tucking a long black hair behind his ear, the one that always seemed to escape the queue of hair held with a black leather tie at the back of his head, he took a bite of the best damn -

\- woman I ever met," Mr. Filch said, shivering under my warm hands.

"Just drink this, sir, and you'll feel better by tomorrow, I promise," I said.

I helped prop him up in the bed and tipped the vial to his lips, listening to him swallow every last drop from it.

"What did they give me this time?" he asked, exhausted as his frail body fell back against the pillows.

"We'll figure it out, but if it's the same as the last, that potion will fix it in a trice," I assured him as I stroked the hair out of his sweaty face.

"Best damn Weasley of the bunch, you are," he said, eyes getting heavy as he fell into a deep sleep.

I took his chart from the bedside and wrote my notes on my treatment and what should be given over the next twenty four hours to continue the course. He was snoring by the time I left the room. It was half-past five, and time for me to call it a day. I went to my office and grabbed my cloak, bracing myself for the icy cold November wind outside. It had sleeted yesterday, so I didn't even bother taking off my veil as I ran down the stairs and walked out to the Apparation point just before the front door.

"Where are you headed, dear?" the sweet woman who ran the tea shop upstairs asked as I passed her in my rush.

"Flourish and Blotts," I said, a little breathless just before I Apparated away.


	4. Books and Dinners

"Can I help you?" the kind faced man at the counter asked as I walked up, wrapping by black cloak tightly around me as my lime green Healer's robes looked garish anywhere else other than St. Mungo's.

"I need the standard Sixth and Seventh Year books on Alchemy that that students at Hogwarts use, please," I said, fiddling with my gloves a little as he looked at me oddly.

"A little old to be a student aren't you?" he asked.

"I'm studying for an upper level exam," I said. "I didn't get to take Alchemy in school."

He nodded vigorously, as though he immediately understood that I was of the age that the school would have been closed during that critical time in my education.

"I'll need to look for them since we're in off season for school books. Would you would like to look around for a minute in the meantime?"

I nodded and walked towards the back of the store, letting myself get lost in the countless shelves. I made a bee line to where I thought I remembered the Dark Arts section had been. There was one fourteenth century text that would be beneficial - if they had it in stock at least. I'd read about it in a footnote to _Advanced Potion-Making_ , and it seemed like it might have scores of information about not only Potions, but also about Alchemy in Potions-Making as well.

I browsed the titles once I knew I was in the right spot and found it rather quickly. It was the last one, so I was in luck indeed. I opened the black, leather bound book and smelled the old pages. It was a reproduction of course, as the original was surely behind glass in a museum somewhere. The text had probably had its last printing a hundred years ago. The crisp, yellowing pages had the slightly musty scent of a book that had been sitting for a while, just waiting to be read.

I hugged it to my chest and walked to the front of the store again, where the manager was waiting for me. As I walked through the section on Herbology, I thought I caught a familiar scent in the air. Clove cigarettes (my greatest weakness), sandalwood, a trace of mint, and something woodsy like cedar made me nostalgic for school, but then it was quickly gone as I all but bumped into the store manager, who only had one book in hand.

"I have the Sixth Year book, _Alchemy and Transmutation for Beginners,_ but I'll have the order the Seventh year book for you, miss," he said, passing the large book to me. "Can you come back next Tuesday?"

I nodded and followed him to the counter to settle up. He eyed the Dark Arts book I'd collected suspiciously.

"I can only sell that book if you are employed by the Ministry or Hogwarts," he said, wiping a bead of sweat from his brow with a handkerchief.

I opened my cloak and revealed my robes, along with the Bone and Wand badge that identified me as a full Healer, and ultimately an employee of the Ministry of Magic.

"Fair enough," he said. "That'll be five galleons, ten sickles, and five knuts."

I took out my purse and counted out the coins for him. He wrapped up the books in a heavy parchment bundle before he bid me good evening as I walked out into the damp, cold air.

The sky outside was darkening quickly, and I was ready to be home. Kreacher had promised me a good roast for dinner tonight, and he since Harry would be gone, he's given me a little wink and told me he'd make the gravy extra spicy, just the way I liked it.

I had just left the shop when I heard the voices, one very calm and the other angry and annoyed, coming from within.

"I must have left at the perfect time," I muttered as I Apparated back to -

 _\- the only place who carries this book, and you mean to tell me you_ just _sold the last one, while I was in this very store looking for it?" Severus asked._

 _"_ _Yes, Master Snape, she left just a minute ago. I'll have to order one for you," the manager said, taking out a slip that had already been written on._

 _Severus eyed the title_ Advanced Alchemy and Transmutation Techniques. _He could probably do with a new copy of that as well since his own copy from school was about to fall apart, and requested the manager_ _add one for him to the order_ _._

 _"_ _Yes, Master Snape," he said, adding a hash mark next to the title. "That'll be three galleons, ten sickles, and four knuts."_

 _Severus gave him the amount requested, catching the man eye his neck._

 _"_ _Wanna look?" he asked scathingly as he let his hands drift up to his cravat._

 _The man shook his neck and put the money in the register, before muttering something about needing to_ _go ahead and_ _Floo the orders._

 _Severus frowned as he went back to the Dark Arts section, deciding he might as well leave with something if he couldn't get either of the books he wanted. He caught a fleeting scent of something comforting_ _and oddly familiar in the Transfiguration section_ _, though for some reason he couldn't_ _place the_ _fragrance – something he could have always done before the damn War addled his mind. Orange blossoms, citrus fruit, vanilla biscuits, and the sweet smell of raspberries made him remember a long ago Potions class that must have had some significance to him. Perhaps an old student had been in the store not too long ago. He sighed, and went back to searching for something -_

\- **more?" Harry whispered as he slid a sure hand against the willing flesh, which was a wet as she'd promised.**

 **It always felt so wrong to do this, even when it was so very, very right. He felt alive in this moment, so very much alive when he wandered about more often feeling so very, very -**

 _-_ cold outside?"

I walked through the front door of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, happy to be out of the cold damp that I almost wept with joy to see Kreacher there waiting for me, asking me if needed anything to help warm up as he removed my wet cloak and took the parcel from my hands.

I accepted the offer of a glass of red elf made wine, which I usually had with dinner when Harry wasn't around to peck over my choice of drink. If he had it his way I'd drink nothing but Butterbeer for the rest of her life, and woman could not live on Butterbeer alone.

I took the glass from Kreacher, who had already left a bottle on the dining room table in case I wanted another glass when dinner was ready, which he promised would be in about ten minutes. That would give my just enough time to change out of my robes into something less … green.

Careful not to spill my wine, I made it up the staircase and into our bedroom, stripping out of my robes the entire way up.

"Indecent trollop!" Madam Black yelled from her portrait.

I cringed as I shut the door, blocking out her harpy like voice from my ears. I put the slightly damp robes in the laundry, and with a little giggle removed my sensible white undergarments as well. In the top of my dresser were my more imaginative knickers, bought in a Muggle department store with Hermione a few months ago. Harry and I had been so busy I hadn't had the chance to show them off yet, and I decided that tonight would be the night, once he made it home.

The red lace of the knickers barely covered … anything, actually, and the bra, if one could call it that, just caressed the full swell of my breasts without getting in the way of (hopefully) questing hands. I put them both on, and from the wardrobe picked out sexy black dress robes bought in a moment of temptation from Madam Malkin's. The fabric was a light matte jersey, and it caressed my curves as the hem flared saucily at the knee. It wasn't quite the dress for this weather, being sleeveless and cut down so low that the fabric of my bra peekaboo'd out from the neckline, but since I wouldn't be getting back out tonight and the house was warm, it didn't really matter. I decided to complete the ensemble with a pair of black heels, and set to brushing my veil-smashed hair before going back downstairs.

I frowned when I looked in the mirror. My once vibrantly red hair had been doing something my mother delicately called "browning". In short, I was no longer a bright haired ginger like my father and brothers, or even my mother. My hair was shifting to auburn, and the shade was a little more brown than it was red. Mum said it had happened to her mother as well as an aunt. It didn't make it any easier – when I looked in the mirror anymore it was as though I were looking at a -

\- _stranger things have happened, haven't they, Severus?" Lucius asked over dinner at The White Wyvern._

 _Severus merely frowned and picked at his peas, having already eaten his beef and pudding. He wondered just how long he could properly wait before ordering the treacle sponge, his favorite dessert._

 _Oh fuck it._

 _He waved at the waitress, indicating what he wanted before shoving his plate away._

 _"You don't seem like yourself," Lucius continued, abandoning the remains of his spinach as he motioned to the waitress of his same request._

 _"It's not like you know who I am anymore," Severus answered._

 _Lucius looked up sharply, his eyes turning a very icy shade of grey as he ground his jaw._

 _"And whose fault is that? You've been back for three years, and this is the first time we've supped in all that time. Draco misses you just as much as Narcissa and I do. It's ridiculous."_

 _Severus shrugged wearily as the waitress brought them the golden sponge with a little side dish of custard to spoon over the top. The both sighed happily as they did so, each taking a bite. Severus attempted to keep his mouth as full as possible while Lucius spoke, even ordering a second dessert, Apple Tarte Tatin this time, as soon as he saw his sweet fare getting low._

 _"They do make the best desserts here, but it won't get you from answering any questions," Lucius said, licking a smear of custard from his lip._

 _"Indeed," Severus said, wishing that he hadn't called on his old friend this evening, and instead had just gone back to his flat and -_

 _-_ sat at the dining table, slowly eating the delicious dinner Kreacher had prepared.

"More pudding, Miss Ginny?" he asked. "Kreacher can make a fresh batch."

"No, thank you," I replied.

"Is there anything Kreacher can do for his Mistress?"

I played with my fork a little, smashing the peas he insisted on preparing though he knew I wouldn't eat them and asked, "Can you pop over to Diagon Alley and bring me back a pack of those clove fags like last time?"

Kreacher shifted on his feet nervously.

"Master Harry doesn't like you smoking, Miss Ginny," he said. "Kreacher almost had to burn his hands on the stove last time, 'cause Master Harry was so upset."

"Then I'll go later," I said, raising an eyebrow as I drank the last of my second glass of wine before pouring a third.

Kreacher sighed heavily and cracked out of sight before returning just as quickly with the pack in hand along with a matchbook.

"Kreacher kindly asks that you stop after I casts the Cleansing charms, Miss," he said, wandering to the kitchen.

I nodded and lit one of the sweet cigarettes, inhaling deeply and sighing out the smoke as I pushed my plate away and sipped on the ruby red wine in my glass. I wondered what Harry was doing, remembering that he mentioned he and Ron had been working on a lead that may lead them to the last two Death Eaters on the run – Macnair and Mulciber – who were rumored to be hiding on an unplottable island somewhere close to Greece. More time away, is what it would mean, if they were finally able to pinpoint their whereabouts.

Not that I minded – not at all.

Not really.

At least, I didn't want to mind.

I took another drag and leaned back against the high backed chair. Sleep was already trying to sneak up on me, and it was only eight o'clock. Pathetic, considering I used to be the life of any _-_

\- **party to this. You've got to come clean with her," Ron said, exasperated.**

 **Harry cracked his neck and rubbed it slightly, as it was sore after his previous labors.**

 **"Just like you came clean with Hermione about that dalliance you had with Pavarti before the two of you broke up?" he asked mockingly.**

 **Ron's face colored slightly before he replied, "That was different. We were already seeing other people. And Ginny is my sister, mate. Surely that means something."**

 **Harry leaned back in his chair, putting his feet on his desk and sighing all the while.**

 **"It means something, Ron. Ginny means everything to me – you have to know that, and she does too. It's just that, sometimes I just get –"**

 **"To feeling like a total arse and decide to bugger half the girls in our year from Hogwarts?" Ron finished.**

 **Harry shot him a withering glare as he pushed his glasses up his nose.**

 **"No, Ron, that's not it at all," he said. "I was going to say that sometimes I just get to feeling like I'm in a cage … and a quick shag fixes it and I'm alright again."**

 **"And what about Ginny, you barmy git?"**

 **"What about her?" Harry asked, getting annoyed. "She's the one I come home to at night, and what she doesn't know won't hurt her."**

 **"Harry," Ron said, walking over to his desk and sitting down on the edge as he put his hands in his pockets. "Do you love her anymore, because from the sound of it, it's almost like you don't care."**

 **Harry rolled his eyes and muttered, "Of course I love her."**

 **"If you say so," Ron said as he sat down at his own desk and bent over the maps they'd been examining most of the day.**

 **Harry felt bile rising in his throat as he realized it was the first time he'd purposefully, bald faced -**

 _\- lied when he said he needed to go to the loo. Instead, he ducked out the back door and Apparated back to his flat, which was still under the protection of a Fidelis Charm._

 _Severus looked around at the cold surroundings. They were just as cold as his "home" in Spinner's End had been. The only warmth came from the richness of the books that lined every single wall of the living_ _space_ _. His old_ _and_ _worn_ _,_ _but still comfortable_ _,_ _brown leather armchair and sofa were warm too, he supposed, and would have been more_ _so_ _if there was a single picture, letter, flower – anything that would let an outsider know a person lived here and that it was not in fact a library._

 _The bedroom was perhaps worse – just a solitary bed and nightstand with an alarm clock, though the bed was an unneeded king sized monstrosity he'd acquired since the dreams often left him falling out of anything smaller. He walked into the bathroom and removed his robes, grimacing over the site of the scars on his neck as he drew himself a bath, taking care to make it extra hot. His muscles were burning with aching exhaustion from the tension he'd held himself with during dinner, and he pulled out a cedar scented linament to rub into his sore skin._

 _He sank into the bath and lit a fag, closing his eyes against the light of the too bright candles and considering the day. As much as he missed his few friends from before, he still wasn't ready to face them just yet. And perhaps he never would. Somehow_ _(_ _maybe_ _)_ _he would become content again with his dreary little -_

\- life," I sighed, wriggling with pleasure as I let the warm water course down my body.

Maybe it was a good thing Harry wasn't home yet. Kreacher had been able to cast the right charms over the house (and me) to rid it of any odor, and for good measure I had time to take a long, hot shower.

I leaned with against the wall, just a little drunk and wobbly as I washed my hair with the raspberry scented shampoo Hermione stocked me with as it was the only one that kept my hair from turning into a mass of tangles in the shower. I giggled as I turned the water off, shivering as I wrapped myself in a big fluffy towel. Casting a quick drying charm over my hair, I decided to surprise Harry completely and let him find me stark naked when he finally decided to come home for the night.

I sighed as I slipped into the cool sheets, and grabbed my glass from the table, sipping on the contents as I perused the new text I'd bought earlier. Eventually, I fell asleep in that position, and when -

 _-_ **Harry walked in, he saw Ginny naked from the waist up, curled over a book and completely asleep.**

 **He smiled softly as he took the book from her hands and set it on the table, next to the half empty glass of garnet red liquid. Shaking his head, he reminded himself to ask Kreacher not to let her have so much wine with her dinner. He tucked her into the bed, ignoring her nude form, before he walked into the bathroom that smelled nauseatingly of fruit.**

 **Turning the shower on, he grabbed his own soap, which smelled of nothing, and no one.**


	5. Nightmares and Dreams

"Shhhh, it'll be alright Lav, I promise."

Lavender's wavy, formerly honey-blonde hair was matted dark red with her own blood. It was the only color I could see in the dim light, not even the red of her school tie was visible with the foggy smoke that appeared around us.

She shook her head feebly, barely stirring as I cast a diagnostic charm over her body, needlessly now as my eyes told me everything I needed to know without the convenience of magic. Almost every bone in her body was broken, even her skull. There was a gaping hole in her neck from where Greyback must have bit her …

I swallowed a moan as I unthinkingly grabbed her broken hand, only to hear her cry out in pain – or perhaps it would have been a cry if her vocal chords hadn't been severed.

"I'm sorry, Lav. Shhh … don't cry, love. Madam Pomphrey or Professor Slughorn will be here soon, and they'll fix you up just as fast as they can, and you'll never know you were unwell – you'll see!" I tried to sound reassuring as I pressed another compress to her throat, as the first had completely soaked with blood within a minute after I held it there.

She closed her eyes and mouthed the word, "Dying."

"No, no you're not – don't think like that! Ron wouldn't like it – you know I think he's still sweet on you even if he won't admit it. You'll make it through this, you'll see," I said as tears slid down my dusty cheeks, the cuts that I hadn't the spare Dittany to heal stinging with their salty brine.

Lavender opened her eyes for last time, the brown in them already dulling from the color of nutmeg to the drab color of tree bark in middle of winter. "Thank you," she mouthed, and smiled gently as a great sighed escaped her body. She breathed no more, and I hadn't the skill to try to restart her heart or give her the breath of life. I sobbed as I held her broken body to me, until I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Ginny, is she …?" Madam Pomphrey asked, having just reached my side.

I nodded as I laid Lavender's body back on the ground, taking Poppy's hand as she helped me up to stand next to her.

"There would have been nothing we could have done to save her, Ginny. There are some wounds no one can heal," she said, trying to give me reassurance now as she dabbed a cloth soaked with Dittany on my cheeks. I cried out due to the stinging _-_

 _-_ pain in my chest.

I clutched the sheet against me. They were wet, as was my pillow, from my sweat and from the tears still rolling down my cheeks onto them. Blindly, I reached out from Harry, and when I felt only the cool sheets on his side of the bed I opened my eyes. He was there, curled up at the edge, his breath even and light as he slept.

Sniffling still, I grabbed my wand and cast a drying charm over my side of the bed before I slid over to him, wrapping my arms around his cool, skinny frame. I shivered when our bodies touched. He was so cool when he slept, almost like ice. It provided no comfort – I needed warmth. I looked at my nightstand and saw the half empty glass of wine still there. Moving back to my side of the bed I greedily tried to drink up the rest of the glass, feeling a dull heat rise to my cheeks as my body began to warm and flush with the false comfort of my faithful friend. I stared at the goblet, swirling the remaining liquid as a car passed by outside. The headlights briefly flashed through the slightly opened curtain into the dark room, and the light made the wine look remarkably like Lavender's blood.

I ran into the bathroom, heaving the contents of my stomach in the -

 _\- toilet._

 _Severus rested his head again the cool porcelain, trying to calm the unsteady rhythm of his heart. It was a bad one tonight, and despite the large monstrosity of his bed he'd fallen out anyways, probably when he was trying to fight the ghost of Nagini in his dreams._

 _He grabbed a glass from the edge of the sink, already filled with a little water from when he'd cleaned his teeth earlier in the evening. It was tepid and stale, but enough to get the worst of the bile out of his mouth. Leaning back against the cool tile of the bathroom wall, his breathing finally began to slow and his heart steadily eased to the slow, steady rhythm he was used to hearing softly in his ears. He touched his neck, perhaps assuring himself that there indeed was no blood there. The deeply indented skin was warm and wet, but when he looked at his hand the wet was clear from his tears and sweat._

 _Standing back up after these episodes was always the hardest part, and it was no less difficult today as he gripped the edge of his bath and hauled himself up to his unsteady feet. He turned around to the sink and applied some gritty paste to his toothbrush, taking his time with the familiar process of carefully cleaning away the vile flavor from every surface of his mouth. The mint sent a chill down his overheated spine._

 _Severus looked up in the mirror, an accident really. His appearance made him grimace - he would need yet another shower or bath before going back to bed. As grungy as he had once been when he was dubbed the "greasy git", he no longer could stomach even a bit of dirt on his body, not after waking up in a pool of his own tacky, dusty blood in the Shrieking Shack ..._

 _With a flick of his hand he turned on the taps, now desperate for anything that would distract him from the thoughts running through his mind. He stripped off his boxers, throwing them in the laundry as he stepped into the burning hot shower. The heat seared his skin, scalding every surface bright pink to dull red as he rubbed the coarse cloth over his skin, sometimes remembering the add the homemade soap that distracted his memory back to better times, when he was young, newly in love and happy to just be in her shining presence._

 _Seeing her attractive face in his mind, a face that still aroused him even though the burning drive that forced almost twenty years of actions was gone, he felt himself stir. He turned the heat down a little and started to stroke himself, gently at first and then with more force as he -_

\- trembled as I walked back to bed. The shower had warmed me up, and at least my mouth was fresh again, but I needed him, wanted to feel him against me, inside me, just as a reminder that we were still alive.

"Harry?" I whispered, shaking his shoulder after I got back in bed. A soft snore was the only indication he was even breathing. I wished I could sleep that well, and was often amazed that his potion worked. I'd tried Dreamless Sleep at once, but it had only dulled my mind's reaction to the dreams that continued on within my head.

I lay back against my pillow, rubbing my skin against the cool cloth as I rolled away from him. My hand slid between my thighs, seeking the warmth I hoped to would find. I sighed when she realized I was completely dry, and removed my hand, considering getting the heavy salve we used when we were intimate.

"Why bother?" I murmured as I curled into a tight ball, gathering my portion of the red quilt around me as I closed my eyes and -

 _-_ **tried to make sense of what Shacklebolt was saying.**

 **"In a world of Dirigible Plums, the Ministry is the oyster, and you are the pearls," Kingsley said, his deep voice droning on until it sounded like a hive of bees close to Harry's sensitive ears.**

 **"I don't know about you, but this sounds like a load of tosh to me," Ron said.**

 **Harry swatted at him as though he were merely a little bee too close to his ear, steadily buzzing along in the wake of the queen.**

 **"The Sphinx is all the need you need in this world, don't forget that," the Minister continued, swatting at something in front of his face as he continued his speech.**

 **Ron waved a hand with irritation. "That's a load of rubbish."**

 **"You'll end up in Azkaban, next to prisoner AZB24601 if you aren't careful," Harry snapped.**

 **That shut him up. Ron paled and turned back in his seat, ignoring him for the rest of the speech. Harry smirked as he pushed his glasses up his nose, swatting again at the buzzing sound in his ear. It almost sounded as though someone was trying to** _-_

 ** _-_ wake up, Master Harry," Kreacher said, patting him on the arm until he finally opened his eyes. Harry put on the glasses that his house elf gave him, and the world came back into focus once more. Kreacher's eyes looked very worried – the already bulging globes appeared to be ready to pop out of his head as he looked from Harry to Ginny and back again.**

 **"What's wrong, Kreacher?" Harry asked as he sat up in bed.**

 **"Master Harry got an owl from the Ministry," Kreacher said, his hoarse voice sounding even more toad like than normal today. He handed Harry the letter and took a little step back away from the bed.**

 **Harry broke the seal and opened it. Gawain's familiar handwriting was hurriedly scribbled across the parchment:**

 **" _Break in the case. May have a location for the two. Sorry to bring you in on your day off, but needs must._ _Come now_ _."_**

 **"Damn," Harry said, looking back at Ginny's sleeping form. "She was looking forward to today, too."**

 **"Do you want Kreacher to – "**

 **"Yes, yes," Harry said. "Fix her her morning … whatever it is you do for her, and let her know she might as well go to the hospital if they need her."**

 **"Yes, Master Harry," Kreacher said, sniffling as he walked to the door. "Do you want anything from the bakery?"**

 **Harry shook his head absently as he put the letter on the nightstand, waving his hand at Kreacher to send him on his way. He heard the door shut as he pulled out the Self-Inking Quill he kept in the bedside table, next to the ointment he and Ginny had to use whenever they finally (and rarely) got around to having sex anymore. He curled his lips when he thought about how completely dry she'd been the last time … blimey, that must have been six months ago now.**

 **Quill in hand, he hastily wrote her a note explaining that he'd have to go into the office and to perhaps not expect him back at all this weekend. He'd owl later, of course, and let her know for sure.**

 **He got up and dressed quietly, never even turning on more than the bathroom light as he readied himself for work. Robes in hand, he looked down at her just before left the room. She looked so innocent, laying there with her arms around her knees just like a babe. Ginny was still so pure of heart, and he wouldn't do anything to her to spoil that (or let her find out about it if he did). Let her have her occasional fag in the dining room or the red wine she liked to drink, as long as she stayed just as she was - his fiery but unblemished sweetheart.**

 **Harry walked down the stairs as Kreacher walked up them with a tray levitating next to his arm that held a glass of water, a cup of milky and sweet hot tea, and a scone with little red bits in them.**

 **"What in Merlin's name is in that thing?" Harry asked, pausing as Kreacher passed him.**

 **"Dried strawberry pieces. Miss Ginny's favorite," the elf said as he slowly passed him.**

 **Harry tried not to gag as he finished descending the stairs, remembering at least not to slam the front door as he walked into the frigid air outside.**


	6. Breakthroughs

I knew he was gone, even before I reached to his side of the bed for him. I tried very hard not to cry as I read the note by the bed, but the tears came anyways as I looked over at my breakfast sitting next to me. I drank my water quickly and saw, just like every morning, the steam was rising from my cup of tea, and the scone (strawberry again at least) was still warm as I bit into it. I decided it was just for breakfasting in bed and drew the covers around my naked body. My tear stained face I wiped with the sheet. Kreacher would be changing them today anyways, so crumbs or the additional tears really didn't matter. Harry might not even be home tonight, so it mattered even less to me, and I thought about just smearing the scone into the soft white sheets, letting the red smear perversely into them.

I looked at the little alarm clock by the side of the bed. It read six thirty. The floors would be getting busy now as patients woke up. I thought about Floo'ing St. Mungo's to see if I was needed anywhere, but in the end I just didn't want to go in. I'd earned this day and had looked forward to it, and to this weekend for weeks, and dammit if I wasn't going to enjoy it even if Harry wasn't here to enjoy it with me. We hadn't planned on going anywhere – sometimes just being able to laze about in a pair of racy knickers while reading the Prophet was vacation enough, and I decided it still would be for me. My last MediHELL exam, the one that would give me the extra specialization in Potions and Plant Poisining, was next Friday, and even if not all of the books I wanted to study were with me, I would make the best of my newly acquired time and study to my heart's content.

Funny. I'd found out last night while reading the beginning text that I would have enjoyed Alchemy in school, if I'd realized I needed to take it. It was the only class Professor Snape, or Headmaster Snape the year I would have been a beginner, had still taught that last, terrible year of my formal education. He had always taught it apparently, and Slughorn did not want the class after he returned, so even when he was the Dark Arts professor and then the Headmaster, Snape continued teaching. I couldn't remember anyone who took it – it was the kind of class Hermione would have signed up for and enjoyed while in school, much like Ancient Runes.

Hermione … perhaps I would take a break today and have tea with her at the Ministry for a change. We liked the St. Mungo's tea room better because our cook served better sandwiches, but the sweet little lady, Miss Mary, at the Ministry did make better sweets, and her crackers were completely divine.

I quickly finished my tea and scone and pulled the blankets up over me once again. I glanced out the window and saw the busy street outside, people bustling to work and school, some out for their morning run. No one could see me, as the house was still invisible to all but perhaps fifteen people, including me and Harry. Sadly, though the home was thought to have been exposed while retrieving the Horcrux from Umbridge, Yaxley had not understood what he had seen at all. All that time my brother, lover, and best friend spent in the woods, starving, was for naught.

Though I loved the privacy of Grimmauld Place, it did give me the impression of being on one side of a darkened piece of glass that only I could see through. It was odd, having so few visitors and rarely hearing a knock on the door unless it was Hermione or a member of my family. Everyone else who knew our location was dead, except for the very few older members of the original Order who survived the War. Even after all this time, five years of living in this house, I still felt -

 _\- isolated the correct property to advance the potion, thank Heavens, after three weeks of toil and labor over this one simple step._ _Severus_ _watched liquid in the cauldron finally thin to a slippery orange, much the color of pumpkin juice,_ _and realized_ _he could_ _finally_ _sit in his chair and relax_ _, if only_ _for a brief moment_ _,_ _before going to the next step. It had been worth it_ _in the end_ _, just to come in to the lab after the nightmares_ _of the previous night_ _. At least he'd_ _be able to_ _knock off a little early_ _today_ _._

 _The Sphinx hair had been_ _a_ _needed_ _ingredient_ _, but there_ _was_ _something_ _else_ _missing_ _that he'd needed to add_ _to relax and open the mind. Valerian root, as well as just a dram of Sloth's brain had done it. Now, the last step would be to induce the sleep,_ _very_ _carefully._

 _It w_ _ould eventually be_ _an improvement on Dreamless Sleep, and a much needed one at that considering the problems with addiction to the heavily sedating potion. This on_ _e_ _, which Severus had not named yet, would allow the user to deconstruct their dream state, especially if they were prone to nightmares, and rebuild their surroundings so that the negative dreams would end permanently._

 _He sighed, heavily_ _with his growing weariness_ _, with the terrible knowledge he must not have been the only survivor of the Wars so deeply affected at night. He'd created a potion for the Auror's called Dreamcase that helped them to think about their cases as they slept, instead of dreaming of the worst times when the Ministry had been taken over by the Dark Lord. That formula had been Minister Shacklebolt's own personal request, and Severus had been quietly_ _awarded_ _another Order of Merlin, though Third Class that time, for its creation. It went in a box, along with the First Class_ _medal_ _that had been sent to him in Paris._

 _Funny. Not long ago receiving those very awards had once been on the top of his mind, after finding Black on the school grounds. He'd even plotted out a place to hang the_ _coveted_ _medal in his old office. Now he couldn't care less, and just sneered at the ridiculous things whenever he thought about them._

 _Still, he couldn't seem to throw them out, either. So in the box they stayed, on the top of his wardrobe._

 _He ran a hand through his thick, clean hair and pulled the leather tie out of his pocket to pull it back before he started adding to his notes about_ _the_ _progress_ _he'd made_ _. They would be happy, indeed, with this break. And hopefully, with any luck, the new potion would be ready within the next couple of weeks_ _if not sooner._

 _Notes done, and a little time with nothing to do as the c_ _auldron was simmering with an Alarm charm set, Severus looked at his wall of essences and extracts. He smiled vaguely as he pulled down the_ _small vial_ _orange blossom_ _oil_ _and sniffed it. It wasn't the right scent, and his lab at present had nothing in it that remotely resembled a vanilla biscuit. Nevertheless, he sat back down at his desk, sniffing at_ _the vial_ _from time to time as he tried to chase the_ _fleeting_ _memory_ _that had attempted to come to his mind at the bookstore_ _._

 _Severus glanced at the clock on the wall sometime later, and realized it had almost gone noon. He wanted to just skip out for the rest of the day – he'd been here since two in the morning and could save his progress with a stasis charm. But … it_ was _Friday after all, and Friday's meant smoked salmon sandwiches and Victoria Sponge cake._

 _He ordered a light lunch of pumpkin soup and stared at the cauldron once more, thinking of what might help it bring on the tendrils of deep -_

\- **sleep," Ron yawned as they looked through the maps again.**

 **"I was woken up too, Ron. Drink another cuppa, or run and get some Pepper-up from the supply closet," Harry said as the tiny island popped in and out of view as fast as a game of Exploding Snap, each time in a different location.**

 **"Nah, I'll live. Can't live on that stuff you know," Ron said, biting back another yawn as he leaned back in his chair and ran his fingers through his scruffy, bright red hair.**

 **Harry looked at the fine hairs on his friend's head and tried not to sigh. He missed Ginny's old hair – the "browning" had taken them both by surprise when it started a few years ago. Sometimes, if they were at a party and he lost sight of Ginny in a crowd, he didn't recognize her when he tried to find her until she turned around and he saw her face.**

 **He glanced up and saw a different redhead standing in the back of the office, delicately stroking the fine scars on her face as she read over the agenda for the trip next week. At least he'd be able to give Ginny tonight … and have that one ready for a good shag for the whole of two weeks, after the work was done during the day at least.**

 **Ron was sitting this trip out, as he felt it would be better if someone stayed close to the information coming into the office. That was Ron's strong suit, filtering the information with an almost preternatural understanding. He wasn't really a field Auror, especially not after –**

 **"It's Victoria Sponge today, isn't it?" Ron said, yawning so deeply that Harry could see his tonsils in his wide open mouth.**

 **"Just like it's been every Friday for the last five years," he replied shortly.**

 **"You never know, she did change the sandwiches from cress to salmon a few years ago."**

 **"It was _always_ salmon," Harry said, circling the point where the island had been last. "You just were so tired then you thought Friday was Monday."**

 **"Ugh, blimey – don't remind me of those times," Ron muttered. He stood and stretched before saying, "Off to the loo, back in a jiff."**

 **Harry waved him away before looking back up at the redhead in the far corner of the room. She glanced up and smiled at him saucily, making his cock -**

 _-_ jump at the chance to get some last minute studying done – maybe you should see this as a gift," Hermione said. She clasped my hand in hers and fiddled with the garnet ring on my right hand – a gift from my parents when I finished my Apprenticeship at St. Mungo's and became full Healer.

"I know I should look at it that way, Hermione, and I'm trying to. I just …" I couldn't finish the thought as tears were already stinging my eyes with as much pain as the dull ache in my heart. I really had been looking forward to the free time with Harry, and it just kept hurting more as the day progressed. I couldn't imagine what this weekend would be like, if he was called away for the duration.

"I know it hurts, Ginny. I couldn't take it, in the end, remember?" Hermione scooted her chair around to me just as she had the other day (was that really just yesterday?) and slipped her arm around me in a familiar motion that made me feel immediately comforted. She was so warm … I missed warmth.

I truly did.

I leaned into her and breathed in the sweet smell of lilacs and peonies.

"If you get any closer to me, people will think we're lovers," she laughed, but gently kissed my forehead all the same.

"Let them talk," I said. "Perhaps it will give Rita Skeeter something new to write about other than me being some sort of tragic character to be pitied."

"Now, now," Hermione said, tutting a little as she ate a bite of the cake in front of her. "Hmmm, blueberries. Do you want a taste?"

"No, I think I'll stick with the savories for now – if it were raspberry or strawberry I'd have the biggest slice in the whole of the Ministry," I giggled as I took a sandwich from the tray. I took a little bite and put it back down on my plate before I sat back up, looking around the huge break room. "Does Harry ever come down here?"

"The Aurors tend to stay with their own group and work through tea – they really are very dedicated," Hermione said.

I nodded, then caught a brief whiff of the same _-_

\- _scent he'd encountered at Flourish and Blotts yesterday._

 _Severus looked around the break room – he'd been forced to come up from his pit as his Floo connection was being reorganized – but only saw unfamiliar faces in the crowd. Those faces knew him, of course, and he felt the eyes glaring at him, sneaking little peaks at his neck, some filled with the emotions of disgust and pity. He did see one slightly familiar form even though it was from behind. Only Hermione Granger had that much ridiculously frizzy hair. The auburn haired woman next to her seemed remotely familiar though he couldn't place her. Perhaps if he just caught a glimpse of her face …_

 _"Your tea, Master Snape?"_

 _His grey-headed, "old enough to be his grandmother" friend set a tray in front of him, busying herself with making sure his tea was to his standards._

 _"Thank you," he said._

 _Damn, her name …_

 _Before she turned away, he finally asked, "What is your name? I'm afraid after all this time, I still don't know."_

 _"Mary," she said, flashing him a broad smile and smoothing the hair that was wrapped into a neat little bun. "Mary Abbott."_

 _"Thank you, Mary," he said, giving her a tiny smile as she walked away from his table._

 _Severus stared at his plate and frowned at the blueberries that he was not overly fond of, but he ate a bite anyways while he poured his tea and added the right amounts of milk and sugar, with the same precision he used while making a potion. When he sipped it, it was perfect._

 _The room was clearing out now; the Ministry officials needed to go back to their desks to finish up before the weekend. Only he and Granger, along with her friend, remained._

 _Who was that woman?_

 _He was distracted by a peck on his hand. A barn owl was sitting on his table, two letters in his beak. The top was addressed to a Mr. Severus Snape. He took it after tipping the service animal an acceptable amount._

 _The letter was from Flourish and Blotts. The books had come in earlier than expected, and he could even come by today if he wanted._

 _Folding the letter back into the neat square, he saw that Granger must have received the second letter. No matter. He went back to ignoring the room until the sound of the purest, sweetest laughter he had ever heard traveled to his ears. It wasn't Granger's - he was sure of that after years of dealing with her idiotic antics with Potter. But it was familiar all the same._

 _It must have come from the companion, but now they were leaving, their backs still to him though he thought for a minute he caught the barest glimpse of her profile before she was gone ... but it could have just been a trick of the light when she turned her head slightly to the side._

 _He sighed, wishing he could have seen the face that belonged to that beautiful sound for just one minute._

 _Beauty, after all, was so hard to come by._


	7. Convergence

"So where are you headed to now? Back home to Number Twelve?"

I shook my head and smiled. "I thought I might go ahead and grab that book at Flourish and Blotts – it'll give me something to do tonight other than sulk in our bedroom. What about you?"

Hermione blushed a little and looked towards the elevator that would take her back to her office. "I have a date."

"Hoorah!" I said, giving her a hug. "With who?"

She sighed and kept her eyes hidden, refusing to give me an answer. "You are my closest friend, you know that? I'm so scared of making a hash of it that I can't even say his name out loud. Give us a date or two, and I promise I _will_ tell you all about it?"

I couldn't help but be a little hurt. Hermione and I told each other everything. We'd been as close as sisters for years now, especially after the War ended. But her expression was so nervous and so timid, I let go of the hurt that was probably a little ridiculous anyways and said, "Tell me all about it when you are ready."

"I promise," she said. She walked into her elevator and was whisked out of sight as quickly as she'd been there.

I looked around at the massive Floo system. So many chimneys that would take me to the exact same place – wherever I told it to take me. I chose the one closest to me and pinched a little powder from the bag on the hook next to it. "Flourish and Blotts!" I announced as I stepped into the green flame.

I closed my eyes and felt my body twist and turn around the Floo system until I was sent to my destination. I walked out into the bookstore easily, having finally gotten the hang of the Floo over the past few years. I didn't even have a speck of ash on my heavy black clock, and when I quickly checked my face in the mirror next to the mantle I saw none their either, just my freckles marred my pale skin. I made my way to the front desk and was still a few feet shy, when I spotted another customer, similarly cloaked, with longish black hair tied back in a queue.

There was that scent again. The clove smoke, sandlewood -

 _\- vanilla biscuits, and raspberries. Severus turned around and looked for the source of the scent, and met the wide_ _brown eyes of Ginny Weasley._

 _And then he remembered the day he smelled that fragrance for the first time – or that specific combination of it at least. It had been the_ _after_ _Welcoming Feast_ _held during_ _his first and only_ _year_ _as_ _the_ _Headmaster of_ _Hogwarts_ _. As he was making a rather depressing and forced speech where he was, as always,_ _acting like a_ _complete bastard, bats suddenly flew out of his nose. That had brought about a roar of laughter from the student body, save for his Slytherins who knew better._

 _The rest had been given no pudding at supper for a month_ _as well as earlier curfews_ _, and the suspected culprit, who was well known for_ _her accurate_ _deliver_ _y of_ _that particular hex, had spent every night with him, dusting every last one of Albus's little office oddities, for two solid months._

 _That first night that_ _Miss Weasley_ _been so cross_ _with him that she_ _seemed to be mentally giving him the two fingered salute with every swipe of her rag_ _. But it was that night_ _that_ _this_ _sweetly innocent scent had reached his abnormally large nose._

 _S_ _he didn't look like the Miss Weasley he remembered, and as he took in her darkening hair he realized it had been she who was sitting with Miss Granger in the Ministry break room during tea. Her hair, which had previously made her stand out in any crowd, now blended in with the rest of the world almost seamlessly_ _. Re_ _d it still was, only darker – almost the color of shade of her eyes._ _Both_ _color_ _s_ _reminded him_ _of_ _bright, glowing_ _chestnuts._

 _The expression on her face, one of curious fright was definitely not one he ever remembered seeing either, and to calm her, he said with deliberate slowness, "Good afternoon, Mmm …" he saw that she had a ring on_ _one of her_ _finger_ _s,_ _and figured on what he thought to be the correct assumption, "Mrs. Potter."_

 _The eyes narrowed, and the expression changed to something he was more familiar with – her defiance._

 _"_ Miss _Weasley still, Headmaster Snape," she said, and though he figured she was trying to sound cold and sure, it still came across as slightly timid._

 _"_ _Master Snape, Miss Weasley," he said, correcting her from using that hated title._

 _She lifted an eyebrow and looked like she was about to snort. "How about Mr. Snape?"_

 _He nodded in agreement. "What brings you to Flourish and Blotts, Miss Weasley?"_

 _"_ _I ordered a book that just came in, sir. What about you? I didn't think you let yourself be seen in public if you couldn't help it."_

 _"_ _I had an order of my own," he said, deciding to ignore the last statement. He was_ _relieved_ _when the manager reappeared with a stack of books in hand._

 _"_ _I thought I saw you, Miss Weasley," the man said as he divided the books into two piles. "It's not every day I order the exact same book for two people – made the_ _m_ _come in faster. And you getting this text in so fast was sheer luck," he said, indicating the Dark Arts book._

 _Severus nodded and thanked the man. He was surprised to see that the book waiting for Miss Weasley was the Seventh Year Alchemy text he had also ordered. He grabbed his short stack, and passed her the lone text of her own._

 _"_ _Taking a correspondence course?"_

 _She colored, the two red spots on her cheeks very bright against her pale skin. "I'm studying for my last MediHELL exam next week, and the text will be useful."_

 _"_ _Alchemy shouldn't be needed for the general exam," he observed._

 _"_ _It isn't," she said, hugging the text close to her. "I want to be triple specialized and I need it for my Potions and Plant Poisoning exam. I've already passed Spell and Curse Damage and Creature Induced Injuries."_

 _He frowned, in both amazement and surprise. "Is there anyone else at St. Mungo's that heavily cross trained?"_

 _"_ _No," she said, smirking as she glanced down at the text in her hands. "The most anyone else has is two, and at first that was enough – but I decided I wanted a challenge, I guess."_

 _"_ _Indeed," he said. He cautiously walked towards her, trying to give her plenty of room as he moved to stand closer to her._ _She glanced at the books in his hand_ _._

 _"_ _I just bought that yesterday_ – Dark Compounds for the Learned Wizard _," she said with some surprise._ _"It brings up a lot of points about Alchemy in the process of making potions that have been very enlightening."_

 _He could have laughed, though truth be told when he realized she was the holder of the mystery scent he had guessed that she had been the one the snatch up his book first._

 _"_ _It's a shame you couldn't have taken Alchemy in school, properly," he said, meaning it. Not many students over the years he had taught the classes had shown the remotest interest in it, even the future Healers and Potioneers who it benefitted the most._

 _"_ _Yes, it is – sir," she agreed. He tried hard not to sneer – he knew she was deferring to her automatic deference to him out of habit, but he was "sir" to no one anymore, and he didn't realize that the sign of respect he once so craved would now annoy him so greatly._

 _She looked at the clock behind the front desk and quickly made an excuse for why she needed to leave with haste. "It's dinner, soon – I should be expected home."_

 _"_ _Of course," he said, walking with her outside as she must have wanted to Apparate back to … "Where is home, Miss Weasley?"_

 _"_ _Grimmauld Place," she said, not meeting his eye_ _s_ _._

 _"_ _So you and Potter are …?"_

 _"_ _Living together_ _._ _Ha_ _ve done since the end of the war," she said with a hard little sniff. "I guess you don't keep up with the gossip columns."_

 _"_ _I tend to avoid publications that employ the use of my name without my permission," he said evenly._

 _She tilted her head and looked at him queerly. "I never thought of it that way."_

 _"_ _It makes life a lot simpler," he said._

 _"_ _I guess it does. It was … hmmm … nice, to see you again, sir?" she said stumbling over her words._

 _"_ _I suppose it was nice to see you as well," he replied, holding out his hand for her to shake. When her little hand slid into his and squeezed he was completely taken about by how -_

\- hot it was, almost branding my skin with the intensity of the heat radiating from his palm. As much as I wanted to immediately pull away from him, I found that I simply couldn't, and for the briefest second I wondered what it would be like to be wrapped in his arms. Would he be hot there, too? Would his heat warm my body as I'd been craving …

I shivered and pulled my hand back, resisting the urge to wipe it on the woolen fabric of my cloak. When I met his eyes again, they were even blacker than ever. His pupils had gone completely wide as though -

 _\- something that made him feel alive again. What was it about this girl's simpl_ _e_ _touch that had done it? He wanted to find out if it was real – to touch her hand_ _again, just_ _one more time to see if it was a fleeting daydream or perhap_ _s_ _the yearnings of a_ _lonely_ _middle aged man._

 _"_ _Would you walk with me outside for a minute?" he asked, holding out his arm for her to hold onto._

 _"_ _It's freezing out there, sir_ _._ _I'm amazed it hasn't started sleeting by the looks of it," she said, shaking her head and shivering again._

 _"_ _There's no need to call me 'sir' anymore, Miss Weasley," he said, dropping his arm and trying to figure out how to touch her again without scaring her half to death. A thought occurred to him. "Perhaps a cup of tea or a hot chocolate perhaps, to warm you up before. Could I walk you to Rosa Lee's?"_

 _She shook her head again. "I need to get home, sir – Mr. Snape."_

 _He nodded, trying not to show his reluctance_ _to let her leave_ _as she walked to the heart_ _h_ _and pulled out a handful of powder. "Do you take new -_

\- patients?" he asked, the expression on his face very blank.

This had really been an odd encounter indeed. Why wouldn't he let me get away? But still I nodded, and said, "Yes, of course I do Mr. Snape. Trying to build up a reputation takes patients you know."

He raised an eyebrow and quirked his head at me, those dark eyes of his looking as though they were working something out in his mind. "Good evening, then, Miss Weasley."

"Good evening, Mr. Snape," I said as I threw the powder into the fire. It turned as green as the Slytherin House banner. I took a step towards the flame, about to call out my destination when my foot -

 _\- slipped on a loose stone. She fell_ _on her side_ _, though with more grace than one could imagine in such a situation._

 _Severus_ _stepped_ _to her to check on her, but the store's manager made it to her first._

 _"_ _I need to get that fixed today, Miss Weasley_ _._ _I'm so sorry! Are you injured?"_

 _"_ _I think I twisted my ankle," she said, lifting the hem of her long cloak and revealing a slender, small foot_ _shod in a heeled loafer_ _. The ankle indeed looked injured – when she lifted the leg of her trousers it was already beginning to swell. She grabbed her wand from a hidden pocket in her cloak and began to flick it as though she were about to cast a charm on it._

 _"_ _Stop, Miss Weasley. Surely you know you shouldn't go about healing yourself. The pain could make the charm come out all wrong," he said, kneeling next to the manager and looking at her foot. "I know the basic charms, if you would allow me to assist?"_

 _She hesitated before slowly nodding her consent_ _._

 _He pulled out his own wand and cast a diagnostic charm over the foot. A soft, blue light indicates a mild sprain._

 _"At least it isn't broken," she said, wriggling the foot slightly before crying out in pain._

 _Some unnamable emotion tugged at what was left of his heart as he looked at the unshed tears her eyes._

 _Severus_ _made to_ _la_ _y h_ _is hands on her ankle, deciding to cast it nonverbally,_ _and_ _directly_ _over_ _the source_ _of her discomfort_ _. He looked_ _at her_ _worried_ _face_ _. "It's the best way to heal a sprain."_

 _"I'm aware of that," she said moodily._

 _Biting back a laugh now, he placed his hands on her bare skin and cast the charm._

 _Merlin's teeth, it hadn't been a fluke. Something about her skin made him feel so alive inside, so -_

\- hot. Gods above, his hands were like hot irons on my skin, and I wanted to grab his wrists so that he would never stop touching me. Surely the heat was just a side effect of the charm ... but a Sprain Ease charm should leave me feeling cool and calm. Not hot like this, with warmth traveling now up to my freckled knees.

I wanted his hands all over me - I wanted -

 _\- to be inside her, to feel alive inside her -_

\- body, and it scared me completely.

I pulled my foot away from his hands and sat up, lowering my robes back over my legs. I flexed my ankle, feeling that there was no more pain, and the swelling had already eased.

"You could have been a Healer in another life," I said, taking the managers offered hand instead of Snape's to help me stand. I tried to ignore my the shakiness in my voice, and refused to meet his eyes, which I knew were bearing into me.

"I had thought about it, once," he said, his voice low and soft, like velvet. "Would you like for me to escort you home?"

" _No,"_ I said, a little too quickly. I finally met his eyes, which were burning with such intensity that I immediately looked away. "Thank you Mr. Snape. Sir," I said, nodding to the manager. Hastily, I grabbed a pinch of the powder and threw it into the fire, and left as -

 _\- quickly as she could manage, she was gone. Severus stared into the fire with longing as the flames changed back to deep -_

\- orange. I shivered as the cool air of kitchen penetrated my cloak and stoked the fire, making it burn hotter, until my skin was as aflame as it had been under his brief touch.

"Miss Ginny, Master Harry will be home for dinner tonight," Kreacher said, making me jump and subsequently drop my book on the stone floor.

But I smiled at the good news and tried to brush the off the strange encounter. "That's great!" I said and kissed the top of his wrinkled head. "Is he home?"

"He said around seven," Kreacher replied, a deep flush rising to the top of his ears.

I kept smiling as I took my book from his hands and excused myself to go upstairs and change. As soon as I shut the kitchen door behind me, I let the tremors I'd been suppressing run through my hands. Leaning against the door, I began to wonder about my choices in life for the first time since I met Harry at the age of ten.


	8. Need, Want, and Duty

_A/N: I would not feel right without giving a trigger warning here. I don't write about rape, incest, etc, and that's not here. But what is here is a scenario of the painful and bad kind of sex that can happen when a relationship has turned toxic. I don't want to cause anyone a bad dream or flashback, so if you are hesitant about going on, just read this part from the original story and wait for Chapter 9. You won't hurt my feelings, and I don't want yours to be hurt either. Love to you all ... and to one of you in particular._

* * *

I ran up to our bedroom to take a shower. My hands shook as I turned the knobs up higher and higher, until the water was as scalding hot as I could stand. Steam filled the room as I leaned against the tile, still willing my heart to slow. But it wouldn't – it continued to race out of control. I placed my hands to my breast and looked down to see if my heart had broken free of my chest. I was intact, of course, though I was panting as though I'd just run a race.

And all over Professor Snape, and his touch that had -

 _\- changed his mind about going home. He Apparated out the shop and appeared in the middle of Muggle London, close to the neighborhood were Number Twelve stood, invisible to the rest of the world. He walked the residential streets around the block, talking himself out of appearing at the front door and begging her to let him -_

\- touch myself. I didn't want to, not while thinking of the man who had caused Harry so much pain, but all I could think of as the hot water streamed over my skin was his hands, and the incredible heat that had poured into my body when he touched me. Something inside me had flipped – maybe it was my mind because the idea of wanted to touch myself due to _Professor Snape_ made me shudder.

But the shudder wasn't of repulsion – it was of unparalleled desire.

I leaned against the wall once more, conditioner still in my hair and scenting the room with vanilla, and slid my hands between my thighs. I was wet, and it wasn't because of the water. I knew I'd been wet the second I took off my knickers and saw the little round spots that had made them cling to me as I'd walked up the long staircase. My fingers were quick as I rubbed myself to the brink of passion, almost catching it, almost -

 _\- gone completely mad. A beautiful girl like that from an upstanding family – who had been his_ student _for Pete's sake – wouldn't want anything to do with him. And besides that she'd been with Potter since they were kids!_

 _But that feeling … if he could only find a way to harness it, to bottle it so that he could have it in the palm of his hand and ready for his use he'd never need another whore again, or run the risk of having his mind taken over by a younger woman who could never want him at all._

 _Severus paced the street, much like he had done around Hogwarts on nights when he couldn't sleep, until he found himself in front of a small café about a mile away from where he'd started. He should eat something – maybe his mind was addled from the cake at tea. There was always a little Muggle money in his pocket. Transfiguring his cravat to a less conspicuous but still concealing scarf, and his cloak into a trench coat, he walked into the restaurant and was greeted by a lovely -_

\- moan when I realized I wasn't going to come after all. I slid down the side of the shower until I sat on the floor and wrapped my arms around my legs, sobbing until there were no tears left to cry.

Why did I even bother, when I knew the outcome would always be -

 _-_ **the same wine you served her last night, I don't think she liked that one much. There was still half a glass left when I got in," Harry said, looking at the spread on the dining room table just off the kitchen.**

 **Kreacher had really outdone himself tonight. There was a pork roast surrounded with crispy, roasted potatoes, parsnips drizzled with oil, steaming hot rolls with an assortment of honeys that could be served on them, pumpkin soup, and his favorite chocolate cake with little crystalized lavender blooms around the top.**

 **"This looks amazing, Kreacher – thank you," he said, genuinely touched that he went to so much trouble.**

 **"Kreacher hasn't cooked for Master Harry in months. It is Kreacher's honor as a house elf to prepare a good meal," he said, his toady voice wavering over the last few words as a few tears ran from his eyes.**

 **"Now, now, Kreacher," Ginny said, walking in from behind them and stooping to kiss Kreacher's head before giving Harry a quick peck on the cheek. He frowned at that – she should have kissed him first.**

 ** _Honestly_.**

 **"Kreacher will just get some wine for Miss Ginny," he said, looking embarrassed as he cracked out of the room and back in again with a dark bottle in his hand.**

 **"My favorite," she said, smiling as he left the bottle on the table and left the room quietly. She smoothed the skirt of her dress and said, "Hello, Harry."**

 **She did look beautiful tonight. Her dress was a flat, black fabric that clung to her like a second skin, and showed off the swell of the breasts he'd once so loved to suck. He caught a glimpse of red in the neckline, and felt his lip curl against the idea of her wearing red knickers like a tramp.**

 **"Hello Ginny," he replied, walking to her and taking her in his arms. He kissed her lips, sliding his tongue** _-_

\- in my mouth was an unwelcomed intrusion, so fast into the first seconds of kissing. I'd never liked to be kissed like that – I liked slow kisses where he took his time and nibbled my lips for a bit before he dove in.

Perhaps he missed me as much as I missed him, and that thought made me give in to the demanding mouth and tongue that felt like they might bruise me if he continued for too long.

"Let's have a little dinner," he whispered in my ear, his cool breath making me shiver against him, though not in passion or desire.

We served our plates and sat, with him at the seat at the end of the table that I had come accustomed to occupying. I sat next to him, on the left, facing the window that looked into the unseeing outside world.

"How was your day?" he asked, his mouth full of meat and veg.

I looked away with a little disgust before I answered. "Good. I ended up staying home anyways and studying, and then I had tea with Hermione and went … to … " _Damn_. I didn't want to tell him about my encounter with Professor – no – _Mr._ Snape. Harry almost didn't allow his name to be spoken in the house – he'd grown to hate him now more than ever, after that brief period where he was grateful for the protection over his life. He was now unable to stomach the thought of the love Snape had had for his mother. Especially not after it hit the gossip column.

"Where?" he asked, his green eyes flashing with curiosity as he poured me a glass of dark, garnet red wine.

I took a gulp of it, swallowing carefully before I replied, "To Flourish and Blotts to pick up a book I ordered on Alchemy."

"Why do you need to know about Alchemy?" he asked. "Nostalgic for stinking, dingy classrooms and greasy haired arseholes with affections for dead women?"

"No. I need to study it for my exam next week," I said lamely, drinking in another big swallow of the wine that was quickly warming my cheeks.

"What exam?"

I bit my lip and frowned, setting down the glass and looking at my full plate of food. "It's just something for work is all," I lied as I began to pick at my dinner.

"See anyone you know while you were out?" he asked as he helped himself to another spoon of potatoes.

"No," I said, shaking my head as though it were the truth. "But not everyone recognizes me another since …" I trailed off pointing to my hair and shifting on the green satin cover of the chair. I looked at my reflection in the window, and again thought that the person looking back at me was a -

 _\- stranger than the dinner he was seeing happening before him. Severus watched Miss Weasley, sadder than he'd ever remembered another person looking, save his own mother after a beating, pick over the decadent looking meal before her, while drinking goblet after goblet of wine, as Potter spoke endlessly to her, not letting her get a word in edgewise._

 _The charm had never been lifted, he'd realized as he walked to the strangely numbered houses on Grimmauld Place. Then he'd thought of the home, and of the address that had been given to him by Albus so many years ago, and suddenly it shifted into view. He felt like a voyeur when he flicked his wand and disappeared like a chameleon under the guise of a Disillusionment charm, but he just … he had to see her, and watch her as she -_

\- cried. "Two weeks?"

"It won't seem like that long. To finally find Macnair and Mulciber and snuff out two more Dark Wizards! Ginny, you have to set your mind on the bigger picture."

I tried to see it, but You Know Who had been gone for so long now that it didn't seem to matter to me that two of his little minions were still scurrying about without a master. I dabbed my eyes with my starched white napkin and silently wept as Harry finished his dinner in a slight huff before moving on to the chocolate cake.

"Want some?" he asked.

I shook my head and drank the rest of my glass of wine, thankful that the dull fog was finally setting in.

"It just seems like the War will never be over," I said, switching to water so I wouldn't get completely sloshed. Harry didn't like that.

"One step at a time. And two steps closer very soon," he said. I stared at the smear of brown frosting on his chin blankly.

"Oh, Merlin, please let that be true," I said morosely as I put my head in my hand and -

 _\- wept at the sight of her misery if he were a different man. And Potter seemed not to care. He was so indifferent and cold to her – had been since he snogged her so hard that her lips still looked irritated from it._

 _They stood up after he finished his cake, and the elf came in and cleared the table. Severus guessed at their destination, and before he knew what he was doing he climbed the standard issue fire escape up to the second floor, where he vaguely remembered a master bedroom being._

 _Yes, this must be it. The heavy drapes were partially opened, revealing a comfortable looking room with large, four poster bed. The heavy red quilt screamed "Gryffindor" in a house that was otherwise still very Slytherin, despite the homey touches of pictures and photographs that he assumed Miss Weasley must have added._

 _He felt mad for a minute, spying now – not openly like he had when he watched and reported on the Dark Lord – but in secret. And on Harry Potter and his long term girlfriend._

 _He watched them enter the room, Potter slipping up behind her and nibbling the white hollow where her neck and shoulder met, exposed by the racy little dress she wore. He heard her giggle and speak softly. It surprised Severus that this room was not charmed to be soundproof, out of all the rooms in the house this one would seem the most necessary. But he decided the oversight was not a horrible thing at all when he heard her moan, the sound going straight to his -_

\- **cock pressing into the hollow of her lower back.**

 **"You want to see if we remember where everything goes?" he asked, listening to her giggle lightly.**

 **"I'm game if you are," she said, moaning softly when he slipped his hand into her neckline and squeezed her breast gently at first, and then with more force as her moans got louder.**

 **He tugged the dress over her head and looked at her body, clad only in the red undergarments that should have turned him on, but only left him feeling hollow and a little angry that she felt the need to tart it up with him so** -

 _\- beautifully clad in undergarments crafted by the obvious hand of a master. He was harder than he'd ever been in his life as he watched her remove them, revealing full, soft breasts that were tipped in pink. Severus couldn't help but notice that her nipples were not hard or swollen at all, they were still as soft as the rest of the skin around it._

 _Confused, he peered in closer before he could feel too much like a pervert at a peep show; he'd worry about those emotions later, after a few drinks. He couldn't help but want to know … and when she turned slightly he saw that the still ginger hair between her thighs was dry, the folds there as dry as her brow and chest._

 _Why wasn't she aroused? What was Potter doing that left her so completely -_

\- devoid of an emotion as Harry sucked on my neck. I moaned as I knew I was supposed to, sighed in all the right places as he squeezed and nibbled on my skin.

He was so cold, save for the mouth that never travelled past my navel – and not even there anymore. He said time and time again it was unseemly, and that he refused to treat me like a whore, though he motioned for me to sink to my knees in front of his to suck his cock completely into hardness. I took him in my mouth, sucking the way he liked and running my tongue along the veins as he -

 _\- felt his knees weaken as she sucked him off. What would it feel like if it was_ his _cock in her mouth? If it was anything like the way her skin felt in his hands, he didn't know if he'd be able to stand it. But it was the look on her face, the flat look of duty, that made him still and his cock soften. She obviously didn't like it, so why was she even -_

\- **fucking Hell, she did have a perfect mouth, the best he'd ever had on** -

 _-_ my knees, doing what I must to get it over with.

"Ready?" he asked, pulling it out.

I nodded and smiled as he removed the rest of his clothes. The quilt was warm on my bum as he walked to me, his shaft still glistening with my spit as it bobbed with each step.

"Don't you need your …?" he asked, motioning to the drawer.

"Yes," I said. We'd learned the hard way a few years ago when it stopped being good, that we couldn't proceed without the _-_

- **jar of ointment from her hands and opened it, spreading it over his cock with smooth, even strokes.**

 **"Ready?" he asked, lips twitching as her crawled onto the bed as she spread her legs, rubbing the ointment on herself now.**

 **She looked up at him and bit her lip. "You could … help. I-I read in a magazine that if we do more before –"**

 **"No, Gin. Aren't you turned on enough by the snogs?"**

 **"But what if it –"**

 **"You aren't a whore, and I'm not going to touch you like you are one." Those touches were left for the nameless, faceless many who he didn't come home to at night and didn't have to look in the eye the next day. Why didn't she have more respect for herself?**

 **Her eyebrows tugged together as she nodded and said, "Right."**

 **He sighed as he knelt between her thighs and roughly pulled her legs around his hips, sinking his cock into her slightly sticky cunt.**

 **She moaned loudly as he slid in. Fuck, she was tighter than he remembered her being. It was so good, felt so -**

 _-_ bad. I knew I hadn't been aroused enough even with my earlier touches in the shower, and I was too tight. He didn't realize my cries were moans of -

\- _pain. Why wouldn't that idiot see she was hurting as he pounded into her without a care for her wellbeing?_

 _Severus shook, literally shook with the need to take over and make her enjoy it. He wanted to know what she would look like when she -_

 _-_ trembled beneath him with the urge to tell him to stop, but I knew he was close and it would be better to let him finish. Harry looked at me expectantly, and I knew it was time to culminate the charade. I threw my head back, exposing my white throat as I sighed and moaned again, giving him a smile as I -

\- _faked it. And Potter didn't even notice that it was all a show. He came with a shout before finally pulling off of her. Giving her a quick kiss, he walked to a room to the side which must have been bathroom and closed the door._

 _Severus watched her roll to the side, towards the window, and sob. He touched the glass with his bare hand, leaning his forehead against it as he watched her clean the ointment from between her legs, which looked to be streaked with pink and red against the white of the linen handkerchief. She started when Potter opened the door and walked back into the room, hiding the cloth under the mattress as he joined her in bed, patting her on the arm briefly before he charmed away the light._

 _Slowly, and carefully, Severus descended the fire escape and walked, invisible, to the closest alleyway he could find before he threw up the whole of his dinner._


	9. Examinations and Ruminations

**_Snape Spotted in Diagon Alley Bookshop  
by Rita Skeeter_**

 ** _It has come to my attention, writes Rita Skeeter, special correspondent for Witch Weekly, that none other than Severus Snape (former Headmaster for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Order of Merlin First and Third Class, Potions Master for the Ministry of Magic, and formerly the Right Hand Man to YOU KNOW WHO), was spotted last Friday in Diagon Alley, purchasing a Dark Arts Book in Flourish and Blotts._**

 ** _The anti-hero, who rarely is seen in public and is even more rarely seen at his post in the Ministry, apparently Apparated right out of the store after helping Ginny Weasley heal her ankle after she took nasty spill, poor girl._**

 ** _Hmmm … I wonder where on Earth he was going, since of course he hasn't been seen since. It could be_** **that** ** _encounter that put such a sweet smile on poor Ginny's face, something her co-workers aren't so used to seeing anymore, when she came back in to work?_**

 ** _On Monday._**

 ** _After not being seen at all that weekend herself, not even by -_**

\- my wit's end, that woman really has to stop it, doesn't she? Do you want me to file the injunction now?" Hermione threw the magazine into the fireplace next to our table.

I sat still and watched Skeeter's simpering face, chewing the end of a quill, burst into flames. And I was jealous of the picture, and of the heat of the fire as it warmed by toes and finger tips.

"No, it's fine," I said, still staring into the flames as Hermione threw up her hands in irritation. "I've said it before Hermione, it'll only make it worse."

"Why are you so good?" she asked, grabbing another cucumber sandwich.

"It's all I know how to be anymore," I whispered as I wondered what happened to the -

 _\- crackers neatly stacked on the corner of his plate, four vanilla biscuits filled with raspberry jam, and a half of a cream cheese and tomato sandwich that Mary should have realized now that he wouldn't ever eat._

 _He brought the biscuit to his lips, then staggered when the sweet scent reached his nose._

 _Miss Weasley._

 _Ginny … -_

\- hello? Earth to Ginny?" Hermione said, taking my hand and squeezing it tightly as I turned back to face her.

"Sorry, 'Mione," I said, feeling sleepy after eating too many sandwiches and drinking too many cups of tea.

"How much longer do you have to work today? You look exhausted," she remarked, taking a sip from the delicate china cup in her hands.

I pulled out my schedule and looked at what I should be doing for the next hour or two. "I've only got one more patient to see in the clinic before I can knock off." He would a new client – well, all of my clients were new for the most part. The notes next to Michael Fitzpatrick's name said that he had a bad incident with a Magical Creature a few years ago that still required follow-up.

"Have you not been sleeping well without Harry?" she asked, studying me carefully over the cup.

I shook my head – it was half true anyways. I didn't sleep as well without Harry by my side. Even if he couldn't provide any comfort to me in his medicated sleep, just knowing he was there was still helpful.

The dreams had been worse since he left. I tried to blame running into Professor – _Mr_. – Snape for that, but the truth is the dreams were always worse when I was alone, or had any kind of stress going on in my life.

"No, I haven't been. And studying for the exam tomorrow has been consuming me."

"Little Ginny Weasley, soon to be the Premier Healer in all of St. Mungo's," Hermione said proudly as she stood up to bid me goodbye. "We'll have to celebrate your success, when I get back from the mini-break."

"I hope your parents are well. Send them my love," I said, standing too to give her a hug.

"I will. Please don't forget that they still want to look at your teeth the next time you come with me for a visit. I know it's weird, but it's how they show their love," she said as she squeezed me so tightly to her that I almost lost my breath.

"Have a good time," I called as she walked out the door that led into the tea room. I sat back down and poured myself one more cup, hoping this one would put a little more spring in my step. Then I very covertly lit myself one of the clove fags I'd been saving and leaned back against the chair. I didn't as much smoke it as I enjoyed the scent it released as it burned -

 _-_ **his insides.**

 **Why the bloody hell hadn't she told him that she'd run into that nasty piece of shite when he'd asked her about her day. She'd lied to him, and he didn't understand why.**

 **"Can you spare me for the night?" he asked Gawain when he marched into his room at the safe house they were camping in.**

 **Gawain regarded him carefully before he replied, "Why?"**

 **"I'm just worried about Ginny is all. I haven't been away from her for this long since we started living together," Harry said, Occluding his thoughts as best he could.**

 **His senior inhaled deeply as he looked at the parchments in front of him. "One night, Potter, and you be back here before dawn even breaks in the tomorrow."**

 **"Thanks, sir," Harry said, turning to go back to his room to get his traveling cloak.**

 **"Potter," Gawain said, his voice very controlled.**

 **Harry turned back around and waited for him to speak.**

 **"You and Ginny both will have to learn that if you want to be a field agent, there are going to be times when you are away. It could be a few days, or even a few months. As it is, we're going to have to stay another week, and I won't let you leave again for a quickie with your girl. You both need to prepare for this kind of life."**

 **"Yes, sir," Harry said, turning around again.**

 **"Potter?"**

 **He just turned his head around this time. "Yes?"**

 **"Don't ever lie to me again, boy," Gawain said, snuffing out the fag he'd been smoking as he looked back down at the parchment and maps sitting** _-_

\- before me was not a "Michael Fitzpatrick" as had been listed on my schedule. The big smile on my face froze into place as I tried not to show my shock.

The man sitting in my exam room, dressed entirely in black as was his custom, was Mr. Snape.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, putting his chart on the bed as I sat down in the exam chair next to it.

He looked at me nervously, the light in his black eyes flickering as he held his hand out to me. I ignored it and busied myself with trying to ready myself for the exam to take place, pulling out gauze and other things I may or may not need from the cabinet next to us and laying them out on the top.

"I've been seeing a Healer at St. Charmaine's since …" he said, putting his hands on his knees and staring at the wall behind me.

"I understand – I read your file," I said, picking it up again as though he required proof.

He smiled wanly and nodded. "It's time for my yearly checkup, and I didn't wish to travel as I have a potion in a critical stage, so I decided to establish my care here."

"Who is Michael Fitzpatrick?"

The smile dulled even more before it left his face altogether. "It's what they let me go by when I lived in Paris and worked at St. Charmaine's, making their potions. Michael is my middle name, and Patrick was my father's middle name. I was conceived out of wedlock," he finished, shrugging as he fiddled with a piece of lint on his thigh.

I was amazed he was telling me all this, but then again whenever I donned my Healers robes and heavy veil and mantle, it seemed like my patients could tell me anything and everything about their life. Even Mr. Filch, who once told me about his childhood sweetheart who had died in the first War.

"I'll need to examine you, Mr. Snape," I said, motioning for him to remove his cravat and unbutton his coat and shirt.

He closed his eyes and sighed heavily as he did so, before he began the work of unbuttoning the long line of -

 _\- damn buttons. He realized he should have worn a simpler coat today, but oh no, he wanted to keep playing the part of the Potions Master and look as -_

\- sexy as hell in his black pants, unbuttoned shirt, and cravat still wound around his neck. I turned around and hid my blush as I pulled a bottle of Dittany out of the drawer as well as some Soothing Balm.

"Your cravat too, and you'll need to sit on the bed again," I murmured, controlling my blush as taking a deep breath before I turned around and saw the scar. It was not the worst I'd seen after five and a half years at St. Mungo's. But it was very, very close.

"It's terrible, isn't it?" he asked, trying to make a joke of it, though the humor died the second the words left his mouth.

"Does it still hurt?"

He shook his head. "The skin just gets tight from time to time. They had to regrow the skin, but the muscle never would come back, hence the –"

"Hollow appearance," I said, nodding as examined it closer, with my eyes only this time. The left side of his neck was indented at least an inch in or more, with white, shiny and very tight skin covering it, looking painful indeed when I motioned for him to move his neck from side to side.

"Have you tried any treatment in the Muggle world? I don't normally recommend it but they have an injection that might ease it some."

He shook his head. "Tried it once. It remains the same."

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Snape," I said, standing up now so that I could … oh gods, I would have to touch him. Surely it had been a fluke, some weird reaction caused by the charm or by my lunch. I took in a steadying breath and psyched myself out completely as I walked up close to him, just an inch or two separating our bodies. I raised my hands and pressed them to his -

 _\- neck, and by gods everything within him felt completely alive again, as though he could burst open just from her touch. He moaned, making her start a little and try to pull her hands away. Without thinking, he grabbed her wrists and gazed up at her, sighing as she looked at him and -_

\- burned under his touch, I was burning all over this time, and the fire licking my groin now as the heat passed through every part of my body.

"Did I hurt you?" I asked, my voice shaking, as I tried to pull away again.

He shook his head and kept a firmer grip on my wrists. "No," he said, the voice vibrating under my hands, sending waves of pleasure through my -

 _\- body. He tried to talk himself out of getting hard, but he knew he was and that this must stop … eventually._

 _"_ _Why did you come to see me today?" she asked, her voice breathy as her eyes dilated._

 _"_ _You are the most qualified Healer here," he said smoothly, watching a tremor pass through her again. It was then that he realized his touch must be affected her as much as -_

\- his did to me, as his breath quickened and the tone of his voice went even deeper and more erotic.

I finally pulled away and turned around, putting my hands to my face so that I could calm down a little. When I turned back to face him, not feeling a bit better, I saw his hands were at his neck where mine had just been.

"I … I … I don't know if there's much I can do at this visit. It's healed, but with the problems you are still having with the new skin I'd like to research a few things and have you come back," I said, pulling a card out of my pocket and tapping it with my wand. "I have my exam tomorrow morning, but I can see you tomorrow afternoon after that. It would be after tea again I'm afraid." I smiled brightly as he took the card from my hand.

"That's fine," he said quickly, putting the card in his -

 _\- pocket._

 _He looked around the empty house and knew that Ginny would be home soon; she never had to work past six. Asking Kreacher just to make some soup and leave it in the icebox for later, he climbed the stairs and waited for her to -_

\- celebrate after you pass your exam tomorrow?" Mr. Snape asked as he rewound the cloth around his neck.

I frowned uneasily. "Who said I would pass?"

"Won't you?" he said, giving me a wink that set a spark down my overheated spine.

"I guess that would be nice, as long as we go somewhere that's … not …" I got flustered with having to tell him I didn't want to be recognized going out with him due to the article I knew he hadn't read.

"I understand. I don't like the looks either. We'll go to a Muggle pub or something for a drink and some food if that's okay with you."

"Yes," I said.

"Tomorrow then," he said, touching his hand with mine one more time, branding me again before he -

 _\- did one of the hardest things he'd ever done and left her there, standing by the exam bed, looking so confused and so beautiful he couldn't stand not taking her with him._


	10. Snuffing Out the Light

_A/N: A little trigger warning here as well, not as bad as before but ... just in case. It'll be easy to pick up the story back up in the next chapter if you need to._

* * *

I Floo'd home after I was done documenting on the patients I'd seen that day. It really could have waited until tomorrow, but I honestly needed the extra time to compose myself after Mr. Snape left. As I busied myself with the mundane chore in my office, my mind kept flashing unwillingly back to his hands, and the way they made me feel.

It had never been like that before with Harry, even when it was good. His touches had made me feel warm and giddy in those days, not hot and burning and alive with electricity. My knickers were clinging to me again, making me even more aware of the effect he had on me.

Michael Fitzpatrick.

Such an unassuming name, so different than Severus Michael Snape was in our world. And he had lived under that name in the years he was gone, apparently working in Paris and not hiding out in some horrible little secret shack like Harry thought he'd done. I couldn't help but wonder what he'd been like then. He seemed so different the two times I'd seen him, almost like a different man completely. The defiant scowl was gone, and I could see his face easily since he didn't keep his hair in front of it all the time. And when he spoke, his words to me had been soft and kind.

What about in Paris, when he lived life as Mr. Fitzpatrick? What was he like?

What kind of man was he then, when no one knew his name?

I couldn't figure out why I'd agreed to have dinner with him, other than the politeness being an automatic response to being invited out. And it would be nice to celebrate my success, if there was one to celebrate. Hermione was out of town of course, Ron had mentioned going to a stag party with George, and Harry … I sighed when I remembered that even if he were here, he hadn't remembered about the exam at all.

I braced myself after a bad Floo connection made my stomach flip and walked out of the fireplace, almost running into a to the man in front of me. I let out a little shriek of fright before I realized it was Harry. I looked up and into his eyes, made even more green by the still glowing light of the Floo connection.

"Harry!" I said, putting my arms around him in genuine surprise and happiness.

"Ginny," he replied coldy. His arms remained at his side as I pulled away. The look on his face troubled me. I'd seen him angry before, but never like this. "You lied to me," he said, showing me a copy of Rita Skeeter's column.

My face paled as I looked at that bitch's simpering face wink at me and chew her on the tip of her quill, then looked at the headline beneath it, though I knew what it was going to say. I swallowed and coughed, clearing my dry throat before I spoke. "I didn't want to upset you, since we hadn't had dinner together in so long! I ran into Mr. Snape, and he helped me when I twisted my ankle. That's all! Ask Kreacher – I was here all weekend, I swear to it!"

His eyes swept over my face before he threw the paper down on the table and sat down on the wooden bench. "I believe you. I just really hate that git, Ginny. I don't want him anywhere near you, and tell the truth next time."

I closed my eyes and sat down next to him, putting my arm around him as wiped tears from his eyes. "I know, Harry."

"I hate what he did to my Mum, to my family," he said, his voice brittle as he wept in the kitchen, not for the first time since we'd lived together there.

"Shhh, Harry – I know," I said, though I believed that giving Harry all those years of protection and almost his life should have been enough payback for the single wrong he did so long ago that caused a chain reaction he'd had no control over. "Do you want something to drink? I could make us some hot chocolate, mixed with that rum you like?"

He shook his head and took a handkerchief from his pocket, blowing his nose loudly. Then he did something he hadn't done in years. He placed his head against my breast, listening to my heartbeat as he wrapped his arms around me tightly. When we were very young, after the War, on nights when my parents had drunk a little more sherry than they should and slept more soundly from it, he would creep into my room and do the same thing, just listening to my heart because he said it calmed him.

Sighing, he squeezed me tighter as I placed my arms around his shoulders and held him to him, trying very hard not to cry. This was the Harry I fell in love with, not the angry man who couldn't seem to stop moving. Was he still in there, just waiting to come back out again?

"I missed this," he said. I leaned my nose to his hair and sniffed it, trying not to let it bother me that I slightly smelled hyacinths and rose water. He always came back to me, just like he did -

 _\- tonight he swore not to go back, but he'd sworn the same thing every night for the last week, and yet he wanted to watch her move within the house with a book in her hand, studying as she did little mundane tasks like pouring herself a glass of wine or stoking the fire in the kitchen while eating her dinner so that she wouldn't have to bother Kreacher._

 _Severus didn't expect to see Potter there. He thought he'd heard her say that he was gone for a fortnight. But there they were, in the kitchen and clinging to each other like long lost lovers as he walked up to the window. He thought about leaving, cancelling his next appointment with her and pretending like he'd never met her again at all. But there was something in her eyes as she buried her nose in Potter's hair and looked out the window with longing. It was a measure of pain and resignation that should not ever be present in a woman who couldn't be much older than twenty three. Her eyes in that moment looked as old as his own did, not burning and young like they had not an hour before._

 _They murmured to each other, and Potter took her hand and led her out of the room. Just as he had before, he climbed the fire escape and watched them enter their bedroom. They undressed silently, not even looking at each other as -_

\- **he asked, hoping she might be up for it.**

 **Ginny nodded slyly. "It think I can manage," she answered with a little smile that warmed his heart just a little bit.**

 **He unmade the bed and laid down on it, his cock already hard by the idea as they walked up the steps to their room. After removing the pot and rubbing the contents on his hard length, he passed it to her, and she rubbed it on her folds. He cocked his head to the side, trying to figure out if she was already** -

 _-_ wet enough from the heat of Mr. Snape's hands on mine, but it was a good idea to apply it just in case, even if it was out of habit.

I climbed onto the bed and threw my leg over his body like a dancer. It had been our favorite position once, as Harry had full access to my breasts for him to play with or suck.

"Ready?" he asked, taking himself in hand and guiding himself to my pussy.

I nodded, and slid down on him, feeling the pain of not being quite _-_

\- _ready enough dammit! She obviously knew what she was doing, even if Potter as oblivious. When her leg had gracefully swung over Potter's narrow form, his own legs had almost given out from the lust that rolled through his body. It was a beautiful thing to watch her move, even now as she rode the boy beneath her. But the pain was still in her eyes and clearly written all over her face. He turned away from it, unable to watch; yet with a groan he turned back to the scene, unable to look away._

 _She smiled, slyly, her body shaking as smallish hands cupped her breasts and squeezed_ **-**

 _-_ **the soft skin under his hands felt so good, even if he wanted another's there instead** _-_

\- of the pain. Just a little longer, a little longer and he'd be done, and I could apply the Soothing Balm that sat under the bed. I felt him swell inside me and knew he was almost there. Just before he started to shout I touched my clit roughly and shook as I smiled again, earning a happy gaze from the man beneath me. I collapsed against him and felt his arms around my back, patting me as he slid out of me.

"I need a shower," he said, kissing me gently before I rolled to the side to let him get up.

When I heard the bathroom door shut, I turned over and started to cry silently as I wiped the blood from my legs again with a soft flannel. Why even bother with the ointment, or with anything, if nothing helped it anymore? Why did it -

 _-_ **matter or not if he came within her anyways? He finished his wank in the shower, just as he had done the previous week, and watched his cum wash away with the suds down the drain.**

 **Better anyways – even if she was on the Potion neither of them wanted a baby. And if she didn't even notice with all the grease already between her legs from the jar, then what did it matter? Why should he even** _-_

- _care. He'd never cared about another person in his life, save for Lily. Why should he care about this girl, not ten feet from him, who stirred something in him he hadn't felt_ -

 _-_ in my entire life, I'd never felt more like the whore Harry told me my desires made me than when he kissed me goodbye and told me he'd be gone an extra week, and not to expect him back again before then. He didn't even care about my tears, my cries for him to stay just ten more minutes when he shut the door behind him.

When it opened again five minutes later I'd still held on to hope that he'd come back, returned to stay with me a little while longer, but it was Kreacher with hot toddy and a bowl of soup, his great eyes sad as he turned away from me as though he was as ashamed as Harry should have been. I ate a few bites of the soup, but I couldn't stomach it all. The toddy was overly sweet to mask the massive amount of brandy he'd added, but the cinnamon stick floating about made it all seem like I was just having a cup of cider on a cold night, instead of getting drunk so that I could try to go to _-_

\- _sleep. She tossed and turned in the bed fitfully after drinking the steaming cup of pure brandy he'd Confunded Kreacher into making for her. It hadn't been hard to do, and in the end he didn't think Kreacher had minded the forgetting. Severus wondered just how much the poor little elf had seen and heard during his years of service to this house, and if these current occupants might not be the saddest group yet._

 _"Kreacher just wants someone to treat Madam Weasley like she deserves. Best Weasley of the bunch," he'd said, just before his eyes turned misty and vague._

 _He knew nightmares far too well not to recognize the signs that she was having them too. When she reached over to the empty spot next to her in the bed, then sat up in bed and charmed the lights on, she was green with nausea and shaking with fright._

 _She walked to the bathroom, hand covering her mouth, and shut the door behind her. Even from where he was, he could see the steam wafting from the room and smell the perfume emanating from it. He took the watch from his pocket and realized that it was only half past ten. She would be able to sleep before her exam, if her dreams didn't leave her exhausted in the morning._

 _Miss Weasley returned to the room shortly thereafter, dropping the towel that had been secured around her body before getting into bed and charming away the lights again._

 _He left his post on the escape outside then and wandered the streets of London for hours, visible only to himself, before he decided to return his flat for a shower of his own. It was in there, as the heat seared through the damaged skin on his neck, that he realized what he wanted, needed, to do. Severus just hoped she needed and wanted it just as much. From what he had seen of her life, he'd never been so sure of himself as he quickly devised the plan before he too, albeit briefly, slipped between the cool sheets of his bed and cast out the light around him._


	11. Scraps of Lace

"How did you do, love?" my mother asked as she hugged me so tightly I thought she might break one of my ribs.

"I passed." The sound of my voice was muffled against her shoulder.

"What was that dear? 'You guessed'? What on Earth did you guess about?" she let me go and looked me over, nodding happily when she saw my lime green robes were spotless.

"No, mum, _I passed!"_ I said excitedly.

She beamed at me and grabbed my hand as she guided me to Rosa Lee's for lunch. "Of course you passed – was there ever any question about it?"

I laughed, remembering just how difficult the exam had been. Especially after last night … I shuddered a little as I remembered just how much I'd hurt this morning as I applied more Soothing Balm and Bruise Removal Paste. I was all healed now of course – that was the good thing about Magical Healing. Minor injuries could be fixed in the blink of an eye.

But I still blinked back a few tears in spite of it. There was nothing that would ease the hurt in my heart every time it happened.

"Oh, my sweet Ginny! Were you really that nervous?"

I blinked hard and looked at my Mum, whose eyes were full of kind, warm concern. Not for the first time, I simply nodded and said, "I was! The Potions, you know – hard to catch completely up on all the advanced techniques."

She opened the door ahead of me, and we walked into the warm tea room, which was also well known for providing a good lunch. The waitress found us a cozy table next to the fireplace, as I couldn't seem to stop shivering. It was getting close to December, and it had been sleeting on and off for days. I couldn't seem to shake the chill, especially after experiencing such intense heat …

" … is really good, I heard from Angelina at least, but Penelope says to order one of the pies, that any of them are phenomenal. What do you think dear?"

I shook my head, trying to snap out of my daze. "Whatever you want to order I'll have as well."

"All right then. Two of the chicken and leek pies, and a pot of Earl Grey. And some of those Jammy Dodgers – those are your favorite aren't they?"

I nodded and smiled at my mother's brown eyes, so bright and vibrantly brown, just like mine once were.

"Okay – the Jammy Dodgers and maybe the Treacle Tart along with –"

"Mum, it is just the two of us," I said, giggling as she continued to order down the menu as though every last one of my brothers were present.

"But we are celebrating!" she said, almost crowing her delight. She stood up and clanged her fork against her water glass, causing the other patrons to look up. I ducked my head a little, hoping I wouldn't see anyone I knew too well. "Attention all! I just wanted to announce that my daughter, Ginny Weasley, has just become the first triple specialized Healer in the history of all of St. Mungo's! Not even Dilys Derwent could say that!"

I blushed so deeply red I was later surprised it didn't reactivate my hair back to its previously carroty state. There was round of hearty applause around the shop, and even the manager came to the table and clapped me on the back, telling me it was –

\- " _impressive work you've done on the Potion, Severus. How soon do you think it will be ready?" Minister Shacklebolt asked as he thumbed through the meticulous notes, written in exacting, spiky scrawl across the countless pages of parchment._

 _"_ _After I finish the final formulation, I will have to test it – on myself, naturally – as per the norm. I hope perhaps in two weeks to a month at the longest, to reach the test state," Severus said, staring into the grey slime bubbling in the cauldron before them. It was not progressing as he'd hoped, and he was going to have to research carefully to figure out the last couple of ingredients._

 _"_ _Two weeks would be better," the Minister said, his low voice – almost as low as Severus's own – reverberating slightly throughout the lab._

 _"_ _I could do two weeks if you could ever find me a qualified Apprentice," Severus replied, knowing one didn't exist and never would. No one could meet his standards, and he was far more advanced in his knowledge than would suit an advanced beginner._

 _Kingsley snorted before he set the parchments down on Severus's desk and walked to the door. "Good work, as always. Just keep us updated on your progress."_

 _"_ _Of course," Severus said, just before Kingsley walked out of the door and shut it firmly behind him. He frowned as he looked at the murk in front of him, then sighed heavily as he walked to his specimen wall._

 _Nothing had worked as he had intended for it to. Nothing was producing the desired results for sleep – it was as though the ingredients were fighting each other. Of course, if he could keep his mind completely present in the lab, and not think of the girl he was taking out to dinner tonight, he would be able to work much more efficiently._

 _But thoughts of her randomly appeared in his mind, unbidden, throughout the day. Sometimes he felt as though every time he closed his eyes he could see her in those red, lacy knickers that showed more skin than they covered and see the way her breasts swayed as she rocked on top of Potter's scrawny, selfish body._

 _She was real, and she made him feel real by just being in her presence now. Even when he watched her as she read her books or just slept, he felt as though he –_

 _-_ didn't have to get my anything, Mum. Really, it's too much," I said, blushing even more as I accepted the envelope from her hands.

"It's just a little something dear," she said, motioning for me to open it.

I put down my raspberry biscuit and licked my fingers before I broke the red wax seal on the envelope and opened it, pulling out a heavy, cream colored card inside.

 **For the beholder of this card:  
Anything you want, anything you need, anything you desire (within reason, love)  
at Twilfitt and Tatting's in Diagon Alley  
With hugs and kisses,  
Mum and Dad**

"Oh, Mum – Twilfitt and Tatting's! It's – "

"Not too much, now hush," she said, popping a biscuit in my mouth.

I frowned at her as I started to chew on it, trying to hurry so I could start protesting again.

"Ginny, we won't take no for an answer on this. Your dad got a raise or two in the last couple of years, and we wanted to … well," she said, taking out a handkerchief and dabbing at her eyes. "It always hurt me a little having to put you in second and third hand clothes, and I thought you might like to have something really nice to celebrate is all. We're just so proud of you!"

I swallowed and looked at my Mum's sweet, generous face that had been through so much in her short life. Somehow, it didn't show – her face was still as open and dear as it had been before the Battle of Hogwarts.

Before Fred died.

I sniffled and looked at the card again, thinking of what Freddie would have to say about me shopping and T&T's.

" _Oh Gin – look who's going to be the Queen of the ball? My little sister, that's who!"_

I sighed and put the card in the front pocket of my robes, putting on a smile as I heard the sound of Fred's happy laughter in my ears. "Alright, mum. Thank you so much – and give dad a kiss for me too."

"Will you go today? Just make the afternoon about you?"

I nodded. "I have a patient after tea that I need to do a little research on, but I should have enough time to go by."

"Good!" she exclaimed, looking -

\- **up from the maps and rubbing her eyes.**

 **"Tedious, isn't it?" Harry said. He shifted in his chair and tried to adjust himself discreetly as she stood up and walked to him, kneeling between his legs.**

 **"I know something that would give us both a little relief," she said, her ruby red lips parting a little as she unzipping his trousers. He moaned and ran his fingers through the heavy reddish-gold strands that were the color of the sunset, the color of -**

 _-_ the Slytherin banner! Harry will kill me," I said, moaning a little as Astoria held the silk in front of my face.

"But look what it does to your skin, Ginny. Here, take off that veil and wimple – there's a girl," she said, taking it and the mantle from me as I unwound the braid from the back of my head. "It's a marvelous color for you," she sighed.

I looked at myself in the gas lights of the store and removed Harry's revulsion for me wearing green from my mind.

She was right, of course.

The bright green made my skin look like alabaster, making my freckles look more dramatic. Yet, somehow that looked right, especially with the dark red lights popping out from my hair like embers in a fire that needed to be stoked.

Fire … and heat.

Even without his touch, just by thinking about Mr. Snape, I started to burn inside. I watched in the mirror as my lips reddened a little and swelled.

"You see! You have to let me put you in this color," Astoria sighed, flipping back a rope of her thick brown hair.

"Yes, you do," I said firmly.

She squealed, earning a disapproving look from the grey haired matron behind the desk in the back of the shop. Astoria winked at me as she went to a wardrobe to the side and pulled out an emerald green dress cut from the same silk.

I knew it would be perfect the second I saw it. The hem of the pencil cut skirt would end just below my knee, but there was a high slit up the side, probably ending almost at my hip. The bodice could have been called a cowl neck line if it'd been higher and not dipping so low that I wouldn't be able to wear a bra. Heck, the fabric was so thin I wouldn't be able to wear knickers, either.

The matron looked up again, eyeing the dress with disapproval.

"I'll take it," I said. "But I'll need some shoes to wear with it, along with a heavy cloak that doesn't look like …" I pointed at my serviceable black cloak hanging on a hook by the front door.

"We've got just the thing," she said, walking to another wardrobe and removing a heavy, dove grey cloak that would fall to my ankles. "And it's charmed to keep the wearer toasty warm."

"Sold," I said, laughing now with real joy. "I'll buy the cloak myself, and the rest my parents are taking care of." I showed her the card, which she took from me as we walked to the matron's desk.

"What a little tart you'll look like in that," she said, with a loud sniff of disapproval.

Suddenly, I heard Harry's voice in my mind, telling me the exact same thing. " _You aren't a whore …"_

Astoria's angry voice brought me back to the present. "Really, Gram – how could you say something like that to her? I have this exact dress! _In red_!" she finished, her face sneering but also as hurt as mine was.

"Then _you_ ring her up," the old woman said as she got up and walked to the back door.

Astoria and I stared at each other for a minute before she wiped a tear from her eye and asked, "What size shoe to you wear?"

"A seven," I said, clearing my throat.

She nodded and looked at the shoes behind her, grabbing a pair of gold, strappy heeled sandals. A tap of the wand to their soles, and they lengthened to the perfect size seven. "These are what I wear with mine," she said, not meeting my eye.

"Hey," I said, lowering my head so I could catch her gaze. "You aren't responsible for her."

Astoria nodded and sighed. "It's why I'm in this shop. Mum and Dad want it to succeed and grow past the regular clientele we've always had, and they know that her not giving up her position is holding us back from being a bigger and better store." She started to pack up the purchases in a few large bags before she giggled to herself. "Actually, I'm glad she's gone now – I've got something for you she'd completely hate."

I watched her run to a dresser a few feet away, open a drawer, and pull out a piece of nude colored lace. She turned back around mischievously and showed me what was in her hands.

"Are those … ?"

She nodded and grinned. "This way you'll still have a little coverage, but there won't be a line under your dress."

"Little is right," I said, taking the tiny scrap of intricate lace from her hands. "This goes on my bill, too."

Astoria laughed outright. "Definitely not the kind of knickers you want your Mum to know you own."

"Quite," I replied, giggling nervously as I handed them back to her.

"You are going to drive Harry crazy in this, green or not," she said as she started writing up the two bills.

"Harry," I said, nodding absently. But I knew the second I saw the dress that I would never wear it for the man who I had a home with.

I was going to wear it for the man whose touch set me on fire.


	12. Admission and Omission

I went back to St. Mungo's and dropped the packages off at my little office on the third floor before running up to the library on the sixth. I browsed through the shelves of books until I found the sections on Skin Repair. After finding a few books that might prove useful, I sat down on a bench at one of the long tables in the center and began to read.

In fact, I read straight through tea, and had to grab nine more books from three other sections before I had the answer I needed to tell him, though I was sure it wasn't one he wanted to hear. With a loud sigh that earned me a disapproving look from the librarian in the corner, who narrowed her eyes at me over cat eye spectacles. I smiled as I brought her my arm load of books to be reshelved, although what I really wanted to do was tell her –

 _-I'm afraid it's not the news you might have wanted to hear, although it might be a viable solution," she said as she sat in the little round and backless chair in front of him._

 _"_ _I've sure I've heard worse news in my time, Miss Weasley." He picked a piece of lint of the sleeve of his jacket, just as he always did when he was nervous. Even with her veil on with the wimple that covered all but the center of her heart-shaped face, she looked prettier than he could remember another woman appearing, in his eyes at least._

 _"_ _I know you have," she said kindly before she cleared her throat and looked through her notes. She looked up nervously at him as she spoke. "If you would allow me, there is an intensive procedure where I could replace the skin without having to remove the previous work that's been done. I won't lie and tell you it would be easy to endure. I'd need to make some very specific cuts on your neck, apply creams and unguents that have to be made within minutes of application of each application, and give you a dose of Skinnergiser every half hour for twenty doses."_

 _He raised his eyebrows and nodded slowly before releasing a breath. "I think intensive isn't a worthy enough adjective."_

 _"_ _Probably not," she agreed rather solemnly._

 _Severus chewed the inside of his cheek as he considered this alternative. He'd only come to see her for the follow-up to make sure it wasn't getting infected again and to assure himself the stiffening of the skin wasn't getting worse, and of course as an excuse just to be in her presence one more time. Never in his lifetime would he have dreamed she would have found a treatment, as daunting as it would be to complete. She changed again in his eyes, for he'd first seen her as his ex-student and Potter's girl that first day in Flourish and Blotts. Then, after touching her, she was the woman he wanted and craved with an all-consuming madness. Now,_ now … _he respected her, and realized she was an equal and a contemporary. He smirked a little, and fought the urge to laugh at the thought the girl who had once been so small, when he first saw her at the age of eleven, could become so grand a woman._

 _"_ _What's wrong, Mr. Snape? Is it not something you wish to pursue?"_

 _He looked up into her bright eyes and nodded briskly. "I actually think I would, but I probably need to finish up a Potion I've been working on before we set a time."_

 _"_ _Just let me know when you're ready, and I'll make myself available," she said as she stood and turned to the little cabinet behind her, shuffling the pile of papers there and in her lap. After a minute, she said, "I did pass, you know."_

 _"_ _I had no doubt," he replied, arching his eyebrow as she turned around and scowled at him before returning to the task of organizing her notes._

 _"_ _I'm glad someone didn't. I slept so badly last night that I –" she stopped and looked up as though she just remembered where she was. "Sorry, I know you don't want to know about that."_

 _He stood and walked up closely behind her, raising a hand to touch her shoulder before thinking the better of it and stopping. "Who said I didn't want to know?"_

 _"_ _Who would want to know about nightmares of the War?" she asked as she tied her notes into a tidy pack and placed them on a rack above her head._

 _"_ _Someone who suffers the same malady, perhaps," he said, so softly she leaned back a little to catch every word, though still she didn't turn around to look at him. "Is that the only reason you slept so poorly?"_

 _"_ _No," she said simply, though she brought a hand to her throat. "There were other reasons."_

 _"_ _I know," he said before he could stop himself._

 _She turned around this time and stared at him, hard. "What do you mean?"_

 _He hesitated, wanting to lie to her about what he'd done, but for some strange reason he found he could not. "I know where your home is, Miss Weasley. And you and Potter have … gotten out of the habit of closing your drapes."_

 _"_ _Oh gods above," she whispered as she sat down so hard on her little rolling chair that it almost flew out from under her. He saw tears sparkle in her eyes as she took in the fact that –_

 _-_ someone knew. And merciful Morgana – _he_ knew! The very man I wanted so badly that my knees shook through the whole of the interview, he knew my terrible secret, and what's more he knew because we _were_ so careless from living in an invisible, hidden house that we _had_ stopped doing such a simple thing as closing the curtains before we went to bed. I fought the urge to weep as the thought occurred to me that others could have seen – then I quickly realized if anyone in my family had, I would have known about it in seconds.

"Miss Weasley, I – "

"Ginny. I think if you've seen all that, it's time to dispense with formalities, isn't it?" I asked, hating the fragile, brittle sound of my voice as I addressed him. But still I couldn't look up at him.

And what's more, I couldn't even let myself get upset that he's seen. Because last night, as I'd ridden Harry to completion, I thought I'd smelled the faintest scent of clove fags and sandalwood … and it had excited me.

"Was last night the only time?" I asked.

He sighed and shook his head.

"Why?"

Sitting back down on the exam bed in front of me and taking great care not to touch me now, he lowered his head, trying to catch my eyes. I kept shifting my gaze around, not wanting to see the pity in them.

"Ginny, look at me."

I looked up then – the tone of this voice was so sad and contrite it very nearly broke my heart. Our eyes caught each other's. And the expression in his wasn't one of pity, or disgust – at himself or with me. They were filled with heavy remorse, and when he spoke his voice was laden with regret.

"I don't know what this is, between us. When I touch you, something happens inside you, doesn't it?"

I nodded.

"It's the same for me. I wanted to watch you, protect you – I don't even know anymore truth be told. But I do know I should have hexed him when I saw him hurt you."

I shook my head forcefully. "It's not his fault, really – you mustn't say things like that Mr. Snape."

"Severus," he correctly, his eyes haunted and burning with an unspeakable emotion.

"Severus," I replied, letting his name flow from my tongue.

"It's not your fault either, Ginny," he said, stroking my fabric covered arm. I could feel his warmth through my robes, but not the all-consuming heat as there would be if he was touching my bare skin.

"Of course it is. My … deficiencies … are the reason it started happening in the first place," I said, though for the first time since my desires started to die away, I didn't believe it.

His hand traveled down to mine, though he only touched the cuff of my robe and did not venture any further down. "Do you really believe that?"

"Yes!" I cried, even though my heart screamed the opposite.

"Ginny," he said –

- _unable to stop saying her name once he'd started._

 _"_ _Ginny …"_

 _"_ _Severus …'_

 _They stared at each other forever it seemed, though later he'd come to find it was only a few minutes. Their hands never did venture to each other's during that time. He merely continued to stroke the cuff of her robes, and she placed a hand to his coated forearm and squeezed it tightly. What broke the spell was a hard, brisk knock to the exam room door._

 _"_ _You alright Healer Weasley?" a deep voice on the other side asked._

 _She jumped back, breaking the limited contact they had, and even with that he realized he missed her touch._

 _"_ _I'm fine Healer McBride – just finishing up," she said back, standing to her feet._

 _"_ _Have a good weekend."_

 _Ginny looked at him and gave him a little half smile that melted his heart just a little more. "Are you still buying my dinner?" she asked._

 _"_ _Do you still want to go, after finding out I watched you at night?" he asked, very surprised. He figured she'd chuck him out of the room and ask him never to return._

 _"_ _I still do," she said. "As much as it should bother me – and I know it should … I just …" she looked away before she could finish. "For some reason, you knowing is a comfort. Does that make sense?"_

 _"_ _None," he admitted._

 _She shook her head. "Not to me, either. I need to change clothes. Can I meet you upstairs in the Tea Room in about thirty minutes?"_

 _"_ _Of course," he said, standing now too and –_

 _-_ walked into my office and firmly shut the door behind me, setting a few wards to keep my co-workers from knowing I was there. I wrote a note for Kreacher and put it in the chute to the owlery, telling him I was going out with some friends from school and that I might spend the night with them if it was late enough. I hated lying to him, but I couldn't tell him the truth either.

I stripped my robes off, as well as my veil, enjoying the sensation of air and light on my skin. Red faced, I removed my bra and knickers as well, folding everything in a neat pile on my desk that I cast a Cleansing charm over. I opened the packages from T&T's and slid on the tiny piece of lace that would serve as my underwear. It felt like I wore nothing, and indeed when I caught my reflection in the tiny mirror on my wall, I still looked as naked as I had before putting them on. My arse was bare, save for the tiniest piece of lace that met the band at the top. I shivered as I found the dress, the lovely green dress, and slid the cool silk over my head, zipping up the skirt with a hidden zip on the side. I'd known that I wouldn't be able to wear a bra from the low neck in the front – I hadn't dreamed that the back was just as low, ending just above where my knickers sat.

I opened a bag from Madam Primpernelle's, where I'd briefly stopped on the way to work, and brushed out my hair with the brush I'd bought there and applied a couple of the very few cosmetics she sold – just a little mascara and lip gloss in a deep, bold shade of red. Then, blushing, I opened the note that contained a spell for hair removal, and with a shy voice I grabbed my wand and said, "Folliculus Divesto." I touched my legs and felt the smoothest skin I'd ever felt on myself. I didn't need to check under my knickers to know the hair there was gone too as I suddenly became aware of being completely bare.

I blushed and wondered if it would make a difference.

I put on my shoes – a perfect fit, and so pretty on my feet – before pulling out the heavy cloak and wrapping in around me. No one would know what was underneath until it was removed. And it was so warm I didn't regret the hundred galleons I'd spent on it at all. I took it off again and quickly gazed at myself in the small glass on the wall. I felt pretty, and I realized I rather looked pretty too in this. It was sad I didn't wear more green, outside of my work robes.

I shrunk the bag containing my work clothes and placed them in my purse. Taking a deep breath, I hoped I was –

- _ready by now. Maybe she had decided to forget the whole affair after all. He probably would have, in her shoes. Standing up, he started to leave the room when she walked in, looking very refined in a grey traveling cloak. Her hair was down around her shoulders, almost to the middle of her back, and shone with deep red lights._

 _"_ _You changed too," she said, smiling as she pointed to the scarf around his neck._

 _"_ _Just a few things, to fit in with the Muggles better," he said, laughing with the relief of her presence. "Can we Apparate from here?"_

 _When she nodded, he grabbed one of her gloved hands, and they popped out of sight._


	13. A Discarded Dinner

_A/N: A special thanks to my very lovely, beautiful, kind, amazingly perfect muse, **NinaSays** , for making sure my French wasn't a complete embarrassment. _

* * *

When I opened my eyes, we were standing in front of a restaurant, though where we were I couldn't pinpoint, especially as my eyes adjusted to the brighter light of the new location.

I rarely moved about in Muggle London, save for the times I went out shopping with Hermione and the trips to and from King's Cross station when I was still a student at Hogwarts. I looked up as Severus, still holding his hand, and squeezed it gently. He looked a little dazed as though he'd forgotten I was there, though as soon as my hand squeezed his a little more tightly, he squeezed back and looked down at me with a sly half smile that made my knees weak and my pulse race.

"Where are we?" I asked.

"Paris," he said, pointing behind me.

I turned around and gasped, seeing the Eiffel Tower in the distance.

"But you must be exhausted, Apparating both of us across countries," I said, shaking my head at him in wonder.

He smirked as he leaned very close to my ear when he said, "You'll find me to be quite … invigorated by the trip."

I shivered as his hot breath touched my ear, then almost groaned when he pulled away to look at me again. The sun was still out, glowing red and orange as it set beyond the buildings around us. It provided little warmth – I knew my nose was getting cold and probably looked horrid and –

- _red, not like chestnuts though as he'd originally thought. It was brighter than that, brighter than anything he had ever seen, and glowed just like her eyes did as she looked up at him after he finished speaking to her._

 _"_ _Come," Severus said. They walked together to the door of the eatery, hand in hand, and were greeted at the door by a pink cheeked older man who smiled at him with recognition._

 _"_ _Bonsoir Monsieur Fitzpatrick. Comment allez-vous?"_

 _"_ _Bonsoir, Henri. Je vais bien merci," he replied. Ginny looked up at him and squeezed his hand again, smiling as he spoke._

 _"_ _Et qui est la belle fille avec vous?" Henri asked as he walked them to a booth in the back._

 _"_ _Mon … amie," he said, unsure of what to call Ginny, other than his friend._

 _"_ _Oh? 'Mon amie?' Ne la laisse pas sortir, Monsieur Fitzpatrick," Henri said, winking a little as he moved to another table._

 _Ginny stared at him for a minute as he removed his cloak before breaking into a wide grin. "I should have known you spoke French. I just never expected … I mean – what I mean to say is," she stammered as she blushed and busily removed her gloves._

 _"_ _Say it, Ginny." He motioned for her to turn so he could remove her cloak. When the grey material left her back, exposing the creamy white skin there and her exposed shoulders, he fairly nearly –_

 _-_ lost the ability to breath when he finally removed my cloak and was able to see my provocative dress. There was a long stretch of silence where he didn't speak, and honestly where I wasn't sure if he was breathing, before I turned around to face him, showing off the low cut front which dipped down so low I was sure he could see my –

\- _gods. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think. He'd seen her nude, through the window, and felt like a perverted vagrant._

 _But now she was here before him, she was real, and she'd worn a dress that barely covered her body, just for him. Ginny was even more beautiful now, in emerald green silk that accentuated her pale skin and red hair, than he'd ever noticed her to be. Gods …_

 _The desire to breathe finally hit him hard, and the breath he inhaled was shaky – much more so than he wanted to be known. She noticed – she noticed everything, didn't she? – and smiled shyly as she inhaled a shaky breath as well._

 _Severus watched her as she sat, and noticed the deep cut up the side of the skirt that almost reached her waist. When she crossed her legs, he wanted to sink to his knees and kiss the soft white flesh of her exposed thigh until he met the folds of her cleft. His cock twitched when he wondered if she'd worn any knickers, secretly hoping she had not._

 _Sliding in a little and patting the spot next to her, she looked up at him through her lashes and asked, "Sit by me?"_

 _He nodded dumbly and sat down, sliding next to her just a little too closely so that their thighs just barely touched._

 _"_ _You're warm," she said, snuggling next to him just slightly more so that their arms grazed each other. He felt her shiver a little as her eyes dilated slightly._

 _"_ _You're cold," he said and touched her arm gently with the backs of his hand, loving the way that gooseflesh rose on her skin in response to his touch._

 _She shook her head and whispered, "It's not from being cold, 'Michael'."_

 _"_ _I know," he said. He was so aroused by her shallow breaths, and by the way she said his assumed name, that his chest ached a little when he bent his head to hers, his eyes so focused on her deeply red shaded lips that he didn't –_

 _-_ notice you sitting there, Master Fitzpatrick! Are you finally back in Paris for good?"

I wanted to groan out my frustration. His lips had been so close to mine that I could smell the sweet mint on his breath, which had been close enough to warm my skin.

Severus looked up sharply at the young man who and scowled. "Christophe. To what do I owe this interruption?"

I could have giggled. He looked and sounded very much like the man I remembered from school now that I felt like I'd used a time turner and gone back to my Fourth Year potions class. Cautiously, I placed a hand on his thigh, low and close to the knee. I felt the muscle there tense slightly before his leg shifted, causing my hand to slide up further on his leg. I bit my lip as I squeezed it and continued to watch the exchange.

Christophe blushed down to the roots of his very fair hair and replied in heavily accented English. "Sorry, sir. I just saw you in here and wanted to say hello. I got a job at the Assemblée Magique after you left, brewing with your incumbent. He is not nearly as skilled as you, but Master Renaud is a good man to work for, I think."

Severus sighed and smiled slightly. "I am proud of you, Christophe. You are a talented brewer and were a very good Apprentice."

"Merci, Monsieur. Mademoiselle," he said, nodding his head at me before he left us.

"He seemed nice," I said, watching Christophe touch the arm of a dark haired woman, who followed him out of the door and into the cold night.

"My Apprentice while I worked at St. Charmaine's," Severus said with a shrug as he pulled a pack of fags from his pocket. I looked at the label and saw they were the same brand of clove cigarettes I liked to smoke occasionally as well. He lit one and looked at me thoughtfully as he exhaled the sweet smelling smoke.

"May I have one?" I asked hopefully.

He smirked and gave me the one he just lit. The end was still warm from the tips of his fingers. I put it to my lips and could taste the mint I smelled on his breath before I inhaled.

"I didn't know you smoked," he said as he lit another one for himself.

"Just occasionally," I said. I traced some small circles on his thigh with my fingertips as he stared at me, his black eyes getting heavy as I pressed the circles in harder.

The waiter came to our table, and I deferred to Severus to order our food, though I did ask him to order me a glass of red wine to help ease my nerves a little. As suave as I was trying to be, my mind was racing and my heart … it felt like it was about to pulse right out of my chest. I caught him looking at my chest and throat after the waiter returned with our drinks – a glass of whiskey for him - and grinned as I set down my fag to take a sip of the intensely flavored wine.

"See something you like?" I asked, squeezing his leg again and taking another drag from the cigarette in my hand.

"Yes," he replied, his voice barely above a whisper as he took a drink of the dark, amber colored liquid in his glass.

I felt my skin flush, perhaps from the wine, but also in response to his eyes as he continued to stare without embarrassment at my body. I shifted a little letting him –

- _see the naked curve of her breast where the fabric of the silk just opened slightly. If they weren't in his favorite restaurant he probably would have reached in into her bodice and cupped it with his hand to see if they were as heavy and full as they appeared to be._

 _Ginny's hand squeezed his leg again as her bright eyes sparkled with lust. Severus almost couldn't believe that she wanted him as much as he did her. What was it about this connection of theirs that had changed things so fast for them? He decided to stop asking questions, and shifted his leg again, and this time her hand centimeter away from his hardening cock. She looked at him and raised an eyebrow, as though accepting a dare, as she moved her hand the rest of the way and squeezed him through his trousers. The stiffening from before suddenly changed into a full erection._

 _"_ _Pour la fille et pour vous. Bon appetit," Henri said, setting down a bowl of soup in front of each of us and leaving a loaf of steaming hot, crusty bread between us._

 _"_ _Merci," Severus replied, never taking his eyes off of Ginny's face. When she tried to move her hand away he shook his head, and it returned, giving him more of her firm touches._

 _"_ _What did you order us?" she asked, snuffing out her fag and taking a sip of the soup a little clumsily as her dominant hand was otherwise occupied._

 _"_ _Just the soup, if that's okay?" he asked, hoping she would understand that he hadn't wanted them to be so full they couldn't enjoy other activities, later._

 _She bit her lip and squeezed her hand again, nodding with a shy smile. "I think soup is a perfect meal."_

 _"_ _Good." He abandoned his fag, too, and sipped his soup. He'd ordered them his favorite, potato and leak._

 _Ginny moved her hand away again, making him fight back a moan of protest over its absence. He moved his free hand to hers with the intention of grabbing her wrist and showing her that he wanted her touch, badly. But then she slid her hand in his, and the electricity of feeling –_

 _-_ all of that delicious heat licking my body warmed me to my very core.

"Kiss me now?" I asked, leaning closer to him.

He nodded slowly and slid his lips over mine, just barely brushing our lips together. It was so good, so perfect to feel those thin, yet surprisingly soft lips on mine, increasing the pressure slightly as he leaned into me. His hand slipped out of mine. I immediately missed the heat, but waves of heat even stronger than before swept my thoughts away when he cupped my face in both hands, tilting it slightly to find the right angle to deepen the kiss. His tongue slid over my lower lip, which he sucked and nipped on lightly before I opened my mouth, letting his tongue meet mine. He tasted of mint and cloves, of soup in front of us, and of the round and strong flavor of whiskey, I leaned into him, into the heat of his chest and brought my hands to his wrists, never wanting to let go when I felt him shudder slightly against me.

"I want you so much I'm tempted to take you right here," he said with a low, rasping voice that made my tiny knickers even more wet with desire.

"I don't know if I'd have the strength to stop you," I gasped into his ear, hanging on to his wrists for tightly. I rubbed my breasts against his chest and felt his breath catch. He kissed me again before pulling away completely, leaving me cold, but ready for more of whatever he had to give me. He took some money from his pocket and left it on the table and stood a little awkwardly as he pulled on his cloak, holding mine out me to slip into as I stood and let him slip the warm wool on my shoulders.

"Bonne nuit, Michael," Henri knowingly called after us as we quickly left.

Once we were outside, he pulled me into the alley next to the restaurant and pushed me against the cold brick wall. I shivered until his bare hands were on me again, sliding into my cloak and into the neckline of my dress.

"Oh gods," I whispered. I was burning up, my insides scorching as he kissed me and touched my breast. My nipples were hardening in response to the cold air that streamed into my cloak. Both hands were on me, thumbs rubbing the hard buds as his lips kissed my mouth again, his tongue searching, seeking for mine which gladly gave him. He pressed his body against mine, and I felt the long, hard erection I'd touched earlier brand my skin low on my belly.

"My place?" he whispered, kissing my ear before he sucked the lobe into his warm mouth.

I nodded vigorously, and for the second time that night we softly popped out of sight.


	14. Heat

When I opened my eyes again, I saw only his face in the dark light of the room we were in. His eyes were so intensely black that they burned straight through me, as though he could see right into my very soul. Then his mouth was on mine again, his hands on my cheeks, in my hair, around my neck. I had to close my eyes again so that I could stand the dizzying heat that spread over every surface on my body, and that now began to burn from within as he removed my cloak and rubbed his hands over every unclothed surface he could reach.

I had to touch him too – I was desperate for every inch of his hot, hard flesh to press against mine. I brought my hands to the restraining buttons that lined his chest and tried to work them free, but my hands were shaking so hard now from the sensation of his tongue and teeth sucking on my neck that I honestly felt faint. But he held me up as my knees went weak, and then I realized I was being carried in his arms, his lips now in my hair murmuring –

- _so good, she felt so good in his arms, as though she was always meant to be there. When she'd started to swoon, Severus swept her into his arms and carried her out of the entry hall and into the main room of his flat in Paris. He'd kept it, unable to let go of the place that had been his sanctuary while his injuries had healed. It was just as stark as his flat in London, but at least a warm fire could make things appear cozier than they were._

 _Carefully, as though she might break, he sat her down in the soft leather chair in front of the fireplace and waved a hand at the logs in the iron grate, bringing them to life. She opened her eyes and stared at him in wonder as he removed his jacket, though his hands shook with so much need he was afraid he looked like an inexperienced boy. His fingers went to his cravat, then stilled. Perhaps she wouldn't want to see, it was so horrible to see after all – a mood killer if there ever was one._

 _No, she wouldn't want to see … all of him, not now, even if she knew what to expect._

 _He closed his eyes as started to unbutton his shirtsleeves instead. Moments later he started slightly when he felt her hands on his neck, doing the job herself._

 _"_ _You don't have to, Ginny," he said, gently grabbing her wrists. But she only shook her head in confusion as she untied the complicated knots and unwound the cloth. The air on his neck was very cool when it was bared for her to see, yet again. Now, of all times._

 _"_ _You don't have to be ashamed, Severus," she said as she stroked her fingers over the indentions. She smiled so sweetly then that it hit him in the center of his chest, making it ache with a sharp, needling pain._

 _"_ _You aren't repulsed?"_

 _She shook her head and stood on the tips of her toes, and then did something he never thought anyone would ever do. Ginny kissed the base of his scar, the only part of it she could reach. And when she pulled back, she was still smiling up at him as though he were the most handsome man she'd ever –_

 _-_ seen. I wanted to cry, I thought I might when I looked up and saw the expression on his face – a mixture of panic and sadness and shame.

"You saved us by your scars," I said, meaning every word I spoke. The cuffs on his sleeved were undone. Rolling up the left, I stroked the innocent looking lines where his Dark Mark had once burned. "You saved us by this one, too."

He grabbed me, and suddenly I was lost again only to sensation as his lips burned mine. Hot, searching hands found the zip of my dress and in a whisper it was undone, the dress up and over my head. I had no shame at all as I stood in front of him in just a tiny measure of lace and my heels.

"Gods, you are …" He groaned as he brushed a bared nipple with the tip of his fingers, watching it rise to meet them. After swallowing thickly, he asked, "What do you like, Ginny? I'll do anything to please you."

Now I swallowed. I didn't know. Harry never did anything more than kiss my chest and neck before sex, and never had asked what he could do to please me more than that. "I like kisses," I said. It was the only thing I was sure of.

He smiled darkly before he asked, "Where?"

Blushing, I answered, "My neck … breasts …"

"Where else?"

I bit my lip and frowned, not wanting to admit the truth.

"What about here?" he asked, placing a hand on my abdomen.

"Perhaps," I said shyly.

"And here?" he murmured, touching my upper back.

I nodded nervously.

When he slipped his hand inside my tiny knickers, my whole body lit on fire. "Here?" he asked boldly as he stroked.

"I –" I swallowed and groaned as his hand grazed over me with the gentlest of caresses. "Severus, you don't have to, really."

"Why not?" he asked, his touch becoming a little firmer.

"It's … oh, gods," I sighed as his fingers stroked my clit. I closed my eyes and gave into the sensation of pleasure. It had been so long since fingers other than my own had done it that I'd almost forgotten how good it felt.

The backs of my legs brushed up against the chair again, and before I knew it I was sitting on it, the leather was cool and hot all at the same time as he kneeled before me and removed my heels. His hands ran up from my feet to my knees, then slowly inched up my thighs, so slowly I became impatient with anticipation. When they reached my knickers, he took the lace in his hands and slid them slowly down my legs before putting them in the pocket of his trousers. I blushed deeply as he spread my thighs and licked his lips.

"Here?" he asked again, touching me again, so lightly that I longed for more, but …

"You … only the wrong sort of girl likes that," I said, looking into the fire as the words flew out of my mouth.

He looked at my quizzically and raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

I nodded.

"Did _he_ tell you that?" he asked, his voice dangerously soft and low as he stood and grabbed his wand, making the fire even hotter than before.

"Yes."

He narrowed his eyes and leaned down, his lips almost touching my ear when he whispered, "Only a fool would make you think that any part of your body shouldn't be pleasured."

Then everything shifted as he knelt again and put my legs over his shoulders, his mouth leaving wet trails of kisses up each thigh before he kissed me _there_ , as though he was merely pecking my lips. The next kiss was longer, and I felt his tongue lick my slit lightly before it was gone, and he moved on to the crease of skin where thigh and pussy met. He sucked the skin there, making me moan and arch my back and pelvis against him.

"Are you the wrong sort of girl?" he asked between kisses as he marked a path from one side to the other.

"No," I whispered.

"And do you like this?"

My heart skipped a beat as his mouth moved back to my cleft and kissed it again, this time sucking slightly before moving away.

"Yes!" I gasped. I ran my hands through the silk of his dark hair, looking down at him as he looked back up at me.

"And would you like me to continue?" he asked lazily, even though his eyes were bright with –

- _lust. The way she looked at him when he licked her made him want to fuck her over the back of the chair without the worry of preliminaries. He ground his teeth and willed his cock to behave. Ginny was going to enjoy this, and his name would be the only one on her lips when she came._

 _"_ _Yes!" she cried, almost screaming the word as she pushed his head back to her center. He kept his eyes fixed on hers and smiled to himself as he lowered his lips back to her smooth, silken folds and sucked again, this time taking some of the skin there in his mouth just as he had when he kissed the lips of her mouth, nipping them in just the same way. She arched her back again, unconsciously rocking her hips against him in the oldest dance of seduction._

 _Severus continued to lick every inch of her pussy, listening to her moans and sighs as intently as he listened to the symphony on the wireless. Each gasp of breath, each moment when her breath stilled was a clue to her pleasure, and ever the scholar, he wanted to learn exactly what she liked and how to pleasure her. He wanted it to be just as good as it had been in his most torrid of –_

 _-_ dreams about being treated like this. I knew that, I knew what Harry had told me had been lies that I'd been willing to believe for the sake of pleasing him. The reality of my life with in Grimmauld Place became more and more clear with every look Severus gave me, little glances to see if I liked what he was doing as well as making sure he wasn't hurting me.

"More?" he whispered, looking up at me once again.

I nodded and sighed as a single finger slid into my pussy. It happened easily, and I felt I should almost be embarrassed by how wet I was. His lips glistened obscenely with the evidence of my pleasure every time he glanced up to watch me. I would have blushed, but then the finger started to stroke and I no longer cared about anything other than his hand against me, and the mouth that latched itself onto my clit and started to suck and lick in time with his strokes.

Then I was only aware of sensation and of pleasure. It grew in incremental amounts, pulsing within me with each stroke. When a second finger joined the first and started to press and stretch my tight muscles, I thought I would weep – though not with pain. It was the delicious feeling I used to get before playing Quidditch when I'd warm up by doing laps around the pitch on my old Cleansweep. This was a readying, wanted preamble of the activities to come.

My ears were finely attuned to the broken, heavy pants that came from my mouth and Severus's slow, steady breaths that I also felt on my bare mound. My heart thudded in my ears, but the beats were pounding too fast for me to make any sense of them.

The pleasure burning throughout me was intense and more powerful that anything I'd ever felt before. I knew that if I came – when I came – any other orgasm that I'd had would feel like a mere hiccup in comparison.

I reached for him, blindly. Though my eyes were open the only thing I could focus on were the hot black eyes that gazed at me from below my hips. His free hand grabbed mine and squeezed before his fingers entwined with mine. For some reason that act of simple intimacy broke all the barriers and sunk every ounce of control I had.

I came, screaming his name as tears ran down my face.


	15. Life

_Ginny was so beautiful, even more beautiful now than ever after coming down from such an intense high._

 _Her hair, shining brazenly red in the light of the fire tumbled over her shoulders in loose, long strands that just touched the crests of her breasts. Skin that had previously gleamed like alabaster and ivory was now flushed a lovely color of rose from her chest up to the top of her head and glowed with the after effects of the most powerful orgasm he'd ever seen a lover in his arms experience._

 _They'd find out later, when the urgent desire had finally abated, that the mirror above the fireplace cracked into two pieces. At what point during the night that it occurred they'd never be completely sure of, but Severus secretly thought it was the moment she screamed his name and shook so intensely that the chair moved six inches back._

 _She almost looked embarrassed when she came back to herself, after long moments of his gentle caresses on her thighs and stomach. Her eyes fluttered open, and she looked around for a minute as though she couldn't quite remember where she was until she focused on him again and smiled, just before the embarrassment and unease started to spread across her face._

 _"Don't," he whispered. "There's nothing wrong with what you experienced."_

 _"I know," she said with a little sigh. "It's just been a long time."_

 _"I know," he said, still stroking her inner thigh. He kissed her clit one more time, making her shiver, then kissed his way back up to her mouth, which was red now from much more than just the application of her lipstick. His tongue was already touching hers before he realized he hadn't wiped his mouth. He pulled back and ask, "Do you want me to … clean up?"_

 _"No," she replied. Her lovely skin flushed deeper when she asked, "Would you make me 'clean up' if I returned the favor?"_

 _"No."_

 _"Then don't even think about not kissing me, Severus," she murmured as she pulled his head back to hers and pressed her lips against his._

 _He obliged her wishes quite happily, moving his hands to her breasts as he deepened the kiss more, groaning into her mouth as her hands slid down his chest to settle back to his cock, stroking him through his trousers. Deftly, her hands went to his zip and pulled it down with care. When her hands slipped into his boxers and touched him, every nerve ending in his body sparked to life, with life. He opened his eyes and saw with the world with eyes that saw real color again. Everything was crisp and clear as he broke the kiss to stare at her face, finally appreciating the auburn flecks of color across her nose and skin, the copper and bronze glints in her eyes, and the deeply burnished hue of her richly colored hair._

 _"Do you want me to suck you for a while first?" she asked, already trying to move down to her knees in front of him._

 _He shook his head, not thinking he could bear it if Ginny did something she disliked so much just because she thought he wanted it. "Not just yet," he said. "Right now I want to be buried so deeply inside you that it's going to take all weekend to satisfy me."_

 _"That long?" she said, looking at him from under her lashes and raising an eyebrow._

 _"It may take longer," he confessed._

 _Ginny smiled with genuine pleasure as he helped her to her feet and walked with her into his bedroom. His bed here in his Parisian flat was unnecessarily large just like the one in London, a king when really a single would have sufficed over these lonely years, if not for the dreams. At least this bed was still made up with the sheets and duvet he'd preferred when he'd gone through the long process of physical healing. The sheets were made of the softest cotton he could find and were black so that during the frequent times that his wounds had reopened, his blood wouldn't leave stains. The duvet was just as soft, and thick with heavy down that gave him much needed warmth when he'd been so chilled with fever and infection that he thought he'd never be warm again._

 _But there was no color in this room at all - no life, save for the bright woman in front of him who made him think there may be something in this world for him after all._

 _A flick of his wand, and a fire burst in the fireplace in this room as well. Ginny sat on the bed as he finished undressing until nothing was left but his boxers. His body was nothing to be proud of, his neck notwithstanding, not like hers that begged for a man's touch. He was still too thin, too many bones in his ribs showed, and his back and chest were riddled with silvery curse and hex marks from too many years of being a Death Eater. Underneath them all were the pale pink and red scars from the beatings of his childhood and youth._

 _"Come here," she whispered breathily, and Severus hesitantly obeyed, breathing heavily as he contemplated putting out the fire so that she wouldn't be able to get too good look at his beaten body. Surely, if anything this would finally make her change her mind - finally seeing that his body wasn't made for sin as hers was. His body was the display of a multitude of sins cast against it._

 _Ginny's lips on his chest were a complete surprise that Severus wasn't ready for – he must have closed his eyes at some point with his shame when she moved to look at him more closely. Her mouth was cool and sweet, like Soothing Balm, except that wherever her lips moved, his skin tingled. He opened his eyes and watched her as she kissed her way down his chest, around his side and to his back where the worst of his battle scars were laid bare for her to see. The sound of her quickly inhaled breath let him know what he had been afraid of – that she was finally done in by his ugliness._

 _"So much hurt, Severus. Will the pain ever end?" she whispered brokenly before she kissed his back over the place where a hot iron, welded by his father, had forever damaged his skin. Her arms wrapped around him like pale silken snakes as she kissed every single scar on his back. By the time she was done he was trembling, and felt as though he was on the verge of tears. She took her hand in his, making the feeling of being fully alive run his body once again as she led him to his own bed and removed his boxers, casting them aside with the rest of his clothes._

 _"Why don't you care about all this?" he asked, motioning to his neck and to the rest of his body._

 _"Why should I care about it?" she asked as she kissed him and grabbed his cock, making him_ –

\- weep at the sight of his abused body. He was so brave, so much braver than any of us ever could have been or ever would be.

His face relaxed as I continued to kiss his lips and stroke his shaft, which was now even harder than he had been before. I was ready – at least I hoped I was.

"I probably need some –"

"You don't need it," Severus said, murmuring the words against my lips. "I have something that we can use if you do, but trust me Ginny, you won't."

I decided to trust him. How could I not when he'd already been so gentle with me?

He climbed into the bed and moved up to the headboard, sitting on his knees and resting his back against the dark wood. Holding his hand out to me, he motioned for me to join him.

"Let's take it slow," he said when I took his hand. He demonstrated what he wanted me to do – basically ride him while he rocked beneath me. It would be gentle, and I would be in control of the speed and depth of his thrusts. I nervously straddled his lap and placed my arms around his neck and shoulders, and together we guided him against me, letting him slowly sink into my core.

"Ohhh!" I moaned as the thick flesh stretched my cunt before it filled me completely. He was larger than Harry, and so much larger than his own fingers. But whatever he'd done beforehand had indeed helped. While it wasn't completely comfortable at the start, and even though I knew I would be sore in the morning, it didn't hurt. In fact, it felt completely right … completely …

I was so hot, like I had been lit on fire like a Dark Witch fighting in the Goblin Wars, and sweet Morgana I wanted to burn.

And he hadn't even moved yet.

He was staring at me, dazed, eyes glassy as though he'd been _-_

 _\- confronted with the reality that this witch made him feel … what? He'd never be the same after this – when she left him he'd always long for this moment when he felt as though he'd never done a wrong in his life, as though he were as pure and good as she was._

 _And then he finally began to move, he had to move, though he didn't thrust as much as he rocked against and into her slick flesh. The friction …_

 _Fire …_

 _Heat …_

 _Life …-_

 _-_ … burning … oh gods _…_

 _\- so, oh fuck so good so good so good_ –

\- so good, oh he felt so good he felt so _-_

\- _wet, hot, tight_ –

\- fuck! How could he do that with his – oh gods how could he do that with _–_

 _-_ _his cock stroked the patch of rigid flesh, he'd remembered where it was, if only he could keep his … wits … how could she squeeze him so –_

\- hard, so hard, so full … so complete in his arms. What did that mean … harder, oh he was rocking against my just where _–_

 _\- she came apart in his arms, shuddering and crying out, "Oh Severus, oh my gods, you're the only one who ever made me feel like this, oh please don't ever stop …_ -

\- rocking inside me, making me come again, I can't do that can I, but … oh gods! … I can't _–_

 _\- stop, he couldn't stop now and he let himself fly with her this time. He saw stars behind his eyes as he shook and spilled himself inside her, making her really and truly_ –

\- his … so warm, everything was warm. His hot, sweaty chest pressed against my own … the arms wrapped around me that held me close to him. So warm, so –

 _\- alive in this very moment, more alive than he'd felt since … He swallowed when he realized he was more alive than he'd ever felt in his life. Thanks to her, and whatever this connection between them was._

 _Ginny was completely limp in his arms. He gently lifted her off away from him and felt very alone when he slipped out of her body. Laying her down on the bed, he sighed softly as he saw that sleep was already claiming her as she hummed gently and closed her eyes. He grabbed his wand from the bedside table and cast a Cleansing charm over them both before laying down next to her. Immediately, even in sleep, she moved into his arms and snuggled her body against his, murmuring unintelligible words before she stilled again. Pulling the duvet around them, he cast out the light and closed his eyes, letting sleep take him as well._

* * *

 _A/N: just an FYI - thanks to the suggestion of my lovely and shy muse, I've changed the type in the story for each POV (corrected the first chapters as well). Severus will always be in italics, Ginny plain, and Harry in bold, unless noted to be a newspaper article or a note or something like that. Thank you, NinaSays, for being spot on as usual._


	16. Awakening Desire

"What are you doing?"

Percy was sitting on the floor beside of suit of armor, looking wearier than I could remember him being, even when he was Head Boy and sitting up at all hours of the night to study. I'd heard about the explosion in the corridor – and heard it from where I was in one of the lower court yards. Dusty soot had fallen on us almost like now from above. Percy must have been close to it when it happened as well; his robes were covered in a fine layer of the stuff.

He looked over his shoulder at me. I could see that his blue eyes, so much like Dad's, were blood shot and very swollen. It worried me for a minute, but I let the worry go when I thought of how my eyes must look with all the smoke and dust - and death - that was about us.

The bottom half of his face was in shadow, making him look as though he were a highwayman masked in black. When I moved slightly to the right, shifting my weight from one foot to the other, it let a stream of diffuse light fall on his face. It was then that I saw how grimy his face was – he must have been right next to the explosion indeed. I looked closer and saw streaks of his pale skin on his cheeks running through the soot. He had been crying, very recently. After he sniffled and wiped his nose on the sleeve of his robes, I realized he still was.

"Percy, what's wrong?" I moved closer still to get a better look at him, but his body moved in time with me, as though he were hiding something.

"Go find Dad, Ginny. We need him," he said, his last words coming out thickly, almost in a moan.

"But … who's with you?" I asked. I inched closer to him, so slowly I was hoping he wouldn't notice that I was doing it. For a minute I thought perhaps Penelope had come to the castle to fight and was injured, with Percy now at her side. "Do they need help? I can go get Madam Pomphrey."

"It's … Ginny, just go get Dad and Bill. _Please,"_ he said. The last word came out as a sob.

"Percy?" I was trembling now. I knew I should do as he asked for once, but I found I could not. Instead, the trembling in my hands turned into jerking shakes when I was finally close enough to look over his shoulder. In the half light, I could see Fred's peaceful face, just barely smiling as though he was having a happy dream he was about to awaken from.

" _Ginny!"_ Percy cried, shielding Fred from my dimming sight.

I was on the ground. When had that happened? I heard hysterical sobs, and wondered where they came from … then suddenly I realized they were coming from my own throat. Strong arms were around me, picking me up and carrying me … somewhere. I tried to make my eyes open, but they were too heavy. I could only manage to open them into tiny slits. Bill's scarred face came into focus for just a second before everything became fuzzy again.

"Dad, Percy … Great Hall … find George …"

The words just barely came to me. I heard without understanding most of what Bill said. The only thing I cared about was the warmth of his chest and arms. I was so cold my teeth were chattering.

"Pomphrey … shock … Pepper-up …"

Someone helped me take a slug of piping hot potion into my mouth. I tried to spit it out, gagging on it, but every time I tried a little more was forced in until I swallowed the horrible liquid and felt steam trickle out of my ears. I opened my eyes and realized that we were in the Great Hall with the rest of the injured. Bill was still holding me, and Fleur was at my side too, holding my hand in one of hers and a bottle of Pepperup Potion in her other.

"Sis?" Bill whispered, his voice hoarse. I looked up and saw he had been crying too.

"Ginny?" Fleur was speaking this time, and when I glanced at her I saw her eyes were filled with unshed tears. "There are no words, ma soeur. I am so sorry."

But words no longer mattered, not when the one word I wanted to speak would now fall on deaf … dead … _oh Gods …_

"Fred!" I screamed, the word echoing around what was left of the Hall around –

-me. His body was warm and comforting as I woke from the dream, and I realized that the hands wiping the tears from my face were not my own per the usual. Severus's long, tapered fingers were tenderly caressing my face and cheeks as I wept.

When the worst was over, I opened my eyes. His face was next to mine on the pillow, gazing at me with concern and worry etched into the harsh lines of his angular features. I wondered vaguely how long he'd been awake, watching me dream. Then I realized I didn't care, and I furrowed myself into the warmth of his chest. His arms circled around me, and wordlessly he held me until all my tears were finally gone, and I was only left with that dreadful feeling of calm that comes after a good, hard cry.

"Bad dreams?" he asked after clearing his throat. His voice was very soft, even in the silence of the muffled room.

"Bad memories," I replied, resting my cheek against his chest.

He sighed and squeezed me tightly against him. "There's no difference sometimes, is there?"

I shook my head, grateful to be with him tonight. The dreams of Fred were the hardest to wake from after they were finally over. The last time I'd had one I shook Harry for ten minutes, begging for him to awaken from his drugged sleep. I finally gave up and cried myself back into a fitful sleep, alone on my side of our shared bed. To have arms around me, and a man who seemed to understand was … I had to admit that it was really nice change. Welcome. A relief.

His hands were flush on my bare skin, and I realized I didn't burn uncontrollably as I did before, though something did seem to continue to pass between us as he rubbed his hands against my back. I pressed my own hands against his bare chest, wondering if it felt different for him too.

"It's … not as intense," he said, as though he could read my thoughts.

Then I realized he could, if he wanted to. In spite of his warmth, I started to shiver against him.

"It's not like that anymore, Ginny," he said as he drew the blankets around us. "I will probably always be able to read the emotions in a room at any given time, but I won't practice Legilimency on another person again without their permission."

"Can you read my emotions so easily?" I asked.

"You aren't trained in Occulomency. Unfortunately, with that being the case, your emotions aren't hidden away in the recesses of your mind. So, yes, I can read them" he answered very carefully.

"Would you teach me sometime?" I asked.

He pulled away from me slightly, tipping my head up so that my eyes met his, just discernable in the low light of the room. "Would you trust me enough, to teach you?"

"I would," I said immediately, not questioning my –

- _response he had expected. The only other person Severus had even attempted to teach was_ him _, and that turned out to be a horrible failure on all counts._

 _"_ _Why?" he asked, unable to comprehend the amount of trust she had in him. No one ever had, not even Lily, when all was said and done._

 _"_ _I can't explain it," Ginny said, giving her head a quick shake before she rested her head against his chest again. "I just – I just do. Is that a bad thing?"_

 _"_ _Perhaps," he mused, laughing lightly. She was calm again, and her voice had that gentleness once more that made him feel very at ease. "Are you okay now? Dreams all put to bed?"_

 _"_ _For now," she whispered. She pressed a few kisses against his chest before placing her smooth cheek against it once more. "Thank you, for this. Harry takes the Auror's sleep Potion at night, so I usually have to deal with my dreams alone."_

 _Severus mentally cursed himself. Leave it to one of his creations, intended to do good, to harm someone else. He made a mental note to rework the potion next week so that the user would awaken more easily from the deepest slumbers._

 _"_ _I'm glad I could be here for you," he said, stroking her hair idly as her hand traced circles through the little amount of hair he had on his chest. "Will you sleep?"_

 _"_ _I think I find myself a little too awake to sleep, Severus," she whispered. The hand that had been touching his chest was now slowly wandering down to his groin. It encircled his cock, stroking him lazily before the grip tightened, making blood rush into it immediately. She sighed happily when he groaned out his pleasure with her touch. "May I suck you now?"_

 ** _"_** _You know you don't have to if you don't enjoy it," he said, even though he thought he would perish if he didn't feel her mouth on him just once._

 _She giggled a little, making her breasts bounce against his chest and in turn making him harder and more aware that she was just as aroused as he was. Her nipples were now hard points that drug along his skin deliciously. "I like it. I never didn't like it – what I don't like is expectation without … " she trailed off as if she didn't know how to finish, though he understood her completely._

 _"_ _Expectation of the action as though it's a duty or right rather … than your … desire …" he said, the last words coming out in pants as she lightly pushed him down against the bed and started to kiss her way down to where her hands were working him over._

 _When she started to lick and suck his shaft, he closed his eyes briefly, seeing bright stars in his vision, before he opened them again so that he could watch her. The light in the room was indeed dim, but it was just enough for him to see her red, swollen lips smile just before she took the head of his cock into her mouth. Unable to help himself, Severus whimpered a little. Her skill at this was evident; she seemed to listen to every moan and appreciate every twitch, and then plan her actions accordingly. But it was the fact that she really did appear to be enjoying herself – eyes sparkling merrily and her lips turned up in a smile, even with her mouth full of his flesh – that made pleasure surge through him. He bucked his hips helplessly and ran his hands through her hair, needing something of her to hold onto since her hands were now both occupied with pleasuring him._

 _He wondering idly how on earth he'd gotten this –_

 _-_ lucky, to be with a man who actually seemed to appreciate and enjoy what I did. It wasn't as though Harry didn't – for he surely came every time we were together – but the real passion and intimacy was gone from that part of our relationship and has been since …

I swirled my tongue around him, trying to focus my attention to the head as this is what made his fingers curl tighter in my hair and made his breaths quicken. He was getting close. I could taste the salty, almost metallic, flavor on my tongue as I worked him faster, spurred on by his hands that were now encouraging my movements, not by holding me down on his cock, but by eagerly showing me what he liked. I took his lead and bobbed my head quicker, sucking harder and faster until I felt his tapping me gently, his voice saying my name with a warning. But I kept moving, unable to stop until he swelled in my mouth and pulsed hard on the back of my –

- _Gods, that was …_

 _Severus shook his head, trying to clear the cobwebs that had gathered after a particularly powerful orgasm. When he was able to open his eyes again, he saw Ginny gently kiss his still twitching cock as she discreetly swallowed. Her lips followed the same trail as before back up his chest until she was back in his arms once more._

 _"_ _Thank you," he said, still panting as he tilted her head up once more so that he could lean down to kiss her. When she opened her mouth against his demanding lips, he tasted himself on her tongue._

 _"_ _I think I could sleep again," she whispered, when they parted some moments later._

 _"_ _And I as well, my –"_

 _He swallowed, unsure of what he had been about to say and not wanting to find out just yet._

 _"_ _Goodnight, Ginny."_

 _"_ _Night," she murmured, curling against him once more as he fell into an uneasy slumber._


	17. The Gift of Time

_A./N: Those of you who read my stories know I update a little fanatically. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get this chapter up - I had a rather sudden illness that snuffed the words out of my head, and I'm just now getting my bearings back. This chapter is a little short than normal, but never fear - I made a promise to myself long ago that I would never abandon a story, and that I'd share any delays I was having whether due to illness or just being stuck (like I am on "The Holiday"). Thank you all for reading, and a special thanks to those of you who take the time to leave me a little note. More to come, promise and cross my heart._

* * *

When I awoke the next morning, I was alone. Diffuse light was filtering through the window to my right, softened by the very black curtains that covered the windows. I rolled to my left side, away from it, and saw a door that I hoped was a bathroom. Quickly padding across a thick rug, I opened the door and saw that it was indeed the room I needed.

After attending to my immediate needs, I washed my hands and looked in the mirror, blushing when I saw the love bites on my neck and shoulders. I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen one on my body, since Harry seemed to no longer feel the need to kiss anything other than my lips, and even that was rare anymore. The reddish marks from Severus's mouth and teeth stood very bright on my pale skin, a reminder of just how much he had desired me.

I looked around the counter of the sink and saw that there was a toothbrush and tooth powder set out for me, as well as vial of Pain Relieving Potion. I cleaned my teeth, enjoying the sharp bite of the mint, but the Potion I decided to ignore. Though I probably needed it – I was as sore as I thought I would be today and then some – I didn't want to let go of the ache between my legs. It was a delicious reminder of our activities from the previous night. And for some reason, I wanted to be reminded of all the places Severus had been in the height of our passion together.

Deciding a shower was in order, I turned the taps in the small stall until it was nice and hot, then stepped into the hot spray, enjoying the water that pounded on my tired muscles. There was a small bottle of soap on the ledge that smelled like Severus when I opened the lid: sandalwood and cedar. There was a second bottle next to it which I smelled of too, which smelled just like my own from home – raspberries. I washed my hair and body with it, enjoying how well made it was. The soap made my skin and hair feel like silk. It was obvious who made it, the man with a knowledge for potions and compounds with a keen sense of smell.

I was loath the leave the warmth of the stall, but I knew the heat that awaited me beyond the bedroom was even greater than what I was experiencing now. I dried myself with the awaiting towel hanging on a hook next to the shower door and cast a drying charm on my hair, brushing it out until it shone brightly in the candlelight.

The bedroom was still empty when I returned to it, and I pondered if there was anything I could even wear other than my dress from the night before. I hadn't planned very well at all, only thinking of the previous night and its activities, not days that could come after. I hadn't even put a spare pair of knickers or a bra in my bag.

I picked up Severus's discarded shirt and held my breath as I transfigured it into a simple white shirt dress that would be passible, even if it showed off more of my leg than I was used in the mirror one last time, I decided that it was good enough, and opened –

- _the bedroom door, walking outside shyly before she looked around the room and caught his eye before she smiled._

 _He'd been a little nervous about this moment, hoping she wouldn't have regrets and immediately want to leave after just one night. But after seeing her smile and appreciating how sexy she looked wearing just his shirt (though tailored into something that made her legs look a mile long), he finally relaxed._

 _"Good morning," she said as she leaned against the door behind her._

 _"And to you," Severus replied, folding his paper and setting it on the table next to him. He was sitting at the small breakfast table off the tiny kitchenette, having waited for her to get up before he readied the tea and warmed a little breakfast for them both._

 _He pulled out the chair next to him, motioning for her to sit, which she did with an easy grace. The air around her smelled of the soap he made for her, and he resisted the urge to run his fingers through her long auburn tresses and hold the strands to his nose and mouth._

 _"Did you find everything you needed?" he finally asked._

 _"I did," she said, looking a little bashful as she looked down at her dress. "I hope you don't mind. I didn't think to pack anything …" She blushed and looked at her hands in her lap._

 _"You can get some things later today, if you wish. My rooms are above a print shop in L'avenue Magique. There are some clothing shops a block down you can easily go to." He tried to catch her eyes as he said this, as he wanted to convey just how much he wanted her to stay with him. If he played things just right with his office, he could miss at least Monday and Tuesday of the next week, if not longer. It wasn't as though he'd ever taken a day off, even when he worked at Hogwarts. But she continued to stare at her hands, and when she looked up her eyes were surprisingly timid._

 _"Will we be staying long enough for me to need more clothes?" she asked._

 _"That is entirely up to you," Severus answered, hoping beyond hope that she would indeed want to. He'd meant what he'd told her the night before about it probably taking the weekend or longer for him to satisfy his need and desire for her. Even now, after a night in her arms, his pulse raced just at the sight of her, and his cock was steadily rising – especially when he thought of her being bare under her dress as her panties were still in the pocket of his coat._

 _Ginny regarded him for a full minute before her blush deepened. "May I use your floo for a few calls?"_

 _"By all means," he replied, trying not to give a small shout of victory as he watched her stoke the flame before throwing a pinch of powder into the fire, calling first Grimmauld Place, then St. Mungo's. He busied himself instead with boiling water for tea. He lifted the Stasis charm on the pain au chocolat he bought at the bakery a few doors down while Ginny was still asleep, breathing in the warm scent of butter and chocolate that was immediately released._

 _"You are going to save me some?" she asked playfully, looking over her shoulder before putting her head in the fire again. Severus smiled as he prepared the pot of tea, looking up occasionally and watching Ginny as she spoke. The curve of her arse just peaked from under the hem of the shirt, making him want –_

 _-_ to take a few days off, by all means, Ginny. You've been burning the candle at both ends studying for your exam and working. In fact, you can take the whole week if you'd like," Healer Smethwyck said kindly. "We'll manage without you, and I'll wager you'll come back to us better for it."

"Thank you, sir," I said. "I'll see you a week from Monday then."

"A week from Monday," the Healer said, nodding before he walked away from the fire. I pulled my head back, sitting on my heels for a minute as I let my head settled after all the spins and turns from the long Floo connection.

It had been the answer I had suspected they would give me. It wasn't as though I'd ever taken any time off, even when I was genuinely sick. I'd even already told Kreacher on the previous call that I would be staying with 'friends' for the week while Harry was out, and to visit Hogwarts if he liked so that he could catch up with the house-elves he'd made friends with during the War.

Kreacher had looked at me very curiously during the exchange, as though he knew I had a secret, but said nothing – merely nodding his assent before he walked away from the fire. Sometimes I wondered if Kreacher was as lonely as I was in that great house with no visitors.

The smell of chocolate lured me away from my thoughts once again. I looked back at the table and saw Severus glance up sheepishly as he took a large bite of the pastry in his hands.

"I thought I asked you to save me some," I teased, walking back to the table and taking a seat once again.

"There's plenty, witch," he said, winking as he pushed the plate that was indeed laden with several more of the flaky treat.

After grabbing one, I allowed him to pour my cup of tea. Somehow Severus already knew I took it with two sugars and a little milk, the concoction looking very similar to the liquid in his own cup.

"That's perfect Severus. Thank you."

He just nodded as we ate in silence, only the occasional moan of approval for our meal breaking in. But it was an was an easy silence, not one riddled with tense glances and bottled up words like I was used to at home. Here, we just ate and enjoyed the food and each other's presence, without needing to say a word at all. Severus cleared the table when he finished the last pastry, having swiped it away before I could even have a chance to fight him for it. When he was done, he stood next to the table and smiled, holding his hand out to me to help me stand.

"How long?" he asked, walking me back to the chair by the fireplace.

"A whole week," I replied, my breath catching as I remembered the pleasure he'd given me in this same chair just last night. He sat down first this time and pulled me into his lap. I straddled him, feeling the cool metal of the buttons on his fly against my bare slit. I rubbed against them unconsciously before I realized he was completely hard.

"I think I need some relief," he said, thrusting up against me slightly.

I nodded, unable to speak as he unbuttoned his trousers and thrust against me and inside me, filling me with his heat as we came together once more.


	18. Contentment

**Harry looked out across the azure water as he stood on the veranda of the safe house, leaning against one of the posts while sipping the rest of his morning cuppa. He knew she had joined him, even before she made her presence known by slipping her arm around his waist and settling her curvy form into his side. Even if it wouldn't last past this trip, he was glad that she was with him now, warming his bed at night after the long days of searching for the pair that grew more and more elusive as each day passed.**

 **Before he knew what he was doing, Harry tilted his head against hers, rubbing his cheek along the silk of her brightly colored hair. Her perfume caught his nose, and instead of being put off by it, as he was by Ginny's, he breathed deeper, enjoying the fragrance of the hyacinths mingled with rose that floated around her.**

 **"I know this trip is business, and that there's a job for you to do, Harry. But, I can't help that I wish we would never have to leave."**

 **He sighed. She knew the end game, and that he go back to Ginny as soon as they were back.**

 **And yet there was something different about her that actually made him want for it to last.**

 **He lifted his head as he put down his cup, looking down at her face. Very gently, he ran his fingers over the faint scars there, realizing they didn't distract from her beauty at all. He cupped her cheeks and brought his lips to hers, kissing her instead of answering for now.**

* * *

Afterwards, I laid against his chest, still straddling him and rocking my hips slightly even though he had slipped out of me. Was it minutes or hours ago that we'd frantically moved against one another? Time didn't seem to have any meaning when we were together, making -

I swallowed, not understanding where my mind was going with what was happening between us. Severus and I were having sex – very, very good sex – but it was just sex all the same. There wasn't any emotion behind it, other than two friends fulfilling a need in each other.

Except that we weren't friends.

We barely knew each other.

I decided not to think too much about it, not yet at least. Perhaps we could just enjoy the time together without overthinking it all. Isn't that what you were supposed to do, while having an affair?

The tremors of orgasm still rippled through me from time to time, now making me shudder slightly as he stroked my back and neck. His heart thudded in a slow, steady rhythm against my ear, so calm and so –

- _terrified of the depth of what he felt when he was joined with her._

 _It was a new experience for him, to feel as though he never wanted to leave a woman's side, not even for a second. He hadn't even been this possessive of Lily, unless time was making the emotions of youth slip even further from his memory. Of course, he'd never held Lily is his arms, feeling her tremble still from the after effects of an orgasm that had made her eyes fill with tears._

 _It was, of course, only because of the way she made him feel with her touch. Even if it was less intense, Ginny still made him feel so vital and alive that he never wanted to let her go. So he held onto her, kept stroking her back, bare now after she had frantically removed his shirt so that he could touch her skin._

 _"I don't know if I can survive a week of this," she murmured, giggling a little before she lifted her head again to meet his eyes. "I might combust."_

 _"I shall ensure that you survive, Ginny," he said as he tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "If only so that my own needs will continue to be satisfied."_

 _"Would you make an Inferi of me – bound to fulfill your every whim?" she asked, teasing as she rocked her hips against his again, making his sensitive flesh throb._

 _"I would," he said, deciding to give back whatever she decided to give. "I'd chain you to the bedpost, perpetually nude and ready for my every whim. But only if you were still just as you are now."_

 _She seemed to consider this before saying, "Who says I would need chains?"_

 _Laughing, he leaned forward and kissed her before resting his head against the leather chair back once more and closing his eyes._

 _"Severus?"_

 _"Hmmm?"_

 _"I … need to use the loo."_

 _"Of course," he said, releasing her so that she could stand. He let his hand linger on the curve on her hip, squeezing before she swatted it away and walked from the room. Sighing, he cast a Cleansing charm over himself before he fastened his trousers and belt._

 _Grudgingly, Severus stood and stretched his back. He glanced in the mirror over the mantle, now cracked in two, as he regarded his reflection. With the lingering color in his cheeks and lips, he almost looked healthy, especially with the weight that he'd gained after the War was over. What caught his attention the most was the smile on his lips._

 _It was the first time he'd ever seen himself smile, as an adult at least. If he squinted hard enough, he almost though he might even look … happy._

 _But amazing sex with a woman half his age would do that, wouldn't it? He remembered when Lucius had taken a lover, just after Draco had started school. She'd been a year out of Hogwarts, a girl Severus scarcely remembered from her OWL level Potions classes. Lucius's eyes would grow vague and his whole body seemed to relax whenever he spoke of her, his Rosalie. It hadn't lasted very long – she'd gotten married to a secretary in the Ministry and ended it six months after it began. But it was the same smile on his face now that he'd seen on Lucius's happy face then._

 _Perhaps it was contentment, for he did feel very content. He hadn't even thought of his laboratory since meeting up with her last night other than to consider how long he could away from it, so far removed was he from his normal worries of life._

 _He hoped the week would feel like a month, like a year, like a –_

 _-_ lifetime did I ever think that Severus would make me feel like this.

He had been my Professor, the Headmaster I'd loved to defy – that I had to defy in order to keep myself and everyone else safe. Except, that that had all been a lie, and he'd been protecting us after all. It was still hard to wrap my mind around, even after all the time that had passed.

I looked in the mirror as I set my purse on the counter. I'd forgotten about the small bag containing my shrunken work robes and undergarments from the day before. With a flick of my wand, they were my size once again. Leaving the green robes, I put on my bra and knickers, thankful to feel a little more covered at least. The shops Severus spoke of intrigued me as I had never been shopping outside of Diagon Alley. Just the idea of a little shopping spree in the fabled L'Avenue Magique made me a little giddy. But I most assurdly did not want to go shopping without wearing a pair of knickers.

After putting Severus's shirt back on, I brushed my hair and pulled it up into a knot so that it would be out of the way. I found my shoes and cape in the bedroom and slipped them on as well. Feeling ready to face the world outside of this hideaway, I opened the door and found Severus just beyond it, as though he had been waiting for me. He frowned when he saw that I was dressed, but still gave me his arm, knowing without asking what I wanted to do.

"May I escort you?" he asked.

"Of course you may. I would literally be lost here without you," I replied, giving his hip a playful bump with mine as he led me to the front door.

"Very true," he said, removing his wand from his sleeve and opening the door in the door in front of us, then closing it again after we walked through. When I looked back, the door slowly melted from sight, and I became a little disoriented as I tried to remember where exactly we were. "I'll give you the address when we get back," he said, seeing my confusion.

"You would make me a Secret Keeper?" I asked, now even more confused than before.

He leaned down and whispered into my ear, "Where I live isn't the only secret we share, now is it?"

I blushed deeply when I realized it was not.

After walked down several flights of stairs, we came to a small door. I could smell ink and parchment in the hallway just before the door opened, the light from the street almost blinding me as we walked outside.

The street was alive with activity, just as Diagon Alley was on a busy Saturday. Voices chattered around me, some in French and some in English, and still others in languages I did not recognize as we walked through the crowds. Occasionally, a pleasant voice would call out, "Bonjour, Monsieur Fitzpatrick!" and Severus would nod his head to whoever spoke.

"Don't forget who I am here," he murmured as we passed a sweets shop that I hoped we would return to later.

"I won't forget Michael," I said gamely. "May I have another name here as well?"

"If you wish," he said, cutting his eyes at me and smothering a grin. "What would you like to be called?"

I thought about all the names of women I'd respected over the years, of my friends and family. Who could I be if I weren't Ginny Weasley? Then I thought of someone I _could_ be – someone strong and who was one of the greatest witches of her age before her death.

"Amelia," I said.

The muscles in his arms grew tense. "And would you choose a last name?"

"How about Prewitt? It's not too far from the truth. And I think I would shorten it to Amy, wouldn't I?"

"Alright, Miss Amelia Prewitt, who prefers to go by Amy," he said. "Here we are."

I looked up and saw a sign that read _Une Dame D'Original._ There were charmed mannequins in the front windows that moved through different poises while wearing brightly colored robes and dresses.

"Will you come in with me, or …"

"I'll meet you back here in an hour," he answered, patting my arm as he kissed the top of my head. "Have a good time, Amy. There are some other shops next door that sell other sorts of garments as well."

I looked in the closest set of windows and saw lacy lingerie tastefully laid out on old wooden dressers. I blushed again as he gave me a light pat on the bottom before turning and walking down the road, disappearing into a store that looked suspiciously like the sweets shop we had walked by.

Grinning, I opened the door to the shop and began to browse around the jumpers and skirts, my hope that I might be able to find a pair of denims squashed by the look of the upper crust store. I giggled when I thought that Narcissa Malfoy would look more at home in an establishment like this than I did.

"Bonjour, Mademoiselle. Puis-je vous aider?" a dark-haired woman asked as she walked up to my side.

"I don't speak French, I'm afraid. Do you –"

"Don't worry, dear, I speak English," she said, smiling as she took my hand and showed me around. They did carry denims after all, and I bought a pair along with a few jumpers and skirts that would carry me through the week, as well as a pair of more sensible shoes than the sandals on my feet.

She did manage to talk me into buying a fancy dress that she swore was 'just made for me'. I was sure it was something Severus would like when I remembered his reaction to my dress last night. Made of an inky black matte fabric, it was more modest in the front, coming up high to my neck and falling to my feet in a draped waves. But that was where the modestly ended, as it was attached to my neck only by a broad strip of the same black material. And the back … well, there was no back to the dress at all, leaving my skin bare for his hands to touch.

I couldn't exactly give my false name here I realized as I signed the sales slip with my real name and Gringotts vault number. The proprietress smiled at me when she took the paper and quill from me, winking as she said, "I hope to see you back soon, Ginny." I just nodded, as I would probably not be back after this trip, though it was a nice thought.

I ducked into the lingerie store next door and bought a few things to add to the little I had with me, including two sleep sets that I wasn't sure I would wear, but the bright red lace on the first and the deep green silk of the second were too much for me to resist. I wasn't too laden down with bags when I met Severus at the same spot he left me an hour earlier. He had a few bags of his own, but nevertheless took the ones I held before he held his arm out for me to take again.

"Bonjour, Amy," he said with a sly wink before he kissed my cheek.

"Michael," I replied, leaning against him for a minute and enjoying the sounds of the city before we started to walk about once more, enjoying a mid-morning stroll together in a place where no one knew who we really were.


	19. Pillow Talk

"Did you always want to be a Healer?" Severus asked, many hours later when the sky was dark again. We were lying in bed, the quilts pulled away from us as his touch was enough to warm me from my head to my toes.

I'd been resting my cheek against his chest, enjoying the way his hands moved up and down my arms in tender caresses. I turned to look at his curious black eyes, being careful not to dig my chin into his chest.

"No," I said honestly. "Did _you_ always want to be a Potion's Master?"

His squinted his eyes at me for minute before he shook his head. "No," he finally admitted.

That was not the answer I was expecting at all. Severus seemed so at home behind a cauldron, if my memory held correct, which I was sure it did. I remembered how fluid his movements were when he demonstrated the preparation of a proper potion, how lovingly (sensually really) he looked as he prepared a multitude of ingredients and carefully stirred them together. Now, being responsible for making many of the potions I administered, I realized what an art it was. A gift. One I wasn't sure I truly had.

"What did you want to be, then, when you were young?" I asked, my curiosity peeked.

He smiled shyly before he answered, "To be quite frank, for a while all I wanted to do was to play Quidditch."

"But weren't you one of Slughorn's star pupils?" I asked. "And didn't you always want to teach the Dark Arts?"

"I was, and I suppose I did," he said simply. "But that didn't mean it was my only passion. My mother played Quidditch for Slytherin, and she passed that love on to me, along with her love of potions. But, I never made the team. I was too skinny and was constantly in the Hospital Wing thanks to the antics of Potter's father. The risk of letting me join outweighed the risk."

"Oh wow," I said, more surprised than I remembered feeling in a long time. "So how did you become a Potion's Master?"

Severus ran his fingers through his hair, letting the strands fall in his eyes as though he was trying to hide his thoughts. I reached up to his forehead and brushed the strands away, earning a small scowl from him, as well as a sigh. "I studied Potions under a Master who was a Death Eater at the request of the Dark Lord, in order to brew some of the darker potions he needed to enhance his power," he said, looking away. "My coupled interest in the Dark Arts made me the perfect candidate. As for the Dark Arts position at Hogwarts … as much as I'm at loathe to admit this, I applied time after time just to irritate Albus, so it was more of a running joke than anything. I was as surprised as many of you were when I got the post the year before …" He frowned and swallowed thickly, unable to finish.

I nodded and grabbed for one of his hands, entwining my fingers with his. After a time, I felt his heart, which had begun to beat very rapidly with what I'm sure were his thoughts of Dumbledore's death, slowly return back to its previous cadence. He cleared his throat and looked back to me.

"And what about you? What were your childhood dreams?" he asked, putting on a smile that put me at ease.

I grinned. "Quidditch. I wanted to play for the Harpies."

"I suspected as much," Severus said, smiling vaguely. "I remember watching you play. You were very good."

I colored a little with his praise. "Thank you, Severus."

"What changed?"

I studied him carefully before I answered, "The Battle of Hogwarts. Seeing my friends fall around me and not being able to help them was impossible to bear."

His face tightened and he nodded as though he understood my intentions completely. He squeezed my hand and brought it to kiss lips, kissing it before placing it over his heart. "Do you still play?"

I nodded. "Sometimes. Some of the Healers play each other to burn off steam after bad days. What about you?"

He shook his head. "I still fly, but ... too many injuries, and of course, no one likes to play with Voldemort's 'Right Hand Man', do they?"

"I like to play with you," I whispered, biting my lip as I looked at the scars on his chest, which started to shake with his suppressed laughter.

"This is a different game, isn't it?" he asked, flexing his hips so that I could feel that he was hard once more.

"Just a two player kind," I replied, stroking his erection and listening to the hiss of his indrawn breath.

"On your back."

I submitted to his request, rolling onto my back and opening my legs for him. He rolled on top of me, sliding perfectly into the cradle of my hips and thighs.

"Feeling okay? Do you need a potion?" he asked even as he strained toward my cleft.

"No," I whispered, getting lost in the black heat of his eyes. "I just need –

- _you. Are you ever going to admit it was you who cast that hex on me during the Welcoming Feast?" he asked, pinching Ginny's hip as she giggled hysterically._

 _"I have no clue what you are talking about, Severus – oh do stop tha_ _t_ _!" she cried as_ _moved his hand to_ _tickle_ _a sensitive spot on her neck._

 _"Tell me, and you can take your pick from the sweets I bought," he said, trying to tempt her into finally admitting what he had known to be the truth these past years._

 _"No! I'll never tell," she giggled. "Not even for a whole package of Chocolate Cauldrons."_

 _Severus continued to tickle her neck until tears filled her eyes and she begged for mercy. "Tell me," he whispered into her ear once she calmed down. "Tell me the truth, and I'll lick your sweet little pussy so well you won't be able to speak for a week_ _."_

 _Even though she was still out of breath from his attentions, Ginny quit breathing for a second before she stared at him and replied, "I did it. Neville talked me into going through with it, but it was my idea. And what's more, I still get at least one owl a week_ _from my classmates_ _telling me how clever I was for doing it."_

 _"And do you keep those owls?" he asked, narrowing his eyes slightly._

 _"Every last one of them," she said, licking her lips as her hands slid down her belly to her quim. "I read them every couple of days, just for fun."_

 _Severus tried not to laugh, but he couldn't suppress the chuckle that escaped. She never failed to surprise him – this little witch who he'd known for so long. Under the demure exterior she'd put on, she was still the little spit fire he remembered. Plucking her hand away from the junction of her legs, he pressed her against the bed and spread her thighs, sighing when he saw her gleaming slit waiting for him._

 _"You earned_ _your_ _reward," he said as he moved himself in front of her and lowered his lips to her –_

 _-_ beautiful hair'," I said, pulling a face as I touched my dark strands.

"Have you ever thought of trying a potion or an elixir to see if it would come back?" he asked as he ran a hand over my head, just skimming over my hair and skin.

"I never saw the point. It's a family trait, and mother said they didn't try to change it back." I studied him for a minute, watching him run his fingers through the long strands before I asked, "Do you think I should?"

"What does my opinion matter?" he said absently, rubbing the stands between his thumb and forefinger.

"I did ask, didn't I?" I said, frowning when I realized I'd never even asked Harry. Although, I'd did know the answer there - he'd want my hair as fiery as it had been when we first met.

As fiery as his mothers had once been.

Severus slowly tore his gaze from my hair and looked into my eyes. "I wouldn't change a thing about you, Ginny. It suits you, you realize?"

"I do, but sometimes when I look in the mirror I don't recognize myself," I admitted, looking at my hair and seeing how dark it looked against his alabaster chest.

"You still look like yourself, Ginny, as much as I do. No one stays the same throughout their lives, in personality or appearance." His eyes were oddly still when he said, "No matter what color your hair is, you are still the loveliest woman in any room you enter."

I bit my lip and blushed, turning away slightly as I rested my head on his chest again. "Still?" I asked, looking at the mirror across from us and catching a glance of us as we lay in the bed: limbs tangled, my hair spread over his chest like a silken waterfall, his black hair splayed over his own pillow, my pale and freckled skin against his smooth ivory.

He caught my gaze in the mirror. "Surely you know how pretty you've always been?"

"But you last saw me in school, before Flourish and Blotts. Did you think I was lovely and pretty then?" I asked, wanting to tease him with whatever answer he gave me.

But when Severus looked at me again, I saw the haunted shadow of the face he wore when he was Headmaster reappear briefly before he replied, "I did."

I swung my gaze away from the mirror and looked at his real face. I pressed my lips against his, determined to kiss away any thoughts of those days, determined to -

- _come!" she cried in frustration._

 _He continued to thrust, stopping briefly to lift her leg over his shoulder, giving him a different angle before he picked up again. "Better?" he asked._

 _Ginny nodded, then shook her head frantically before moaning, "I'm so close, I just ... I can't!"_

 _"Why?" he panted. "What's holding you back?"_

 _Her eyes were screwed shut, as they had been since he felt her begin to tense with frustration. A moan was her only response._

 _"Open your eyes," he said._

 _"Can't," she whispered._

 _"Ginny, open your eyes and look at me," he ordered, slowing his thrusts until he was barely moving._

 _"Don't stop!" she whined, her eyes flying open - the bright, warm brown fixing on his. When their eyes met, she finally began to tremble and shake, her walls clamping on his cock in strong waves. He started to tremble too, unable to stop his body's response to her pleasure._

 _"Oh ... oh Ginny ... I have to ... " he sighed as the orgasm hit him strong, making him struggle to keep his eyes open. But he won the fight, and was able to see the blush rise on his chest and cheeks, up to her forehead as her body quaked. He was worried at first; she had been a very vocal lover up to this point and her silence was louder than any of her previous adulations._

 _"Ginny?"_

 _"I'm okay ... intense ... still coming ... still coming ... oh Severus, it's so ... good ..." Each word was a whimper, low in her throat. But he was already leaving her, having come deeply inside her. When he slipped out of her completely he slid his fingers in, letting her ride them until she was completely drained and limp, helpless in his arms._

 _"So good ... " she murmured as she drifted to sleep._

 _He watched her as she slept, curled into his side as though she was made from his rib. Swallowing hard, he pulled the quilt around them, trying hard not to let the thoughts form, but they did anyways. Briefly he pretended she was his, that this was their home, and that she -_

 _-_ loved him," I said, passing him the sugar for his tea. "Sixteen and in love with my brother's best friend, the savior of the Wizarding world." I snorted, looking out the window to my left and catching a glimpse of Notre Dame. We were going tomorrow for a tour, then he was going to take me to the Eiffel Tower. Out there we were just a couple of Muggles named Michael and Amy, on a minibreak in Paris seeing the sights.

"When did it change?" he asked, his voice dropping an octave as he carefully dosed his tea with milk and sugar.

I sighed and kept my eyes on the cathedral, concentrating on trying to keep the tears away. "No one knows this, Severus. Not even Hermione, and especially not my mother." I glanced back at him, seeing him stop mid stir to look up at me. I looked away again, focusing on the horizon as I said, "I had a miscarriage after Ron and Hermione moved out. And we were never the same after that, in our relationship, in bed, or otherwise. Harry doesn't want children, at least until he's more secure in the Auror office, and he accused me of going off the Potion against his wishes. I bled lot longer than I should have," I added, trying not to hear the misery in my voice at the memory. "We just started to stall out, stopped growing as a couple. I still love him, though. That never stopped growing," I said, not looking at Severus at all now, not wanting to see my lover's reaction to the love I still had for Harry. "I still love him," I repeated dumbly, hearing the words echo in my head.

I heard him stand up just as the tears began to fall. I thought he was leaving, as Harry did whenever I spoke of it. I braced myself for how empty the room would feel without him there.

His hands on my shoulders was a surprise, as was the heat of his lips on my neck.

So were his tears that hit my skin when he pulled me into his arms.

* * *

 **"Do you still love Ginny?" she asked.**

 **They were in bed together once again, as she'd snuck unto his room hours ago and slid under the covers with him.**

 **Harry closed his eyes, knowing that she would eventually ask that questions –** ** _the_** **question everyone seemed to ask lately.**

 **He thought about it for some time before he answered, reflecting on all of his ill feelings about the word 'love'. With his green eyes still closed off from the world, he pictured Ginny's still, sweet face, covered in freckles and smiling at him when they first walked into Grimmauld Place to live there together. He saw her eyes, filled with tears, when he found her in the shower, doubled over in pain the day that they found out that she was not only pregnant, but losing the life within. Then, he saw her as she'd been last week when she held him in the kitchen of their home, holding him with all her might.**

 **Ginny was his rock, his talisman - some days even more so than the faint memories of his mother.**

 **"I do."**


	20. Unwanted Visitors

Time passed so slowly for us, in those first days that Severus and I embarked on our affair. Away from the rest of the world and cut off from our real life, it all felt like a dream. Time flowed instead of ticked by, and sometimes it even seemed as though the clocks quit moving whenever we were in bed, whether we were having sex, kissing, or pleasing each other with our oral skills.

I didn't want it to end. I loved the way Severus made me feel. In his arms I was cherished. Worshiped, really. Every action, whether it was for my pleasure or his, was made to feel as though it were only for me and my own benefit. I thought it should have scared me, feeling the way I used to feel with Harry while in the arms of another man. But it didn't, except when I tried to consider the emotions behind them. Those thoughts I couldn't consider or even comprehend, not just yet.

For this was all make believe, wasn't it? Just pretend, as fake as the names we hid behind when we were outside the solitude of the dark walls of his flat.

However, time caught up with us, much earlier than we expected, and it came first in the shape of a silvery otter that appeared early on Tuesday morning.

We were asleep, exhausted after another night of shared passion. I opened an eye when I heard the sound of a woman clearing her throat, but the sound was so familiar to me that I closed it again, forgetting where I was until the voice spoke loud and clear. Bolting upright in the bed and grabbing my wand, I looked around frantically before I started to shake Severus awake.

"Severus! Severus, wake up!"

He woke quickly, his eyes opening wide at the sound of my fearful voice. When he saw the unease in my face he grabbed his wand, sitting up as well.

"What's wrong, dear?" he asked, taking my hand in his.

"I heard a woman's voice," I whispered. "Someone's in the flat with us."

"That's impossible, you are the only person who knows where I live," he said, frowning as he flicked his wrist, lighting all the candles in the room.

"Could it be a ghost?" I asked.

"I would hope not," he muttered. "Stay here, I'll look around." He climbed out of bed, pulling on his boxers before he walked to the bedroom door. I heard the sounds of him looking around the rest of his flat before he came back in and looked in the bathroom. I waited in anticipation, wondering who – or what – he would find.

Severus shook his head as he walked back into the bedroom.

"There's nothing, and no one, here," he said. "Go back to sleep."

"I know I heard a woman's voice, Severus. I'm not hearing things." I opened the nightstand and pulled the green nightie over my head. It didn't give me much coverage, but at least it was something in case there we really did find someone.

"I'll keep looking," he said, scowling at my silk covered chest. "Take that off, please."

"Only when I know the two of us are really alone."

His scowl became ferocious, but Severus continued to look around, even more carefully this time, peering around the dresser and his nightstand. He was about to walk over to mine when he abruptly looked down and pointed his wand at the ground in front of the bed. I crawled to where he stood and stared over the foot board, almost laughing when I saw the otter gaze up at me in an exact imitation of Hermione's worried frown.

"Ginny Weasley," it said as it stood on its hind legs and wagged a paw it me. "You missed tea yesterday. Your supervisor says you asked for time off, but has no idea where you are. Kreacher doesn't even know where you are, other than giving me a completely ridiculous explanation of 'spending a week with friends'. Your mother is worried sick. Be so kind to send an owl or your Patronus to one of us before Molly bribes Errol into finding you so that she can send you a Howler?" It sniffed before padding to the bedroom door, flicking the little silvery tail at me before it walked out.

I looked at Severus, who had a hand over his mouth. I reached up tugged it away, revealing the smirk underneath.

"Git," I said.

"You aren't the first to call me that," he said as he walked back to the bed, laying back down and getting comfortable again.

"If the shoe fits," I muttered, earning a swat to my leg from him before he rolled over and tucked the pillow under his head. I turned away from him and thought of the first time I rode on the back of George's broom when I was four.

"Expecto Patronum!"

My mare leaped out from the tip of my wand, turning back to look at me in expectation of my message. I cleared my throat gingerly before I said, "Hermione, I am taking a much earned, last minute vacation to celebrate passing my exam. Tell my mother I am fine, and that I will be back this weekend. Will Floo you both as soon as I'm back at Grimmauld Place. I promise I'm okay, and I'm sorry I didn't think to send you two an owl. I apologize. By the way, your otter is a little witch, just like its mistress." I made sounds like I was giving air kisses before I winked at the mare. She trotted to the window and leaped through, disappearing into the cold morning air.

I put my wand back on the nightstand, stretching before I laid down on the bed again. I rolled towards Severus and put my arms around his waist, burrowing into his warmth.

"Is that settled?" he asked.

"We'll find out soon enough. Hopefully we won't get any little red envelopes from my mother, screaming out her list of grievances," I said, yawning a little at the end. I was still very tired. Even though it must have been mid-morning I wasn't done with having a lie in.

Gently, I kissed Severus's back. The scar tissue was smooth and tight against my lips, reminding me of –

- _just how little time they really had together._

 _It was already Tuesday._

 _Merlin, why couldn't it be Sunday again, the day they'd walked by the Seine while trying to pick out Wizard from Muggle in the crowds around them?_

 _He longed to have Saturday back, the day they didn't even leave the bed at all except to use the loo and shower (together, which ended up in a quick fuck against the tile)._

 _Yesterday had been incredible. Severus had taken her to Notre Dame to see the Rose Windows, created by Wizards long ago and restored time and time again in exchange for the use of L'Avenue Magique. Afterwards, they'd gone to the top of the Eiffel Tower at sunset. Ginny cast a Muffling charm so that they could enjoy the sight of the city without the squeals of the Muggles around them. It felt as though it was just the two of them on top of the world._

 _He found himself longing for Friday, thinking of how he wished he could seduce her for the first time all over again, all while she was seducing him with hands that gliding up and down his leg … up and down his shaft …_

 _Severus heard her sigh just before she laid her head against the pillow next to him. Her soft breath ruffled his hair as her breathing changed, slowing to the easy rhythm of sleep. She hadn't remembered to take off the nightie. He didn't want to feel the silk against his skin - he wanted to feel her. He touched his wand and wordlessly Vanished it, hoping she wouldn't be too upset with him when she woke. He smirked as he placed his hands over hers and let himself get lost in –_

 _-_ the Floo?" I asked. It was flashing green, as though Severus was getting a Floo call. I was confused, as I thought I was the only person who knew of this place.

"Who else _would_ be able to find me?" he growled as lowered my dress and wiped his mouth on the handkerchief he removed from his pocket.

"It won't take long, will it?" I asked, letting my hands wander to do the job themselves if it did.

He looked at my hands and frowned before he said, "Put those on the arms of the chair, Ginny. A little anticipation will only make it that much better."

I pulled my skirt back up again, giving him a little reminder of what he was missing when I traced my cleft with my pointer finger.

"Fuck the Minister," he whispered, burying his head between my legs again.

"The Minister?" I gasped as he bit my clit, his head jerking up and down in response. "But you have to answer if it's the … " I started to whimper when he thrust two fingers within me. I felt the tips curl, seeking the spot that made me –

" _Severus Snape?"_ It was Minister Shacklebolt's voice, booming through the small room.

"Don't you have to – oh, heavens! Right there!" He had continued to stroke and suck, bringing me almost to the brink, almost –

" _Severus Snape, if you don't answer your Floo I will have the Charm breakers find your hideout and send the Aurors for you."_

He pulled back and cursed, removing his fingers gently. I cursed as well, trying to recall some of the worst words I remembered Fred teaching me. Severus raised an eyebrow, obviously impressed.

"Don't even think of trying to finish this," he whispered darkly, bringing a chill to my spine. I nodded, placing my hands firmly on the dark leather arms of the chair as he lowered my skirt again. He didn't even bother to wipe his mouth or hands when he kneeled in front of the fireplace and put his head into the green flames. Even from where I sat, I could hear the two baritone voices arguing with each other. Occasionally Severus's hands would slap the floor or the brick of the mantle with either irritation or frustration, or perhaps both. In time, his shoulders slumped, his body shaking slightly before he sat back on his heels.

"I have to return to London," he said tersely. His hair covered his face so completely that only the tip of his nose was visible.

I closed my eyes, trying to fight back tears. I wasn't ready to leave this little bubble yet, not at all. I cleared my throat, my pleasure long forgotten when I asked, "When?"

"He wants me back tomorrow," he said, so softly I had to strain to hear the words.

"But it's only Tuesday," I said. I knew I sounded like a petulant child, whining about having to go back home after my first trip to Diagon Alley. I looked up and saw him nod before he tipped his head back and let the dark strands fall away. His face was very tense, an intense scowl marring his features completely.

"There's a potion I've been working on that he wants completed. _Now_." The defeat in his voice made me want to scream.

"But … but I'm not ready to go back," I said helplessly, no longer fighting the tears. I felt them roll down my cheeks in silent streams.

"Nor am I, my dear," Severus said.

"What if I stayed with you there, in your real home?" I said, thinking quickly. "You don't work all day every day. I could be there, waiting for you when you returned."

"You wouldn't be able to do anything … go anywhere," he muttered.

"Glamors," I said. He looked up sharply when I spoke, his eyes moving from my wet cheeks to my bright, eager eyes. "We could still be Michael Fitzpatrick and Amy Prewitt. I did always want to be a blonde, you know," I tried to giggle, but my mouth wouldn't cooperate. I was still so disappointed that it was hard to breathe.

"Are you sure?" he asked, the barest trace of hope back in his voice.

"I wouldn't have mentioned it if I wasn't," I said, holding my hand out to him. He took it, leaning back to me and resting his head in my lap.

"We'll go out tonight. Someplace special," he said, rubbing his face against my skirts. "You can wear your new dress."

"I'd like that," I said, genuinely giggling when I felt him lift my skirt once more. "What are you doing, Severus?"

"I wasn't done," he said solemnly before he spread my thighs and resumed his previous work. He was even more determined than ever, working my clit until I fairly –

- _sang while she showered, her voice high and clear as a songbird's. It was the first time he'd ever heard her sing. He couldn't recall if Ginny was in Filius's choir in school, but he never had any soloists. If she had been, her sweet voice wouldn't have been discernable among the many._

 _He hoped she was happy – it sounded like she was. Perhaps it would even last when they returned to London, with any luck._

 _Sipping his tea, he looked around the kitchen and living room. He couldn't help but smirk at the flowers she'd brought back yesterday to "cheer the place up" and the bright red blanket she'd smuggled in from one of the shops, insisting the place needed just a "little color"._

 _He wondered she realized that_ she _was what this place needed, shuddering when he thought of what it would be like to stay here when she was gone._

 _It was just a week, after all. That was all they had agreed to. A week of sex and exploring their connection, and then they would return to their normal lives._

 _Except, Severus wondered if his life would ever be normal again after this …_

 _He hadn't realized the singing had stopped until he saw her standing nude in front of him, her hair wet and still dripping slightly._

 _"Join me?" Ginny asked._

 _He nodded and followed her into the steam-filled bathroom, stripping himself of his clothes with each step. He shut the door just before she sank to her knees in front of him._


	21. Slow Dance

I gazed at myself in the bathroom mirror, after wiping off more of the leftover bits of condensation that had built up after the long shower we'd taken together. It had made sense at first, especially after we'd both gotten a bit untidy after I gave him particularly messy blow job. In our logic, we could get clean together, scrub each other's backs and wash each other's hair, the latter being a luxury as only people with longer hair understood how to handle it when wet and not make it a completely tangled mess.

Severus's fine head of hair had felt like silk in my hands as I rubbed his soap through it, and the mere intimacy of the act was almost enough to bring me to my knees once again. When he rubbed his soapy hands through mine – utter perfect ecstasy.

But, hands began to travel – my hands to be exact – and soon enough he was hard again, and the slickness between my thighs had nothing to do with the steaming water around us.

He'd walked out into the bedroom, afterwards, telling me he had little need to "fuss in front of a mirror', smirking as I stuck my tongue out at him and took my few supplies out of my bag.

Getting dressed for a night out, as few as they were recently, had never been this much fun. Harry was so conservative, much more so lately than ever. If he had it his way I'd wear a turtleneck and floor length skirts wherever we went, if he couldn't talk me into just wearing my robes from St. Mungo's complete with my veil and wimple.

After fixing my makeup and drying my hair, I put the new dress on and secured the tie around my neck, finally able to examine myself with it on properly, as I had only briefly slipped it on and off in the shop just to make sure it fit.

The dress was absolutely something I would never have been able to get away with back home. Not in a million years. Not as Harry Potter's girlfriend and Arthur Weasley's daughter.

The fabric was sheer in this light, the material not as opaque as I'd thought it to be. I could almost discern the outline of my breasts and the areola of my nipples through it. A long slit rose up the front (how had I not noticed this in the shop?) clear to the top of my thigh, though with the looseness of the fabric, my legs peeked in and out of view. With my right hand adorned with my parent's garnet ring and my hair pulled into a loose twist so that all of my back was bare, I felt a little naked, though at the same time I felt beautiful.

Sexy.

Powerful.

I walked out of the bathroom, the click of my heeled sandals very pleasing to my ears. Severus was in the bedroom, waiting for me, just as he said he would be. He looked ever much the Wizard in his heavily starched frock coat and layered cravat, but for the first time I realized how formal he looked in the Muggle world, especially after spending more time in it than I ever had these past few days. Even with my formal dress robes, we looked like a matching pair – dark and dark, pale and pale.

Witch and Wizard.

He gasped, just loud enough for me to hear. I quickly shut the door behind me and let him inspect me at his will.

"You look divine," he noted, giving me one of his mysterious half smiles as he took my hand in his. He motioned for me to turn, and like a ballerina I spun on my toes, using his touch to keep me steady. "How far up does that slit go?" he asked, spreading the fabric wide.

I blushed when he flipped the fabric so high that he could see that I hadn't worn underwear of any kind. He inhaled deeply, as though he could smell my arousal. A tiny flush spread across his cheeks like wildfire. But his was not of mild embarrassment, like mine was. He was aroused, more than aroused if the rapidly swelling lump in front of his trousers was an indication.

I didn't even have the chance to look back up. Suddenly I was against the wall, my dress at my hips. His fingers were already inside me as his other hand fumbled with his buttons.

"My dress," I panted, squirmed on his hand, trying to make him thrust harder. "The wall … wrinkles … "

He withdrew his fingers and spun me around. Instinctively I put my hands up to the wall, bracing myself against it. In one smooth move my arse was bare, and Severus was behind me, opening my thighs.

Sliding inside me with one smooth motion that made every nerve in my body sing.

One hand went to my clit as the other held my hip, helping me meet him thrust for thrust. It was over so fast – too fast. His fingers tweaked me so hard that I came in violent shudders, just as he swelled within me, filling me with his heat.

"Scourgify," he panted, cleaning us of any residual evidence that could stain our clothes. I leaned back against him, letting his hands roam over my body as our breathing slowed.

"How do I … do I need to fix my hair … makeup?" I panted. I tried to look over his shoulder at the mirror behind him, but he blocked me from it.

"You look like I just gave you the best shag of your life," he said, leaning in still closer. "And I want everyone in that restaurant to know that you are –

- _mine," she said, slapping his hand away from the mille-feuille in front of her._

 _Severus licked his lips, groaning slightly as he watched Ginny take that first bite, breaking the crisp layers of pastry and scooping of the dense custard between. She closed her eyes and moaned as her mouth closed around the spoon, her tongue licking up the residual fine crumbs from her lower lip._

 _His fingers twitched with the need to touch her. As did his cock with the need to fuck her again, in his bed here in Paris. But they were Apparating to his flat as soon as they got back and changed -_

 _"_ _Do you want to try a little?" Her eyes were bright as Muggle pennies when she held the spoon out to him. There was the slightest bit of cream on her thumb, as though she'd intended to tempt him._

 _Grabbing her wrist, he brought the spoon to his mouth. For a moment he let himself get lost in the deliciousness of the pastry before returning his attentions back to her, and the thumb that waved slightly in his face. She had meant to do it – he could tell now by the sly smile and by the way her top teeth bit down on her lower lip. After he licked the spoon clean he kissed her hand, sliding his mouth and tongue along her knuckles until he reached her thumb, sucking it in his mouth._

 _"_ _Kiss me," Ginny begged, scooting closer to him. He released her thumb with a soft pop and took her face in his hands, his breath catching when he saw the look of utter contentment in her face. The pulse in her throat leapt when he kissed her, and all breathing ceased as they caressed each other's skin._

 _"_ _I wish my husband still kissed me like that." The voice filtered into his thoughts – high, nasal, and unmistakably American._

 _"_ _I wish my husband still kissed me, period." A second voice, a companion to the American woman by the sound of it._

 _Severus tried to keep his focus on Ginny, even Occluding his thoughts a little to drown out the noise. But when a third voice spoke, he lost his concentration completely._

 _"_ _Did you see the way they've been looking at each other? They must really be in –_

-love to dance." Severus grimaced as they walked out to the dance floor.

"I think you protest a little too much, sir," I said, bumping his hip with mine as we slid past a few couples before finding a spot towards the center.

He frowned down at me, as magnificently disapproving as he had been when he was a professor and I was his student. It made me giggle – I couldn't help it. I hadn't seen his glower in years, and surprisingly it felt like seeing an old friend again. Back then a giggle in class would have earned me a detention. But now … his face softened a little and he relaxed marginally as we glided around the floor. I didn't know the music, but it was slow enough that I could easily follow his lead. Despite his complaints about my request to dance, he was a very good dancer – light on his feet for such a tall man.

The song changed after a time to something very slow. Taking a cue from the couples around us, I put my arms around his neck and rested my cheek against his chest, feeling his heart pound against it as his arms tightened around me. It felt so good, very much like being at –

I blinked and tried to clear my mind of any emotion like he'd been teaching me. But it was already too late. Severus sighed and rested his head against mine, his cheek cool against my forehead.

"I know," he whispered.

I merely nodded, not saying a word as we swayed together as one.

We circled the floor, dancing until the band stopped playing, and even then we danced in the silent room, not wanting to go –

 _-home?"_

 _Ginny nodded and grabbed her bag, all of her new items shrunk and placed in there for the trip. Her hair was still gathered in the beautiful, messy twist that he couldn't seem to keep his hands out of, though instead of that amazing black dress she wore a simple jumper and skirt underneath her cloak._

 _"_ _Maybe one last look around – no need in just having to come back later." She disappeared into the bedroom._

 _Severus looked around his flat too, placing Stasis charms where needed to keep the place from getting musty from disuse._

 _It was brighter than it had been. Thanks to her. He smiled vaguely as he placed a charm on the bouquet of hot house flowers she'd brought up from the street. Perhaps they would survive until they … until he returned._

 _"_ _I think that's really it, Severus," she said, marching back into the room. She sighed as she looked about, muttering, "Back to London. Real life."_

 _"_ _Just for a few hours a day," he reminded her. He held out his hand, and she took it, squeezing tightly as he cast his wards, strengthening the ones already in place. "On the count of three, dear. One … two … three."_

 _With a soft pop, they disappeared from sight._

* * *

 _A/N: Gods above I'm usually more on top of a story than this. I've had some massive redo's of some parts of the story which I hadn't anticipated, and all the second guessing and rewriting has gotten me a little blocked. I think I'm past it. With the holidays and RL coming up, I won't post as fanatical as I have done in the past, but it'll keep coming. Trust me, bear with me, follow it if you like what you see. :)  
_


	22. The Crush of Reality

**Harry returned to the safe house well after midnight after their latest raid. He was exhausted to the point he didn't even feel like sharing his bed at all tonight, even to sleep. She'd pouted when he sent her back to her own room, tossing her copper hair over her shoulder and sniffing with each step. Sighing, he shut the door and undressed quickly. As much as he hadn't wanted to hurt her, he just needed to rest and just be alone for a few hours. As he slid between the rough sheets, he resolved that he would slip into her bed and make it up to her in the morning.**

 **The letter on his pillow remained unnoticed until he laid down and pressed his cheek against it. Mail shouldn't have been able to get to him here, unless it had come through Ministry channels. Deciding it probably didn't need to wait until morning with that being the case, he sat up and opened the envelope, pulling out a stiff piece of parchment ornamented in lime green wands and bones.**

 ** _"_** ** _Mr. Potter,_**

 ** _It is our extreme pleasure at St. Mungo's to inform you of Ginny's recent accomplishments. Since she wouldn't be able to inform you until your return home, I spoke to the Minister directly to ensure this letter would reach you while you were away._**

 ** _Ginny passed her recent Potions and Plant Poisoning MediHELL exam with higher marks than any previous Healer in the history of St. Mungo's. Combined with her certifications in Spell and Curse Damage and Creature Induced Injuries, she is now the most highly qualified Healer in St. Mungo's and perhaps the whole of Europe. With more experience and time, she may very well be more powerful than Dilys Derwent herself – her portrait concurs with this assessment whole-heartedly._**

 ** _You should be very proud of your girl's accomplishments. We certainly are, and rest assured that we are determined not to lose her to another hospital. She is too valuable an asset._**

 ** _Sincerely,_**

 ** _Hippocrates Smethwyck  
Healer-in-Charge, Creature Induced Injury Ward  
Lead Healer of St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries"_**

 **Harry let out a breath as the paper floated away from his hand, onto the quilt. How had he missed this? Why hadn't she - oh Merlin, she had! He had just …**

 **He swallowed noisily. He'd just forgotten, just hadn't realized how important it was.**

 **How important she was.**

 **How special she was.**

 **He put the letter on his makeshift nightstand – a plain box they'd used to carry groceries in last week when they arrived.**

 **As exhausted as he was, Harry did not sleep at all, nor did he visit the room of the witch who was silently crying herself to sleep. Methodically, as he would when working on a case, he devised a plan. It would be easy, so far away – and he had tomorrow off to get most of what he needed together for when he returned home.**

 **When morning came, he put his plan into action, sending his Patronus across the sapphire sea.**

* * *

 _Suffocating - he was suffocating!_

 _Potter and his idiot friends must have left him when he passed out from the pain. Gods above he was awake now, but not for much longer. Even though this was the plan – had been the plan ever since Albus told him that he would have to be the one to kill him instead of Draco – he couldn't help but want just a little more life._

 _Call it selfish greed or idiocy at its greatest, but at this moment, when the world was growing dim around him he wanted more! To look at Harry's green eyes one more time, to make one more potion … to look at_ her _just one more time and smell her sweet perfume as she scowled at him._

 _"_ _Severus?" The voice was weakened and hoarse, not nearly as strong and commanding as it had been in years past. But it was a comfort to him now, to die in the company of his best friend._

 _Severus opened his eyes and met the grey gaze of Lucius Malfoy. Narcissa was at his side, weeping as she leaned into her husband's body._

 _"_ _Merlin, he's alive – he survived it!" she whispered urgently, taking her wand and casting a few clumsy charms on his neck. Severus felt the skin slowly draw together, but it wouldn't be enough. He'd lost too much blood now. Only a matter of time._

 _"_ _Give it to him," Lucius urged, digging into Narcissa's pockets himself when she couldn't move fast enough._

 _"_ _But it's for Draco! We can't –"_

 _"_ Geminus Portus _," Lucius whispered, taking her wand and tapping the small cherry stone with it. A second stone popped into being, which Narcissa hastily pocketed with a sigh of relief._

 _"_ _Severus, this will take you to St. Charmaine's. Directly to their front door. I've paid one of the Healers handsomely to care for Draco if … but she will take care of you too. I swear it on my own life." Lucius said rapidly. "If you wish to go. Please tell me you do – we must be quick!"_

 _Severus took a great groaning breath, finally able to breathe as the skin over his windpipe closed. He reached for them, taking their gloved hands in his bare ones, and nodded._

 _"_ _You'll have to put it round his neck; I don't think he's strong enough to hold it," Narcissa said, taking off the dragon shaped medallion from around her neck and removing the heavy chain. Working quickly now, she tapped her wand against the stone and the chain several times until they were attached to each other. She placed it around Severus's neck, very carefully as it was just a mess of torn muscle and skin on the left. Their hands met, the ties between them still as strong as they had been when they first took the vow. "Now. Do it, Lucius."_

 _"_ Portus," _Lucius whispered. The cherry stone turned bright blue as the charm activated._

 _Severus felt a pain the likes of which he had never experienced before, even when Nagini sunk her teeth into his neck, as he hurtled through time and space to the front step of the Parisian hospital. When he landed, gracelessly in a heap of black wool, he threw up blood and bile, sobbing until the door opened and gentle hands held his face, probably trying to discern if he was –_

\- _still alive, but falling out of bed, onto the hard wooden floor. He crawled to the bathroom, sobbing with the memories of the pain and of the abiding friendship that had saved his miserable life. His stomach rolled with each movement, but he was determined to make it to the toilet and not have endure the stench of his sick until he felt well enough to clean it up._

 _Collapsing against the floor, Severus was unable to go any further once he felt the cool tiles under his hands and knees. He started to gag as his face found refuge against the smooth surface._

 _"_ _No you don't, just a little further now," Ginny said, her strong hands grabbing him underneath his armpits and hauling him the rest of the way. They just made it – his stomach emptied as soon as she opened the lid. He was only conscious of the relief of his emptying stomach and her trembling fingers holding his hair back._

 _When he was done, she flushed the contents away and lowered the lid for him, lowering his head to it as though he were a child she was tending to. She Summoned a few rags, cooling them with a stream of water from her wand and placed them around his neck._

 _"_ _Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, hugging him close to her. They were both nude, as they had taken to sleeping that way after she kept Vanishing his boxers and he Vanished both of the sleep sets she bought in the shop on L'avenue Magique. It was a comfort, feeling her cool skin against him. He took a deep breath and decided to tell her about his dream … his past._

 _"_ _It's remembering all the terrible pain," he said, covering one of her hands on his chest with his. "I was sick for weeks, despite potion after potion that should have eased it. The dreams make it so real again that I wake just as sick as I was then, until I calm down from it."_

 _Ginny rested her cheek against his shoulder and held him while he spoke. Her breath, even though it was the middle of the night, was still sweet and clean. He remembered he needed to attend to his own, and patted her hands, standing slowly. Never once did she let go of him as he slowly walked to the sink. Her arms remained around his body, hands in his scant chest hair, cheek now beneath his shoulder blade since they were standing. He cleaned his teeth methodically, brushing until he was certain all of the other flavor was completely gone from his mouth._

 _"_ _I need to get the sweat off of me, before I go back to bed," he said, placing his hands back on hers and squeezing again. "Thank you, for getting up with me."_

 _"_ _Of course," she whispered as she kissed his back._

 _"_ _You can go back to bed, dear. There's no need to wait up for me." He felt like a schoolboy with all the hope that was in his voice, thankful his back was to her as he blushed._

 _"_ _I think a shower sounds nice, or a soak in the bath?"_

 _He held out his hand, Summoning his wand. The taps on the bath turned as he flicked his wrist, adding a Warming charm to the tub to keep it hot as long as they were in there. A bath, especially one with Ginny slippery and wet in his arms, sounded perfect. He stepped in first, holding his hand out to her to take as she joined him. With her bum cradled against his hips, her legs twined with his, and her head resting against his chest he felt safe, and even perhaps a little –_

 _-_ loved.

Ginny sighed with the thought, even if it wasn't possible or real. But she let herself pretend, just this once. The thought was tucked away, just a nice package to visit like a Christmas present under the tree, and unreadable to him. But she treasured it, and let herself bask in the idea that the man who held her could ever love her.

Of course, his love belonged to another …

He'd not been able to hide the picture on his chest of drawers fast enough. It was the missing half of the picture Harry kept in his office, the side where Lily was laughing and clapping her hands. Honestly, she'd expected nothing less. Despite a deep and growing friendship, the fun they had together, and the delicious days and nights they'd spent in bed, they were both in love with other people.

For her heart belonged to another, too.

Didn't it?

She sighed and closed her eyes when his deep breaths turned into gentle snores. With her thoughts no longer at risk of being discovered, she opened the package and brought all the thoughts and emotions out.

With a smile on her face and a sweet glow on her cheeks, she fell asleep, only to awaken to –

- _tell you how proud I am of you for passing your exam, darling."_

 _Severus woke suddenly, hands blindly grabbing for his wand when he heard Potter's voice speaking. When he opened his eyes he saw Ginny staring at the stag, hanging onto every word that the animal spoke._

 _"_ _I'm sorry I forgot last week. Forgive me? Please. The task of finding these two has been so hard that I almost forgot my own birthday last summer. I'll make it up to you as soon as we get back. We'll go to Paris, like you always wanted, or maybe New Orleans for a long weekend. Someplace special, just the two of us and a promise of no interruption from my superiors._

 _"_ _I love you. Please know that. I know I'm not perfect, and not the easiest person to live with lately. But you are the best thing in my life. Always have been. Always will be. Be home before you know it."_

 _Ginny didn't even breathe as the stag spoke, she just stared with longing into the silvery round eyes. It licked her cheek before it slowly dissolved away._

 _Her slim, freckled shoulders started to shake and shiver. Small, rasping sobs came from her throat – her pain was so great it burned inside his chest. Did she know he was awake? Severus touched her back, trying to soothe her with something he knew would warm her up._

 _Ginny flinched from him, her breath hissing out as the sobs continued._

 _He blinked and grabbed a towel from the rack at their side and passed one to her. Wordlessly, she got out of the tub and dried herself, wrapping the towel around her as she walked out of the room._

 _His heart felt numb when he climbed out of the tub and prepared himself for work._


	23. Harsh

I pretended to be asleep when Severus left for work.

When he leaned over me and kissed my cheek, his cheek so smooth from the old-fashioned shave he performed every morning, I wanted to grab him and draw him to my lips for a real snog – something to keep us both warm and happy throughout the day.

But I couldn't.

I was too dazed from the encounter with Harry's Patronus, too confused about my reaction to it to do anything other than lie in bed, frozen. I didn't even move when he sighed quietly and shut the door behind –

\- _him. Severus walked into his laboratory and lifted the Stasis charms from all of the cauldrons before sitting down at his desk. He flicked his wand at the top drawer, cancelling his wards, and removed his notes as well as the slim pair of silver spectacles he wore when he was tired._

 _Before he left his flat this morning, he placed his address next to her pillow, along with a pink camellia he couldn't resist transfiguring from the tiny leaf he found on the floor in the bathroom. It must have clung to her cloak when they'd walked through the streets of Paris last night instead of Apparating straight back to his flat._ _Ginny probably wouldn't know what it meant – most people didn't know those things anymore, outside of Herbologists and old, sentimental Potions Masters half in love with a woman half his age._

 _He sipped his first cup of tea, wishing it had been stirred by her hand instead of his own. But he would have to get used to it, soon enough. Just four more days, and she would be back in Grimmauld Place with Kreacher to care for her. Just four more days, and he would once again be –_

 _-_ alone as I walked through the streets of London, aimlessly wandering under the glamour that made my skin deeply tan and freckle free, and my hair as blonde as Draco Malfoy's. I thought about going to Diagon Alley for a quick breakfast at Rosa Lee's, but was too scared to go as I wasn't sure how well the glamour really changed my looks. I was probably just fooling myself.

With Severus's address in the pocket of my cloak and a little Muggle money I kept in case of emergencies, I continued on, occasionally catching the sweet scent of the flower he'd left on the bed. I'd tucked iy into my hair, wanting to keep him close to me, even though our time was coming to an end soon.

The streets were cold, and when it started to sleet when I ducked into a café in Piccadilly whose name was so similar to mine it almost made me laugh. Apparently I needed to make a reservation, and was about to leave when they took pity on me and let me have a table in the corner.

I sipped on a cup of tea and ordered the plate of Eggs Benedict like everyone else around me. I watched the streets outside, relieved when the sleet turned back into rain when my food arrived.

Severus should be here with me, preparing my tea and rubbing my leg while he thought no one was looking. He would have loved the space around us.

But then again, so would Harry.

Closing my eyes, I thought of his Patronus this morning. Everything I'd always wanted him to say in the last six months – perhaps the last six years –had been put together so sweetly that I hadn't wanted the stag to go away.

All these years, all this time, and maybe we were finally going to get it right! But the stag's touch had left me cold, just as cold as Harry did, until Severus's fingers just barely skimmed the skin on my back. It had warmed me through, but left me so crushed with conflict that I couldn't bear being in the same room where Harry's essence had been and where Severus's body was.

With a deep sigh, I sipped my tea, letting it warm me now instead of Severus's arms, and felt regret when I thought of how his day might be going after what I did this morning. Perhaps I could … what? Show him how much he meant to me? Bah. I was putting my own emotions onto him. This was just sex, just a fling, just –

\- _nothing. Nothing was going to make this damned potion work. But, not for a lack of trying on his part, at least._

 _Severus combed through his supply room, trying to find some inspiration that might make it finally work, and found nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing. He was tempted to scrap the whole thing and tell the Minister it was impossible, except that it wasn't – he knew it wasn't. He was just missing something._

 _He had started to reorganize the closet when he found Mandrake Root misplaced next to several vials of Cockscomb leaves when there was a knock on his door. Frowning, he looked at his pocket watch. It wasn't tea time, the Minister never knocked, and everyone else was too afraid of him to ever dare bother him while he was working. He placed a Stasis charm on his cauldron when he walked out into the lab, just in case the Minister had decided to give him the common courtesy of a warning knock._

 _When he opened the door, preparing himself to either grovel or intimidate the person behind it, Severus was shocked to see it was Ginny._

 _She had placed a few glamours that concealed her appearance fairly well, but she'd not thought to chance the color of her eyes. Even with the thousands of eyes he saw during his years as a teacher, he'd never encountered another person whose eyes were that shade of bright reddish-brown._

 _"_ _What are you doing here?" he asked._

 _Ginny just shook her head and ducked under his shoulder to step inside._

 _"_ _How did you get here? This level is restricted."_

 _She pulled out her Healer's badge and raised an eyebrow. Not that they ever took advantage of it, but a Healer had more access to the labs in the Ministry than even he did if they wanted to research a potion._

 _Severus shut the door and warded it, then locked it with a simple Muggle lock he used if he didn't want Shacklebolt to intrude when he was at a critical stage with a preparation. It usually gave him a five minute warning when used, while he was lectured from the other side._

 _"_ _Is everything okay, Ginny?" he asked. He sat at his desk and motioned for her to take the seat across from him._

 _She shook her head again, still not speaking. She took off her cloak, and he licked his lips in appreciation of the emerald green sweater that clung to her breasts. The thin cashmere showed off the fact that she hadn't worn a bra. He felt himself stir as he watched the sway of her breasts as she walked to him. The skirt was one of the ones she bought on Saturday - black wool that hugged her hips to close that he wondered if she'd worn a pair of knickers beneath. He patted his pocket, thinking of the skimpy pair she'd worn Friday that were still there._

 _Instead of taking the offered seat, Ginny walked behind his desk to where he sat and straddled his lap, placing her arms around his neck and nestling herself against him. It brought tears to his eyes that he tried in vain to blink away._

 _Had she made a choice? Was she his now – was this her way of telling him?_

 _Did he even want her to?_

 _They'd never spoken of it, but this connection was so deep, so intense, that Severus realized that he couldn't begin comprehend the thought of letting her go back._

 _Reaching between them with her small hands, she unbuttoned his trousers and freed his cock, stroking him until he was completely hard. It didn't take long. With a shift of her hips, she was guiding him to her bare core, letting the head of his cock slide through her slick folds._

 _"_ _Don't … don't tease me," he groaned, thrusting his hips beneath her._

 _She nodded, smiling as her hips rocked easily against him, bringing him to the place he wanted. He thrust as she lowered himself – their hips meeting so hard that they both moaned with the sensation. They moved together, neither able to stop as pleasure took over the both of them._

 _"_ _I love you," he murmured against her neck when it was over. He felt her lips curl against his neck, turning up into a smile._

 _"_ _I –_

 _-need you Snape – wake up for Merlin's sake!"_

 _Severus's eyes snapped open._

 _He was in his desk chair, tea half drunk and cold. Except for the Apprentice who was stupid enough to have awoken him, he was alone._

 _"_ _What the fuck do you want, you imbecile?" he growled, ready to rip into his –_

 **\- hard earned Galleons into this, but what else could he do?**

 **The shops were simple and few in this Wizarding village, but there were two with the items he sought. As Harry waded through a different sea, this one encased in glass and shaded with gold, silver, and every colour imaginable, he felt both overwhelmed and strangely calm.**

 **He wished Hermione was here with him to help. He'd always intended for her to do so, once upon a time, as she was the one who knew Ginny best of all – even better than he did, really.**

 **No matter. In broken Greek that would have to suffice, he spoke with the salesman who was more than happy to assist him when he saw the flash of gold coins in his pockets, along with the Gringotts slip that would supply more. The dark skinned and haired man even offered him a cup of coffee to enjoy as he shopped. It was richly flavoured and thick, laced with spices and sugar. It made Harry jumpy, even more so when he spotted the one, the very one that he could see on Ginny's –**

\- finger on it, but something wasn't right.

I walked through the streets of London, trying to get lost but always ending up at the same location.

The front steps of my home at Grimmauld Place.

Just the thought of the house made me sick, and looking at it made me want to throw up my very expensive breakfast. As much as this was my home – and it was! – I couldn't imagine coming back. I didn't want to sleep in our bed, alone, night after night until Harry came home. Hell, who was I kidding? I was alone in that bed even when Harry was there, as drugged as he was as he slept, curled to the other side as though he was trying to crawl away from me.

I didn't want to go back, yet when I saw Kreacher bustle around the house, polishing the furniture, I couldn't imagine my home anywhere else. This is where my best memories were – where Sirius had lived! Where Harry had told me he loved me for the first time.

Where our child had slipped away from me.

I ran from the house, through cold streets, hoping I could just suddenly appear in front of the Leaky instead of having to Apparate. Instead, every time I looked up I was there, staring at the house that no one else could see.

I started to scream, wondering how on Earth I could –

\- miss, wake up – you're having a bad dream. Please wake up!"

My eyes popped open. My waitress was patting my hand as the other patrons of the café looked at me, some with worry and others with fear. I brought my hands to my wet face.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

I nodded and grabbed my napkin to dry myself. "Yes. I suppose so. Thank you for waking me. I must have fallen asleep after breakfast. I didn't make a scene, did I?"

She shifted uncomfortably before she answered. "You were crying and saying something hard to make out."

"What did I say?"

"It sounded like 'Severus', miss."


	24. An Apron and a Smile

_Severus walked through the front door of his flat slowly, almost stumbling over his steps as he couldn't decide whether to go into his home, or perhaps just go back to his lab for the rest of the night._

 _Ginny wouldn't be there; after this morning he had never been more sure of anything in his life than the fact that she had finally come to her senses and was going to go home – back to the room with the bright red quilt and wait for the man she loved to return. But it didn't stop him from imagining the way her arms felt around him as he slept, or the way her lower lip trembled when she came, when he should have been working._

 _Every thought all day had been about her, addling him to the point of almost needing to give up and go home, until he found out about the accident in the lab next door. Master Shephard would be healed and ready for work eventually, but it would be after a very long stay at St. Mungo's. The man's lab and years of priceless research had been ruined. It was a lesson, for everyone, to take heed of setting Alarm charms, and to never, ever forget about a simmering cauldron full of hellebore._

 _He'd been able to concentrate a little better after that, as he was faced with the consequence of what could happen if he got careless at work._

 _But the second he left, he caught a whiff of-_

 _\- "_ my cauldron full of hot, strong love  
Will make your -"

 _\- vanilla biscuits from the bakery not far from the exit he liked to use on days he wanted to walk home, and there she was again in the forefront of his mind. On the way back, he'd bought a bouquet of flowers, unable to control his hope that she might be there, waiting for him. The lilacs smelled sweet, and the purple colour was cheerful against the otherwise grey day, though he felt like a hopeless love sick boy for even buying them._

 _He didn't expect to be greeted by the scent of roasting meat and vegetables, or the unmistakable bittersweet aroma of chocolate. After shutting the door behind him and removing his cloak, Severus walked into his small kitchen, flowers still in hand, and saw Ginny there, wearing only an apron that barely covered her breasts and that didn't even reach her freckled knees._

 _For a moment she didn't seem to notice he was there. He leaned against the heavy doorframe and watched her finish spreading the frosting on a rather delicious looking cake. A grin spread across his face when he realized she was humming "A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love" as she worked. It reminded him of the way Molly bustled around the kitchen before Order meetings – though Molly never gave him a painful erection like the one he had now, nor did she prance around in a scrap of lacy fabric that just barely covered the front of her body._

 _He knew the second she sensed him in the room – she tensed at first, then her creamy back and chest flushed with pink that he knew would extend straight down to her –_

 _-_ clit tingled when I detected his scent in the air, even above the smell of the cooking food.

What I was doing was penance. Or perhaps contrition. Or atonement.

Whatever name could be put to it, ever since I woke from the nightmare and found out that I had been calling for him in my sleep, I had decided that I had to make up for my coldness this morning. Even while I purchased the items, I knew that I was going overboard, and that he would know it too the second he saw his dining and living room, not to mention the feast I was going to make for him in his kitchen.

Home cooking was one thing I knew, thanks to my mother and from watching Kreacher in the kitchen for so many years. And I knew it was something Severus had a weakness for, down to the chocolate cake I'd baked earlier in the afternoon. I'd just frosted it, and was trying my hardest not to sneak a few licks from the almost empty bowl.

As for my state of undress - well, the thought came from a slip of my mother's a few years ago, when she admitted over a few too many glasses of sherry that when she and my father first married, she would welcome him home in nothing but an apron and her smile. I think I might have gagged at the time she said it, but now …

The expression on Severus's face was completely worth every bit of effort I put into it. Even though he was a man of few words, I'd never seen him –

 _-silently licked his lips as he watched her shift on her feet._

 _Fuck._

 _If she just turned to the right a little he'd be able to see just how wet and-_

-speechless before. I had to resist the urge to walk over and close his mouth for him before he caught a fly.

The flowers in his hand fell to the floor with a soft swish. I Summoned them to me and inhaled the sweet scent before placing them in a glass that I quickly filled with water.

"Lilacs are one of my favourites, Severus. Thank you."

He merely nodded as his eyes swept my body.

"A knut for your thoughts," I said, trying not to smirk as his eyes landed on the bowl of chocolate frosting. He licked his lips and moaned a little before looking back at me and raising an eyebrow.

"Take off your apron," he said quietly, so soft that he –

- _didn't want to scare her, but if he didn't have her now he would combust._

 _Ginny was his._

 _She'd done all this for him, and if only for this one night he was going to … he was going to completely make her his. Severus's thoughts went wild as his cock continued to twitch in his trousers, wanting to be free from the confines of zips and buttons. But first he had to see, he had to know she wanted him – he had to see the evidence of her need between her legs. Then he was going to fuck her until her only thoughts were going to be about him and the power he had over her._

 _"_ _Take off your apron. Now," he repeated, his voice-_

-so low and dangerous that I immediately obeyed, letting the lacy cloth fall to the floor next to me.

Not once did I take my eyes from his. I'd never been scared with him before, but his soft, clipped voice sent chills up my spine. Neither of us were like ourselves tonight – I wasn't a homemaker and he wasn't this cold, demanding man anymore.

Not with me, at least.

Not since our affair began.

Suddenly I found myself on the wooden counter, legs opened wide with him standing between the –

- _slick heat. She was perfectly wet and swollen, and had been for a while by the looks of things. He sighed as he quickly traced the slippery lips with the pads of his fingers before he grabbed her and started –_

 _-_ kissing me; our lips, tongues, and teeth attacking each other with need and longing.

I was scorching hot. Every touch and kiss seared my body. His clothes were gone so quickly that I idly wondered if he had Vanished them, but then his mouth descended to one of my breasts, suckling my nipple and flicking it with his tongue in just the way he knew I liked –

\- _this Ginny, this incredible woman who would wait for him to come home in nothing but a tiny apron and a generous smile. He took his time at her breasts, laving them both until she began to pant and squirm with her need for him – only for him._

 _He bit a nipple, hard enough to hear her yelp and hard enough to leave a mark that she would see tomorrow morning, and several mornings after if he was lucky. It would be a reminder – Potter may have her love, but he owned her –_

 _-_ body. No one had ever been this rough with me before. Not that I had much experience other than Harry and Dean. Dean had been too young and inexperienced to do anything more than thrust a few times before coming, leaving me to finish for myself. And Harry didn't mean to hurt me, didn't know the pain that came from our lovemaking.

But Severus did, doing the same thing to my left breast, making me gasp in pain and, Merlin help me, in pleasure. He was going to leave a mark, a bruise for me to heal … if I wanted to.

 _If_ I wanted to.

At the moment I wasn't sure if that I cared that he was –

 _\- leaning into her, he grabbed the counter and heard the clatter of dishes. It was then that he remembered the frosting – the bowl was sitting there behind them, and he could smell it above anything else in the room, save for Ginny's own delicious scent. He dipped his pointer finger into the concoction and licked it, moaning as the intense flavour hit his tongue. In a moment of enlightenment he dipped his finger in it again and smeared the chocolate onto the lips of her pussy._

 _"_ _Severus," she moaned as he spread it right up to her tight, swollen clit. Kneeling before her and sighing, he started to eagerly lick it off of her._

 _Heavens … it was the most perfect flavour in the world. He'd never taste chocolate again without wanting it mixed with her. It was easy work to lick her completely clean, and when he realized there was none left on her skin he frowned and added more, reaching back into the bowl time and time again until it was finally empty. She'd come more times than he could count, begging him to continue, frowning herself and even pouting when she realized he'd eaten it all._

 _"_ _I'll make more," she promised._

 _"_ _You damn well better," he hissed as he stood and possessively –_

-slid inside me with such force that I winced a little before pleasure took over. He was rougher than he had ever been with me, and I knew I was going to be sore later.

I started kissing his neck, biting him now when his thrusts sped up. His heavy balls smacked my arse with each movement, and the sound of our skin slapping together made me itchy with need. Pleasure welled inside me once again, surprising me. I'd never come this many times, not even when I started touching myself as a teenager.

I felt like a wanton as he in turn worshipped and used my body … and I loved every minute of it.

Even when he picked me up from the counter as though I weighed nothing, spun me around, and spanked my bare arse. The sting eased the itch inside me, if only briefly, until he slid inside me again and rode me as he pushed me down to the counter. My nipples, sensitive from is tongue and teeth, scraped against the wood with each thrust until they ached.

"You like that don't you?" he whispered, his mouth suddenly close to my ear.

"Yes," I moaned.

"Harder?"

"Yes! Merlin help me, yes …"

My hips slammed against his and against the counter. I'd surely have bruises everywhere after it was over, but I was past the point of caring as I slid my hand between my legs and started to pinch and roll my clit between my fingers.

"Oh gods!" I said, the words halting as I began to shudder against him. The candles around us flickered as the most powerful orgasm I'd ever experienced, even with him, ripped through me. My hands reached for his, clasping them as I screamed at the top of my lungs. My voice was shredded and every muscle in my body tightened almost painfully before I finally collapsed onto the hard wood in front of me, even though I was still impaled by the hard flesh that was beginning to slip away from me. He must have –

- _come with her- he had no choice when she clinched his cock so hard that for a minute it felt as though they had melded into one person. Then he'd felt his own orgasm start low in his spine and belly, and everything came alive as he shouted and spent himself within her._

 _He stayed inside her until he was completely soft again, and even then he didn't want to move away. Ginny was limp in his arms, completely and utterly exhausted. He cast a Stasis charm over the food, and over the rest a few Cleansing charms that he normally saved for the lab as he picked her up and carried her through the flat and into his bathroom. Filling the bath with hot water, he gently sat her in it and watched her for a minute as she smiled and held her hand out, beckoning him to join her._

 _Perhaps now they could finish the relaxing bath he'd wanted to have with her this morning. Casting one final charm over the space around him, Severus made sure there would be no unwanted visitors to ruin his night._


	25. Completely Honest

_"_ _You didn't have to do this," Severus said. He'd finally taken a look at the rest of his flat and was finding it hard to wipe the smug grin from his face. The muscles in his cheeks were actually beginning to ache from all the smiling he'd done recently, something that made him both annoyed and, as much as he hated to admit it, happy._

 _He couldn't recall a time in his life when he'd truly been happy, outside of the few years he and Lily had been friends. But even those years had been marred by the Marauders antics, as well as the general awkwardness of being an unattractive adolescent boy. Now, there were no men or women in his life who mocked and teased him. He wasn't particularly attractive as an adult, but he was comfortable enough in his own skin that it didn't matter to him as it once did. And with Ginny, who looked at him as though she wanted to pounce on him at any second, even those worries faded away. Especially on a night like this, when she had prepared such a rare treat._

 _Ginny had placed candles everywhere one would fit, even setting Floating charms on several that hovered in the corners of the room, basking them in flickers of soft, romantic light. She'd even figured out how to charm the ceiling to show the night sky, reminding him of the way the Great Hall had been at Hogwarts. That took him aback – he knew she was a powerful witch, but there were witches and wizards much older and more experienced than she who couldn't perform this charm._

 _"_ _I wanted to do it," she said, a blush creeping up from the top of the green silk dressing gown. She must have bought when she was out; it was the first time he'd seen it on her and he didn't recall it hanging in his wardrobe in Paris. It made her skin look like fresh, speckled cream and brought out the red lights in her dark hair. And, with a few discreet tugs to the silk tie at her waist, it dropped open just enough for him to see the crests of her breasts._

 _They were sitting at his small table, eating the feast she'd prepared for him: roasted beef with parsnips and carrots, mashed potatoes, Yorkshire puddings, enough gravy for an army, and of course the cake that she'd just placed a bevy of sugared violet roses on the top of. It was incredible, and oddly a little moving, that she would go to this much trouble just for him._

 _Not that he minded. In the slightest._

 _"_ _Thank you," he said, covering her free hand with his and squeezing it gently._

 _Her blush deepened. She looked down as a soft, secretive smile formed on her lips. "How was your day?" she asked, –_

 _-_ amazed at how normal this felt, how natural. Just the two of them, eating a late dinner and talking about something as mundane as work.

It was so different than it was at home. Harry always talked about himself, not really caring about or wanting to understand my work, or my struggles and triumphs with it. Even though Severus had been the one to go to his office for a full day, he was just as interested in what I did while I was out, even requesting that I redo my glamour for him to see.

"Your eyes," he murmured, cupping my cheek when I set the charms.

"What?"

"You'll have to change your eyes next time. You are the only woman in the world whose eyes are that particular shade of brown."

I smiled and flicked my wand. "Oculus aquis."

"Better," he said. I could see the blue reflected in black before they morphed back to bright, coppery brown. My hair and skin gradually shifted back to back to normal as well as the charm faded away.

"How about now?" I asked.

"The best," he said softly. Both of his hands were caressing my face, bringing me to him for a long, deep snog. He tasted like rare beef and red wine, and just faintly like chocolate and sex. I sighed when he pulled away, letting myself get lost the –

 _-potion you're working on?" she asked coyly._

 _He grinned. No one ever wanted to talk to him about work. Not that there had ever been anyone to talk about work with. When he'd been a teacher, the other professors avoided his private lab like the plague, especially during the hols when he was left to his own devices. It was an added bonus that he'd be able to have a decently intelligent conversation with her about it. Even if she wasn't a Potions Master, Healers had the most knowledge of what he really did every day than anyone else in their world._

 _"_ _It's another potion for dreams, similar to Dreamcase in some ways. Except that this one will heal the mind, and hopefully end any nightmares that the user suffers from. That's the goal, at least." He watched as she took in a breath and held it for several long moments before letting it out again and breathing normally._

 _"_ _Does it work yet?"_

 _He shook his head. "I think I have a formula that will stop the user's nightmares, but the ingredients needed to do that excite the brain instead of enticing it to sleep. I feel like I'm missing something that's at the tips of my fingers," he added, now sneering at himself with disgust._

 _Ginny was more than intrigued at this point. As they finished their meals and dug into dessert, and at her request, he went over the preparation and steps with her one by one, down to the way the dragon's blood was added – one drop at a time, stirring six times anticlockwise with each addition._

 _She pursed her lips, deep in thought as they cleaned the dishes and put the leftovers in Stasis. When they sat on his sofa together, with one last glass of wine that they shared between them, her expression grew mischievous before she smiled broadly._

 _"_ _I've got it," she said. "Maybe. What if you transmutate a few lavender blossoms into valerian root, then add it after the Sphinx hair? You'll get the properties of all the ingredients and reduce the chance of excitability."_

 _Severus chewed his lower lip, chuckling to himself as he kissed her on the cheek. "I'll try it tomorrow, you brilliant girl. It will drive me crazy to think what you could have achieved if you'd taken Alchemy with me."_

 _She beamed with the praise as she took one more sip of wine before passing it back to him. "Do you mind if I have a fag?"_

 _He shook his head, pointing his wand to the window to raise it a little as she Summoned their cigarettes and lit one. "Would you want to try it, if it works?"_

 _"_ _I thought you'd never ask. Of course I would." The tears that escaped her eyes shone golden on the candlelight._

 _"_ _I can't imagine what it would feel like to sleep without the company of my nightmares," he mused, studying her over the edge of the glass when he took another sip._

 _"_ _A full night's sleep would be a luxury I haven't had in twelve years."_

 _He looked at her more closely, seeing the far off look in her eyes as she remembered her first year of school. She hadn't spoken of it very much with him, other than the night that she'd woken in a cold sweat, shivering on the corner of the bed. A painful ache hit him squarely in the chest when he remembered how close to death she had been, and how no one had been able to figure out how save her, not even himself._

 _Only Potter._

 _"_ _How often to you dream of that year?" he asked, placing a hand in on hers and trying not to think about the boy who held her heart._

 _Ginny stared ahead as she blew out a small cloud of smoke. "Not as much as I used to, and the dreams aren't nearly as vivid as they once were … but I still do from time to time. The older I get the less regret I have, and I think that's what keeps them at bay. I see now that I was such a very young eleven, in the shadow of all of my brothers and desperate for a little attention. And Tom Riddle gave me everything I wanted."_

 _"_ _I know the feeling," he said. He drank the last of the wine and sat the glass on the table in front of them. When he looked back up, he saw the tears in her eyes were spilling more freely. She snuffed out the fag and reached for him, and he gently took her in his arms._

 _"_ _You're one of the few people who know what it's like - to be under his spell, and yet to still have a heart that beats with love." She burrowed her face into his bare chest, her hot tears branding him as she wept -_

\- against him, needing his warmth to remind me where I was. It was so easy to slip back into memory, remembering the cold chill of my possession by the Dark Lord.

"What do you need, my dear?" he asked. His deep voice rumbled in his chest beneath my ear, making me smile through my tears as he held me closer.

"This," I whispered. "Just hold me a little while longer, Severus. Help me forget, if just for a minute."

I felt him rest his cheek against my forehead, rocking me gently in his arms as the wireless changed songs. He sang along with the wizard, his voice breaking over some of the words:

" _Come to me, come to me, come to me  
Come and drink of me  
Or turn away, turn away, turn away  
And nevermore think of me …" ***_

I reached between us, untying the belt of my robe and opening it completely so that I could feel his skin against mine. I needed him, all of him. All that he had to give.

We fit so well together, in and out of bed. I hadn't expected that, and while it was a welcome surprise it was also a bit unsettling. The man I remembered from school was not the man before me. This man was –

- _in deep trouble. He was no longer half in love with her._

 _He was deeply, desperately, and completely in love with –_

 _-_ **you," she whispered, crying as she ran from the room.**

 **Harry blew out a breath and shut the door when he heard hers slam shut at the end of the corridor.**

 **He'd suspected it and probably encouraged it to some degree. Though he held a considerable amount of affection for the redhead who had tried to steal his heart, he couldn't put the word love to it. It wasn't completely honest, not when there was Ginny.**

 **His Ginny.**

 **He walked to the bed and looked again inside the small box that sat there, the box that she had found after dinner and had hoped was for her. It broke him a little to see her face crumple in pain when he told her his true intentions. The scars looked livid when her face paled in the fading light, as though she was about to be sick.**

 **It was no use of course, not when Harry had made up his mind to do the right thing by –**

\- the door," he said.

I nodded and shut the door behind me, warding it before I joined him in the bed. He didn't make a move for more, even though I felt him stir against my bum as I snuggled against him. His breath was warm against my neck, his arm a heavy comfort as he hummed softly, lulling me quickly into a deep sleep.

* * *

 _A/N: *** From "Carry Me" by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds._

 _If I don't get to post another chapter before Christmas, may you have a happy one - for those of who celebrate that holiday. To everyone else, have a lovely Yule season. I am anticipating my lump of coal under my little Charlie Brown tree, along with a few pairs of socks and underwear for good measure._


	26. Potions

"What do you think you'll do today while I'm gone?" Severus asked. He was fully dressed for work, his robes dark and crisp in the early morning hours.

I wasn't going to tell him but my first order of business was also to enjoy a lie in, since my mind was calmer this morning than it had been when he left yesterday. "I thought I might catch up on a little reading," I answered. "You have more books than a lending library."

"I do," he said, biting his lip as he took my hand in his and traced my knuckles with the pad of his thumb.

"You have books on Alchemy and Potions that we don't even have in our Reference Library at St. Mungo's. It would be nice if you shared once in a while," I said, yawning out the last words.

"I'll take that into consideration." He kissed the back of my hand before bringing it up to his face, turning it so that my palm caressed his smooth cheek. I let my fingertips stroke the black stands of hair that had come loose from his hair tie. Sighing, he leaned into my hand and opened his mouth as though he were about to speak.

"What?" I asked.

"Ginny, I … " He stopped and shook his head mildly. "It's nothing. Do you need me to get anything for you, while I'm out?" he asked, his eyes growing vague as he smiled tightly.

"Since you offered, I need … well, it's the day of the month that I need to take the Potion, and with you going to the lab and all, I was hoping that you might – "

"I'll brew it myself."

I relaxed. "Thank you, Severus."

"Anything else?"

"Perhaps some Chocolate Cauldrons from Sugarplum's?"

He smirked and kissed my forehead. "Whatever the lady desires."

I felt my lips curve into a smile that I hoped was as seductive as it felt on my mouth. Light was starting to pour into the window, bathing the room in the rare golden glow of a clear morning. I lowered the quilt, showing him the round curves of my breasts.

" _Anything_ I desire?" I asked.

He groaned a little and nodded.

"Well, we can't do more penetrative things until … but we could still … " I trailed off, lowering the quilt further to expose the swollen lips between my thighs.

"Mouth or hands?" he murmured, already letting his fingers skim my sensitive skin.

"Both?"

He licked his lips, kneeling by the bed and dragging my hips towards his mouth, his tongue sliding out and into my –

\- _gods, Severus. You finally did it," the Minister gasped, holding the small vial of clear potion in his hands._

 _"_ _I may have done it. It still needs to be tested before we issue it for use but … yes. I think I have. If the Arithmancy is correct."_

 _"_ _It will be - you've never been wrong. Merlins's thumb! You'll win another Order of Merlin for this one, probably First Class if I have anything to do with it." Shacklebolt looked at the vial again, moving it from hand to hand as though he was testing the weight of such a valuable tool._

 _Healing, real healing from the after effects of the War would finally be able to take place. Far beyond the physical wounds, most of which could be mended in a trice, this would heal fragile minds. Like the poor student, whose name he could never recall when asked, who was attacked by the Dementors during the final Battle. He had just survived, only to live with the horror of terrors every night, to the point that he became a resident of St. Mungo's several times a year when his lack of sleep finally made him dangerous to himself and to others._

 _Even the milder cases, like his and Ginny's … how much more could they accomplish without the worry and pain of their nightmares? It would give back what had been taken from them all by the Battle of Hogwarts. By himself when he was Headmaster, by the actions he committed on days when he sunk to his lowest. But especially by the man who called himself the Dark Lord, who Severus had once called his Master._

 _"_ _I believe you deserve the rest of the day off. In fact, you should resume your vacation if it pleases you."_

 _"_ _It would," Severus said evenly. "But I have a few things to finish before I do so. I'll be back Monday. Thank you, Kingsley."_

 _"_ _Thank you, Severus," the Minister said, smiling as he walked out of the lab, vial still in hand._

 _Severus smiled as he flicked his wand at the door, shutting it and warding it with a few careful gestures. It was what he had wanted after all, why he toiled so hard today, finally forcing the potion to come together._

 _Thanks to Ginny._

 _He always had the opportunity to name his creations if he wished, and this time over all others he relished that he was able to do so. Severus sat at his desk, dipping his quill one last time into the pot of black ink, and in his tight, spikey script, wrote "GenuRest" across the top of the parchment. No one, save for himself and Ginny, would understand that he had partially named it for her. And perhaps it was better that way, as he wouldn't be able to give her proper credit for her help. Despite the fact that it was wrong not to be able to give credit where it was due, a very simple problem lay in way._

 _What would Potter do if he knew where his girl had been this week?_

 _Severus shuddered, thinking of what it was like to have the Auror office hunting him down. He'd experienced it before, of course, but then it was due to a much higher offense than sleeping with another man's girlfriend._

 _No, not sleeping with her. It had gone far beyond that now. He hadn't shied the thought away last night, so what was the point of doing it now?_

 _He was in love with Ginny. He knew it, accepted it. Almost admitted it to her before he left this morning. And he would have to bear it as he had born his love for Lily until the feelings finally ended._

 _With a deep sigh that echoed around the stone room he stood up, rolling the parchment in his hands and filing it away before he began to brew his last potion of the day._

 _The Potion. That one, the one would that keep Ginny from growing round with a child before she was ready. An image of her came into his mind, unbidden: of her chestnut hair flowing around her shoulders and down her back, her body dressed simply and elegantly in a creamy white, muslin gown, her feet bare and belly large and firm with a babe._

 _It made him ache deep in his chest, the same ache he once felt when he realized that Harry could have been his son, if things had been different._

 _The image shifted, and he saw himself next to her, caressing the squirming bump as she looked up at him, her eyes burning with fierce, fiery devotion, and with love._

 _He could make the Potion in his sleep, as many times he had brewed it for the Hospital Wing when he'd been teaching. But … he let himself get so preoccupied with the pictures floating through his head that he missed a crucial ingredient – one that could be added at any point but that must be added in order for the preparation to be effective. When he remembered the pennyroyal towards the end, quickly turning to his supply closet to retrieve it, he was interrupted by Mary, who had brought him his afternoon tea. By the time he returned to the bubbling cauldron, he'd somehow forgotten that he had forgotten._

 _Sadly, it didn't change the way the Potion looked to the naked eye. It was as violet as ever, and just as thick when it was placed in one of his small crystal vials. Even if it would have the same effect as drinking a thimbleful of water._

 _Ignorant of what he had done, he stoppered the vial and put it in his pocket of his coat. Before he went back home to her, he looked around, absently thinking that he might have –_

 _-_ _ **forgotten her.**_

 ** _All it took was the thought of his Ginny and his new plans for the rest of their lives, and Harry was lost to her completely._**

 ** _She looked in the mirror, not even bothering to cover her scarred skin with cosmetics or charms. Harry was out, after all. And she was in the safe house, doing her little job. Watching the maps when it was her turn and reporting back to the others if she saw something of interest._**

 ** _Smiling nastily, she fluffed her titian hair before wiping the remainder of the tears from her face with a handkerchief that were stitched with the initials "HJP" in red and gold. He'd given it to her at the start of their relationship some months ago, after a lunchtime quickie that had been more than a little messy in the end but had been completely satisfying for them both._**

 ** _She hadn't been able to return it. Somehow it felt like proof – evidence that somewhere inside of him he cared about her. Enough at least to give her an object that was obviously his._**

 ** _Harry did care about her - she knew he did, she knew he did! She just had to make him see, make him understand the depth of her emotions._**

 ** _She picked up the vial of Potion that she should have taken two weeks ago, but didn't. It wouldn't have been too late a week ago, if she'd drunk it then. Now …_**

 ** _She was a day late, and she was never more than an hour late. After a quick trip to St. Mungo's when they returned home, she would be absolutely certain of what she knew in her heart._**

 ** _The thin glass panel opened with a wave of her wand as she walked to the window. She slid her hand outside and opened her fingers, letting the crystal vial filled with bright violet fluid slip away. When it crashed onto the rocks below, so close to the sea, she thought she'd never seen anything more beautiful and meaningful to her than the broken shards of –_**

 **\- glasses up his nose after placing the charmed cuffs on their wrists.**

 **"** **Azkaban is too good for the two of you, after being on the run for so many years," Harry said with a nasty sneer. "Too bad the Dementors were given the boot. I'd like have seen you both get the kiss of your lifetime."**

 **"** **Too bad you'll have to see us comfy in a cell the rest of our lives instead. I bet it hits you right about where that little zigzag on your forehead is," Avery said, smirking at Mulciber. Mulciber at least had the good sense to be quiet, looking like he was scared to death.**

 **"** **Comfy?" Harry mused. "Azkaban without is hardly 'comfy'. The Dementors may be gone and the conditions more humane, but it doesn't mean their presence still isn't felt."**

 **"** **You mean," Mulciber whined. "You mean the rumors are true?"**

 **"** **You'll just have to see for yourself," Harry said with little** **humour** **. They wouldn't see anything of course. By the time they reached the prison fortress they'd already be mad, after they were given the potion tonight before the transport home –**

\- tomorrow too?" I said, wanting to clap my hands like a child. I tossed aside the book I had been reading and put down my cup of tea, climbing into his lap so that I could kiss him properly. He was hard, already searching for me when I rocked my hips against him and slid my tongue into his mouth.

"Potion," he gasped. His hand disappeared into his pocket and brought forth the familiar purple liquid. Hastily, I uncorked the top and drank it down, licking my lips to catch it all.

"This tastes better a lot better than the swill that comes out of my cauldron every month. You'll have to teach me how you make it."

He smirked as he unbuttoned his trousers. "Only if I can fuck you on my desk."

"Deal."

* * *

 _A/N: This probably really will be my last chapter until after Christmas, at least. I just happen to know someone who is taking a few days off who might like a little light reading. Happy Christmas, my dear._


	27. Moving to A03

Hello lovelies!

We are moving to A03 (I told you this wasn't abandoned!). After many stories that I love have been removed from FFnet due to content, I thought this might be a wise move. Over there, I am theimpossiblegeekygrrl, and I truly hope you will join me as I repost this story with minor corrections.

And finish it.

Oh yes, we do have an ending now.

*squishes you all*


End file.
